Friends Keep Mentioning Miscarriage

[Gabi]

Some friends of mine are pregnant for the first time, and every single time I talk to them (one on one or at BBQs etc.) they mention fear of miscarriage. Usually saying something like "it's so scary, we know some people who've had a miscarriage". I know that the first trimester can be a bit scary for everyone, and perhaps especially in a first pregnancy, I'm sure miscarriage crosses all of our minds! I try to be undertanding, but every time they bring it up it makes me feel awful. You see, I had two miscarriages before I had my kids and this friendship group were particulary unsupportive, the husband of this couple even made some stupid comments during my third hellish pregnancy. The babies I lost are never mentioned meanwhile everyone is feeling sorry for this couple, and I feel like my miscarriages are the elephant in the room.

I guess my question is: Should I mention my babies? my experience? Or ask them not to talk to me about it? After the conversations I always feel so blue and miss my babies so much and think about what could have been and feel further invalidated by a group of people who made my recovery a few years ago so difficult.

ETA - Alll I do atm is try to listen and be there for them. Obviously their feelings are valid! They aren't doing anything wrong. I just want to know how to protect myself too...

[Melster]

Gabi, i would probably say something to them the next you see them since its upsetting you and brought up all the time. They might react differently if they know you're circumstances and how there converstations are making you feel.

[Tegam]

Oh hun i suppose my advice would be, what do you think would make you feel better??

I like the idea of you talking of your angels but then again they dont seem like the sort of group that would understand or say the right thing now like they avent for the last few years.

Yes you could say "im sorry i find it to hard to talk about that after my losses" But again i get the feeling that they would just be as insensitive to it now as then...

You know i think that there is a time and place to talk about these feelings but maybe thats not the right group thats why you havent said anything yet.

If i hadnt had a not so close friend (who is very close now) say "oh god i suffered a few MC before **** was born"!! That opened up this taboo topic and then everyone started and suddenely i wasnt allown in my grief!!

DO WHATEVER is going to make you feel better without being insenstive to the others.....

And you can always come in here and take about all your babies, because we loved them all the same and some people will NEVER understand that...

I dont care we have others to hold, i wanted the ones i lost too!!

Hugs beautiful lady! Be proud of yourself