Thanks Saffy, can you tell I'm tryin to put off the D&C, I hate going under anaesthetic and keep thinking it's better for my body to do this on it's own.......but I guess there's no point dragging it out. Just wasnt sure if they'd still do it if I was already bleeding that's all.
Im sorry to be selfish guys, Ive been quietly reading and thinking of you all but Im FREAKING out.
Im pregnant.
Id decided I was done doing this. I just dont have it in me anymore to get attached and then have to give up. 5 losses is 5 too many and I am extremly lucky to have 3 happy boys to keep me busy. I secretly avoided ovulation and everything, then finally brought it up with DH who was happy to let it go for a few years before we made a permanent decision.
Ive been having random cramping even though AF is due tomorrow and I usually spot but havent been. Not to mention feeling nauseous and the haemhhroid from hell. I tested as a JIC and what do you know - positive.
I knew you guys would understand my position right now. Im refusing to tell anyone except my best friend, refusing to even believe it really. I am expecting AF to turn up tomorrow on schedule.
There must be a billion thoughts and emotions going through your head right now...
We are all here for you - one day at a time. One step at a time. You don't have to do anything right now - take some time to get used to the idea... Let yourself process everything that you are going through.
Hi Girls - Well that is one day I do not ever want to repeat, I have only just got home after being admitted at 7am. Any dignity I had left after having Amelia I have now given away. I feel like I've had my insides ripped out of me...oh hang on I have! But other than that I'm fine ha ha....if you don't laugh you cry!
Hi Freya, hugs and try not to worry, what is meant to be will be, this may well be the one that sticks, when you least expect it. Sending you the stickiest of sticky vibes. I hope that makes sense, I'm still a bit dazed after my D&C.
Alison -. I bet today was hard. Im glad you are feeling ok.
Freya - Congratulations! If I were pg now Id be feeling exactly the same, wondering when it would end rather than expecting a baby at the end. You are right, 5 losses is 5 too many . Wishing you all the best.
Porsche, I'd love for you not to need this group, but welcome
Found out on the weekend that another friend is pregnant, another surprise. That makes 2 in the last month. And I was at a wedding when she came up and told me, and I just.....froze. Said all the right things, and then missed the ceremony coz I was out the back crying. I understand that she wanted to tell me in person but...well, I guess I wish she hadn't told me at the wedding.
Hi Porsche - I have been thinking of you lots, how are you going sweets? Yesterday you were on my mind alot, having just been through the same a couple of weeks back. Maybe March will be our month hey.....when are you allowed/hoping to start trying again? I have been told to have one normal cycle then start straight away. FS doesn't want me mucking around given my low egg count and age. Scared to even think about it again I have to admit. Not sure I have the guts to risk m/c number 4! Oh and I noticed your sig has a link to your FB page how cool I shall be having a good look. How did you do that, I would like to do the same for mine, I make removable wall stickers for nurseries/kids rooms.
Hi Keike - oh my goodness you poor thing! Does she know what you've been through? I really have noticed these past few weeks how little people understand, I expected all women to be knowledgeable on the whole loss thing but it's apparent that isn't true. All my playgroup friends haven't even hardly asked how I am, a couple have been wonderful but the rest have brushed it over like oh well, try again next time kind of attitude. I have been very disappointed. I've had the most support from my BB forum friends that I met when pregnant with my daughter, they just sent me a bunch of flowers and we all live all over Australia, amazing how some "cyber" friends can be your closest. I don't know your story I'm sorry but I hope we can all get our wish soon, goodness knows we bloomin deserve it!! xx
Yeah she knows, she actually kept it secret from her extended family for 4 months because she didn't want me to find out online, she wanted to say it to me herself. I know a few people who do that actually. I normally think it's very considerate of them, but I don't leave the house at the moment, so this was the only chance she had to tell me. I understand her motives, it was just bad timing.
Fair enough, that was nice of her but like you said timing was bad.......but then again when is it not? I have found the last few months in particular while going through all this fertility treatment hard every time a friend has a baby or tells me she's pregnant, I particularly get irked when it's a "woopsie" or "we weren't really trying that hard" situation....I'm always happy for someone who's having a baby but it still cuts the heart strings doesn't it. How many times have we all put on the "that's great news congratulations" face when inside you're just aching to scream NOT FAIR YOU SUCK!
Keike -.Im sorry you had to go through that. I totally get it. A friend told me she was pg yesterday (due the same day as my last angel) and I burst into tears as soon as I got in the car and started hyperventilating. I was so upset that she got to keep her baby while I have lost 4 of mine. Then I felt even worse for thinking that, and not being happy for her as I should have been.
Alison - How are you today? Still thinking of you.
Porsche - Welcome to our group. How are you going?
Freya - hun like all the ladies have said we are all here for you.... just put one foot in front of the other and breathe xoxo Must so daunting xoxo but we are here for you.....
Alison - hope you are recovering ok ....
Keike - Oh babe that would have been so hard
DG - How are you going my love?
OP - How are you hun?
Porsche - Hi hun... Hope you are ok....
Went to see a counsellor yesterday which is start.... Very emotional day and top it if my husband is a jerk! We are so broken it's not funny.... all I want is a healthy little chubba bubba and I don't think realistically that's ever going to happen when DH are so far apart.... Sorry for the ramble I'm in such a horrible lonely place
xxx
Last edited by chepie; February 8th, 2012 at 09:56 AM.
Keike - Unfortuantely I do find myself here again but with wonderful warm ladies like yourself it eases the pain just a little. I'm so sorry you heard that pregnancy announcement ata wedding. While I understand she was trying to be sensitive to yiur needs could she not have waited untill the reception and at the end of it when you could have just left? :hugs: to you because it is really tough and sucky to hear news like that.
Alison - Is it weired that I've been thinking about you too? I hope yur recovering well. Well I have to sit out a cycle any way because of our 6 week check up but we should be OK to go after that. I don't want to wait longer than neccessary IYKWIM? I'm going to wait for AF and then go on BCP untill we can book our stim cycle. But won't know any more until 2nd March at our 6 week check up. SO If AF comes by the end of this month then *maybe* we can cycle in March but I think realistically it'll be April/May. I didn't think I'd have the guts for aother MC either. You never think it will happen to you hey. That always happens to other people. No one in my family knows about my MC's except for MIL, FIL & my Mum. My sister, BIL & SIL know about the first one but not the second one as we kept our FET quiet. And when we stim again I won't be telling any one.
I'm hearing all about a family member's pregnancy ATM from DH's Grandma & Aunts. His family is very close. It cuts to the core and I can't very well tell them all to shut the hell up lol As much as I'd like too. I'm just trying to avoid them all and unfortuately that means avoiding all family functions.
With my FB page you'll need to become a market place member. Just PM a mod and get the details.
Diamond Girl & Chepie I'm doing OK. I'm still bitter and angry but not as much as last week.
Diamond Girl - :hugs: to you. It's not fair that others get to keep their bubs and you don't. I don't know why bad things happen to good people. I don't think we need any more character building.
Chepie - I'm glad the councelling has helped. It is very lonley in that horrible place. I'm in it ATM and I can sympathise with you. I'm slowly clawing my way out but it's not essy. Especialy when you have no one to talk to about it all. People can sympathise all they like but until they have been in your shoes they will never get it.
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. I bet today was hard. Im glad you are feeling ok.
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