Today was one of the worst days of my life, i have never felt so scared, nervous or so gut wrenchingly sick in my whole life.

I got the worst sleep last night, i went to bed early and cried myself to sleep. When DP came to bed him being there next to me bad it impossible to sleep and then the cramping started. I went back and fourth to the toilet passing clots and just bleeding so heavy. I don't know what time it was but i eventually fell asleep and woke up at 6am with really bad cramping i got up and sat in the loungeroom and cried my eyes out for about an hour then i crawled back in bed and tried to sleep. I felt the urge to pee so i got up and as i did there was the biggest gush of blood, it completely soaked my pyjama pants and flooded onto the carpet i instantly yelled for a towel and DP told me to stand in the shower. I stood there for 20 mins just letting blood pour out of me. I was hunched over by the pains and was screaming. I begged for us to go to the hospital but we decided i couldnt go on a bus or in a taxi and we couldnt get a hold of my mum so we called an ambulance as the bleeding wasnt easing and the pains were becoming unbearable.

By 10am i was at the hospital, DP had to get a bus. I was put into a bed and a lovely nurse Chantelle tended to me and she was so lovely she asked how i was and wanted me to tell the truth and i burst into tears and she held my hand and told me to let it all out. She did my obs and my BP was high which she said was good as it was better than low. After an hour DP, my mum and DD turned up and it made it so much easier. I was then moved to a quiter area where i was told that my ultrasound wasnt booked until 4:30. It was horrible waiting all day. Then it was made real..

We went in for the ultrasound and all she said was "i'm sorry but i don't see a gestational sac.." and i just zoned out. She said more things but i didnt hear her and didn't want to hear anymore. By 5pm i was back at my bed and a doctor came to give me the news again and to tell me that because it was a complete miscarriage i could go home but if i began to bleed again or have severe pain i should come back. A nurse came to take my canulla out, and i could have punched her in the face when she asked what the ultrasound showed and she said "oh well get back on the horse try again" we hadn't tried for this baby and i don't even know if i want to try i couldn't go through this again it was awful.

I just want my baby back..