DP is so upset and furious about the treatment or lack of treatment i recieved throughout this whole ordeal. His mum works at the hospital as a ward support and she came down to see us yesterday and he just about nearly burst into tears telling her how disgusted he is. While i agree i just don't want to say anything, i don't want to have tell people what happened and go through it again.
I told DP, and i guess myself last night that i am ok but im really not. I passed another bit of tissue and it just all came flooding back. I want my baby back i want to be pregnant still i want to be happy and excited to give DD a sibling. I keep stuffing up last night i said i needed to get my blood tests and then corrected myself and said no i dont because im not pregnant anymore. I had kept the big w baby sale catalogue as we were going to be laybying things but i let DD tear that up.
I'm glad DD is very young and didnt understand anything. She was great the whole time, i was hysterical right after it happened and she cuddled and kissed me. I am so blessed to have her.
The early days after loss are so hard. You are still in shock, trying to comprehend what has happened. Unfortunately reminders are everywhere. I lost my first Angel a year ago and I still tense up and feel a lump in my chest when I see my friend's baby who is the same age my Angel would have been. Its ok to feel overwhelmed right now, but the intensity of the grief will reduce over time.
As for the hospital treatment, maybe get your DP to explain it so you dont have to re-live it, unless you feel up to it.
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I'm so sorry you are having such an awful time
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