Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #2

[Tegam]

Ladybird. You sound as calm as can be expected. Your levels should reflect you weeks so you should have to wait to know either way

DG glad you made the call. Hugs

Sara I've read your other threads too. Just remember there is no right way or wrong way to get thru this and no one is going to judge you for any of your thoughts or feelings. And nothing you do from here on changes your relationship with Reid. Hugs

OP how are you going.

Sorry if I missed anyone. Just on my phone but wanted to check in on you guys.

[OceanPrincess]

Hi all,

DG: big hugs to you. As I said elsewhere, you have been through so much this year - 3 in one year - it is no wonder you are struggling my dear. Doesn't it feel like everyone around you is growing babies now hey? I know that feeling. I'm so glad you spoke with someone who understands. I also found that really helpful... I hope you can continue to lean on her and talk things out.

Ladybird: How are you doing this afternoon? Have you managed to get in somewhere? Can you get an emergency scan? I really hope you can get some answers and hope that some miracle has occurred. How wonderful that would be!

Sara, how are you? I'm so sorry I didn't respond to your post earlier where you talked about falling off the edge - I know exactly what you mean and reading your post brought that moment flooding back to me... the pain, the anguish, oh how I wish I could take that away from you. You can't breathe, you can't speak, you can't ... you just can't.

And the empty feeling. Oh, I know what you mean. It still hasn't left me. Just empty.

There's a big black hole, right inside me. Empty.

I think of you often.

Tegam, thank you for checking in. I am doing ok. I am getting there. I have moments of pain... but they pass.

We have a decision to make. TTC, or no. I don't know.

[Ilithyia]

Oh you girls are just an amazing bunch of Women. I've been ever so lucky to have such a supportive bunch around me during this time. I'm so appreciative to be a member of this forum and to have you all here.

Thank you

Ladybirdflies - You're more than welcome hun. I'm used to it being me that provides the support. What I mean by your period being due is that with some women, at the time your period would have been due (ie 4 weeks, 8 weeks & 12 weeks) it is possible to have some bleeding. From what I know, the bleeding is apparently because the pregnancy hormones haven't taken full effect over the uterus and the lower part of the uterus bleeds at the time the period would have been due. Don't jump to conclusions just yet. The only way to know for sure is to have an ultrasound. By 8 weeks you will definately see whether babe is ok or not. Have you had one yet?

OP - I'm doin ok hun. Taking everyday as it comes. I'm feeling fairly positive atm. Not placing any pressure on myself. I hate that emptiness. When I'm around pregnancy or babies, I want my body to be filled again. Want to feel my baby kicking, moving and squirming around in me. I'm kinda at a point now that I dont want to dwell on that though. I know all the yearning in the world isnt going to bring him back. Nothing is going to change. So i'm trying to remain positive and apprecaite the time I had with him and focus on what this experience has changed in me. I miss him so much but I'm so glad that I got to meet him and know him.

Tegam - Thanks hun. Yeah i know what your saying. None can tell us whats right for us. And as I slowly recover, I see that now. I dont give hoot if people dont think its the right time. They haven't lived in my experience and know what we've been through. Mind you, i'm my biggest crytic...no-one has even said anything negative yet. I just worry what people WILL say. You're a gem hun! Thanks for your regular visits! xxx

DG - Massive hugs hun. Do what you have to hun. I'm going to get along to the next SANDS meeting. Have you thought about doing the same?

[ladybirdflies]

Just a pop in, I will be back later to reply properly...they found an empty sac, no pole (2 weeks ago there was a pole) Not sure what we are going to do yet, probably wait it out. I will come back to ask all about that later and read your updates. Pretty sad, and feeling very very quiet in myself.... I will be back soon x

[Ilithyia]

Just a pop in, I will be back later to reply properly...they found an empty sac, no pole (2 weeks ago there was a pole) Not sure what we are going to do yet, probably wait it out. I will come back to ask all about that later and read your updates. Pretty sad, and feeling very very quiet in myself.... I will be back soon x

Loads and loads of hun

We'll be here when you're ready!
xxxx

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Oh Ladybirdflies As hard as it is, at least you KNOW now. Doesn't make it any better though, I know

OP - Professor and I can't decide on that either, so we've just basically ignored it and aren't using protection. If it happens it happens. Do you think that could be an option for you?

AFM - I've had a couple of family members (sister and pregnant cousin) ripping in to me over the past week, to the point where I've blocked them both on FB. I don't need their crap at the moment. The pregnant one is angry at me because I'm not jumping for joy about her latest pregnancy and my sister is sticking with her. They both say 'crap happen, get over it and stop being a drama queen'. Nice.

[Hope.Positive.Love]

I'm sneaking in to give massive hugs to LB .... I'm so so sorry :-(
Also to Sara, i've been reading n I'm sooooo sorry my dear...

