How do you deal with...

[OceanPrincess]

Thanks all. I wrote congrats on her Fb wall, then sent my sister a text saying "C is pregnant. Happy face, sad face" and she wrote back "Yay, boo".

I was trying to decide if I'd tell her but then I realised that'd be making it about me, when really she deserves it to be about her. So I'll stay quiet.

The other friend, yes, she understands and I'll be able to say "I can't deal with it today". So hopefully that will help.

Feeb - I cannot fathom how you dealt with that work situation

[delphmoon]

Hi OP.

When I had a M/C years ago, I was sharing my pregnancy with 5...yes 5 other women at my workplace. We were all due within weeks of each other and were like this little pregnancy clan...then I miscarried and wasn't part of the group anymore. I remember returning to work a week after the M/C and I was standing at the nurses station and in my head I was begging God to kill me..The pain I felt seeing these women was tremendous...even now I can still feel it. I am still friends with them now and I look at their kids and I still think of my M/C.

I'm sorry to say, I don't think there is any solution in stopping the pain or to make coping easier in your situation. Its a one day at a time thing. Rely on us Luv. Come and chat to us on those days when its tough- even if its everyday- we've been there and we understand the pain

I don't think I have been much help? Oh well- i just hope you are feeling the love everyone has for you in this group and hope day by day the pain you feel lessens even just alittle bit

xx

[RhiChiChi]

TBH I don't cope. I get that pang of sadness then carry around a heavy heart for hours, sometimes days. A gf is about 17 weeks pg with her third, whilst I scramble through IVF (as well as previous m/c). It makes it even more difficult to deal with b/c I see her twice a week. I have to listen to hear moan about how big she is already and how unwell she is, blah, blah, blah. I know it is not intentional and I would never say anything b/c that is where she is right now, her moment I guess. I think sometimes my emotions are quite obvious on my face but that is something I can't change & TBH I won't change b/c that is how I feel in that moment, right now. I don't know if there is a solution, I think just being and not judging yourself (or others) helps but it won't change how you feel everytime there is a pg or birth announcement.
My gf is due April next year & I am praying I will be pg ny then b/c I really don't want to deal with going to meet her baby if I am not. I know all the emotions it stirs up (from anger, sadness, bitterness) but then I know that I will be happy to meet her baby & be involved in the joy that a new being brings.
Definately keep posting how you are feeling, it will help.

[KitFaerie]

I found it hard. Shopping centres were the worst, I had to walk out so many times because I couldn't bear seeing all the bellies and babies After I m/c I had 2 acquaintances/friends announce they were due within a week of my due date. They didn't know I'd had a m/c and I still feel pain when I see photo's of their babies. It's always there.

On the flip side, when I was pg with DS, a very close friend was going through some fertility issues and while she asked about my pg, she'd look hurt when I told her. But if I told her it was ok for her to be upset, she'd deny being anything but ecstatic for me. I would have preferred having an honest conversation about our feelings, especially because I'd had my time dealing with my m/c's. I wanted to be there for her, or at least for her to be able to tell me that she couldn't see me for a while, just so I knew she was looking after herself and not pushing herself too far.

[briggsy's girl]

Thanks all. I wrote congrats on her Fb wall, then sent my sister a text saying "C is pregnant. Happy face, sad face" and she wrote back "Yay, boo".

I was trying to decide if I'd tell her but then I realised that'd be making it about me, when really she deserves it to be about her. So I'll stay quiet.

For now, i'd say i agree with that - but she is going to be pregnant for a long time, and then have a newborn - you need to show her the respect of telling her what has happened so that, if you DO withdraw, she can understand it. putting yourself in her shoes, imagine what it would feel like if someone just pulled away from you at what is a really exciting time - and you have no idea why.

unfortunately, i've had to live this numerous times now. some days you cope, some days you put on a brave face and pretend to cope - and some days, you just withdraw and let the hurt be felt. i have chosen to be honest with friends/family if i'm not coping with their pregnancy or newborn, for the reasons i said above. it's not their fault, and i don't want them to think i'm withdrawing because of something that they've done. a simple comment while they're pregnant along the lines of "i've had this happen, some days i won't be able to be around you while i'm nursing my own heartache, please don't take it personally" - it has worked wonders. i've never had anyone take offense at the comment, or tell me to get over it

one of my best friends on here, BW, got a BFP the same day as me. we were due a day apart. unfortunately i lost my angel, while she continued her pregnancy with her son. it was damn hard some days. DAMN HARD. but by admitting when i wasn't coping, we were able to avoid pregnant talk on those days. i could still support her, but i could go into lockdown when i wasn't coping with it kwim?

[Maruschke]

i still find it hard and don't know how to cope. What i struggle with more is that some people I was pregnant with... are now considering TTC for a second time, some are even pregnant. What hurts me is seeing other people's joy... they think ttc is fun, they think early pregnancy is fun, and for me it's a big slap in the face.