Ladies who know me, I'm doing better - not ready just yet to come back, DH n I have decided to name our baby (son) which is bringing back a lot of emotions, but we need to do it to heal.....

Support n love from a far - you are always in my thoughts and love ....

[Freya]

Ladybird I am so sorry. Sounds like similar circumstances to my last miscarriage. I chose to wait it out because I had already started bleeding. I think it was the worst miscarriage emotionally for me. I hope you've got support IRL.

DG, Im glad the S&K counsellor was able to help you by listening. Id never have though of ringing them.

Sara, I dont know what to say except Im so sorry and I think your amazing

Chugging along here. In limbo. I had a friend ask me the other day if I was scared about TTC again. And honestly, I am so scared it makes me feel sick. Im supposed to have sorted out a Dr to manage the clexane etc because I have to be on it ASAP after a + hpt and we're planning on trying in a few weeks but Ive just been putting off and putting it off, subconciously I think its so I dont have to think about everything. Ugh. I really hope it works first go because I just dont know if I have the energy to ride the merry go round again.

[ladybirdflies]

HI everyone... nothing much has changed physically around here, still discharge and nothing else. I have been pretty sad, well not pretty sad... really really sad. I had a huge release of a cry last night, just sobbed and let it all move through me, today i feel less like crying but so very tired. The symptoms are certainly reducing yet my body still has not let go. So I still feel quite stuck in limbo land, I know waiting it out is best for me at this stage, I just guess I must have thought something more would be happening by now, considering I have had this brown discharge since last Friday..... I went down the street today, and it was really hard. I actually avoided one of my really close friends because I just can't go there and say it out loud. That seems so odd to me that I can't and don't want to say anything, I want them to know but I feel like a school girl wanting someone else to tell them for me. Not because I am embarrassed or anything, I just guess I am not ready. Maybe because I haven't actually bled, I feel like I am still so in it, like current not past tense... sorry for the ramble, I really came in to say I appreciate the selfless support that you ladies have offered even though in your own pains. And once I feel clear I know I can support you all also, but right now its cloudy...

[Maruschke]

Oh no LB I am so so sorry

[Diamond Girl]

Im so sorry LB. Its especially hard when you are still going through all the physical stuff. I hope it ends quickly for you. Avoid people as long as you need to.

Bad day for me. I put away my maternity pants. I tried to iron them but just holding them was too much, so I quickly folded them all and put them into the back of my drawer. I wondered why I should bother, as if I'll ever get to the point in pg where I'll really need them. Then I opened my other drawer I saw my leftover maxalon pills. What I wouldnt do to be still throwing up daily. I was in hospital too for dehydration, but still my baby didnt live. I have next to no hope left....tomorrow, please be a better day because today Im so sad.

[Hope.Positive.Love]

Oh DG I couldn't read your post and not reply..... Be strong when you can, have bad days and have days you completely fall apart, them breath and take anoter step forward - eventually we take more forward steps then backward ones my dear

Today I took a leap forward and held my friends precious little girl who is 2wks old .... She was born 2 days after our 'son' was born... Was very difficult at first but then she grabbed my finger and I just knew I would one day hold my own baby again...

My son may not be here, he is with his sister/brother looking down over DD but one day not sure when but one day I will have a live babe again...

DG I think what I mean is it's ok to have a bad day even a hundred becuase there will be one day where you do something and just know you will okay, it may not be that day, but you know that one day soon you will be okay again....

***sneaks back out again, but kinda still hangs around **

[Diamond Girl]

Thankyou Hope for your kind words. Today is a better day thankfully. Yesterday I was a mess. I think you were very brave to hold that baby. Yes, you will hold your own baby again, when the time is right. I wish I were that positive about the future. Im glad you are still hanging around and I hope you are starting to heal. xx

[Hope.Positive.Love]

DG: I'm not always that positive about the future lol ... today is a great example of me just wanting to WHOLE WORLD to go away and leave me alone lol - working with kids though probably didnt help with me either....

Glad you had a better day...

Starting to heal slowly, luckily I have a wonderful husband and DD

[Diamond Girl]

Hope: I have so many days just like that where I want the whole world to go away too. Im sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Healing is a long process. I dont think Ive recovered fully from any of my losses, not sure I ever will. Working with kids must be hard atm.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I've had a pretty bad week depression/anxiety wise, so I'm sorry I haven't been around. The concept of reading back through is kinda hurting my brain at the moment, so I'm gonna throw in a and start new from here. I think we can all use a

[OceanPrincess]

I've just caught up...

DG, I'm so sorry you had such a horrible day. Hope things are looking up. Take it one day at a time. We're all here for you.

HPL - hope you are doing ok too.

Keike - hope things start to improve for you

AFU... Sick. Again. So over it!

[Maruschke]

I've had a pretty bad week depression/anxiety wise, so I'm sorry I haven't been around. The concept of reading back through is kinda hurting my brain at the moment, so I'm gonna throw in a and start new from here. I think we can all use a