Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #2

[Diamond Girl]

Chepie - Im so sorry. Ive been thinking of you this week since its so close to Hugh's due date. Vent/cry here as much as you need to.

Porsche - I will be on clexane until 36 weeks too. Im not sure why considering it didnt stop me from m/cing last time. Unfortunately I suffer from bad m/s so its near impossible to keep it a secret for long.

Freya - I have lots of those days too, sigh.

[Tegam]

Oh cheapie. My hearts breaks for you. I am so sorry.

Lysdan. Never ever stupid. I'm sorry your baby couldn't stay. I am also sorry you have to deal with all this when you are missing your miss a!

I can't remember who posted about keeping pregnancy secret. I kept my last pregnancy quiet until the 20week scan. It made me feel better. Helped me bond with my baby. People got upset but my pregnancy was about me! Do whatever gets you thru!

Ladies I just wanted you all to know that there are those of us that are here. Our losses my not be as recent or as raw as yours but we remember your pain. Sorry I don't get to post as much as I'd like. But you are not alone xx

[chepie]

Thanks ladies oxoxo ...... Hope everyone is doing ok....

DG - thanks for thinking of me..... How are you going babe?

Well yesterday was Hugh's due date and it was so hard...... All this week I have found myself wandering around looking at baby clothes.... Honestly when I have been in Target some how I found myself in the babe section! Gah seriously .......... No one remembered only my mum and DH of course....

Anyways I took the day of work today as I couldn't face work... I should be on Mat leave!

Oh I am on flood watch now!

Love to you all

xx

[Diamond Girl]

Chepie - Im glad you took the day off. All the 'should have beens' are hard.

Well, BFN for me today and Im taking it really badly. I feel so stupid because I expected it to be positive. I thought I was doing ok, but today just brings it all back. Im a mess today. Not pg, feeling so hopeless, like I'll never ever hold a newborn of my own again, and it H U R T S. I must be some kind of psycho because I picked up my three year old, held him like a baby and tried to rock him to sleep in the rocking chair. Of course he wasnt interested and said 'mummy Im a big boy, not a baby'. Then I realised what I was doing and felt like even more of a mental case. Ok, time to stop crying now.

[chepie]

Oh hun you are not a mental case!!!!! I picked dd up the other day and tried to do that exact same thing!! I TOTALLY GET............... I am sorry that it was BFN... could it be too early may be?? I am sorry that you are hurting I really am ooxx

[Diamond Girl]

Thankyou Chepie. I feel so much better for getting that out. I hope it was too early, but sadly, I dont think so.

[Alison1973]

Hi Girls!

Chepie - I'm so sorry for you, that must have been a super hard day, my heart breaks for you. xx

Diamond Girl - I'm sorry to you also for your BFN, I can only imagine what that feels like, guess I'll be there myself again soon enough. Sending you some sticky vibes for next month xx

How is everyone else going???

AFM - well, yesterday AF arrived, Day 23 since my D&C, I have to say I was rather shocked she came back so soon, but at the same time with my progesterone issues my cycles are always 22/23 days and yep, Day 22 I started spotting and bang yesterday she hit, I have to say, it's very heavy too, is this a normal thing after a D&C?! So I rang the OB to check it's definitely ok to start treatment as I felt it was too soon but she is happy for me to continue. She said if I'm ready then go for it. Well, that's the magical question isn't it, in all honesty I'm not feeling ready, but will I ever now, after 3 miscarriages when can you relax and take the ride casually, never! With my egg count so low I don't feel like I'm in a position to be wasting months so here we go again! So we're doing 2 "timed intercourse" cycles and if nothing's happened we're doing IUI. Got Heparin injections and Prednisolone on top of the usual aspirin and progesterone etc., so it's going to be a fun month, not. Also, ironically my test results from the D&C came through yesterday as well, weird.........after all that it wasn't anything to do with my hormonal issues/treatment, it was a bloomin chromosome thing, Trisomy 16, she said it's a common reason for miscarriage in the first tri and has nothing to do with my age (thank goodness), just unlucky - yeah well no offence lady but unlucky is my middle name lately! Oh, and she asked if I'd like to know the sex and I said yes.....it was a little girl. So, putting myself out there for more hurt, but what can I do but try and try again!

[forshelby]

for everyone.

Today a close friend of mine told me she is pregnant. We'll call her A. I am beyond thrilled for her. She knows about my first mc, but not the most recent one. I decided not to talk to her about it just now as I didn't want to rain on the parade. But, that familiar pang of "I should be too" hit me. Unexpectedly. And then our other close friend 'B' (one of the three amigos as we were when we were all at work lol) called to see if I'd heard the news. She told me that she told A about my chem. Now I feel bad vicariously... because although I didn't share the news myself, it's sure to dampen her spirits. I have no issue with A sharing my latest crap news with B, we are like sisters. But I still feel sad that there was anything to discuss at all. Last time A was pg, I was still in the throes of coming to terms with my first mc. History repeats itself, eh?

I don't know why I'm going on about this, just wanted to vent I suppose. I'm 90% happy for her, 10% sad for me. That's a pretty healthy ratio, right?

Anyway DP and I got to talking, and he says although money is tight, when I am ready we might as well go for it. Afterall, life's too short. We'll get by like we always do. He must be really clucky himself because he even agreed to try for a third in the same breath . This is from Mr No kids, ever.... who turned into no MORE kids ever...... who is now Ok, two more. If I wasn't having some issues with his sporadic lack of support and selfishness, I would be throwing my BCP in the bin right now. But I would rather wait until I have got it through his head that I need his support always, not just when he's had a good day. That's important to me. I struggle now. Imagine me hormonal and pg, or then with 2 littlies driving me bonkers. I would probably smack him with a frying pan lol.

Ok, rambling now. It's been a weird day. I'm glad it's over. to all my kindred spirits in here.

[Porsche]

Hi Ladies

DiamondGirl - . Your so not a mental case. I'm really sorry for the BFN. It's just another reminder of where we are again.

Foreshelby - to you as well. That is a good ratio. You'll always have the pang. I think that's normal. You are a great friend and I'm sure she knows it. I hope your DP keeps up the happy mood. Men!

Alison - I think you have a good plan in store. I think if your not really ready but will try anyway that your plan sounds perfect. Good luck.

AFM - We saw FS yesterday and I'm on BCP until 26th March when hopefully AF will arrive shortly after. I'll start synarel on day 8 of BCP. So we will have EPU in April. I'd say around the middle some time. I'll be on 180iu of Puregon which is a bit higher than last time. But whatever works. We're doing a down reg cycle.

[Alison1973]

Hi Forshelby - that is a totally natural reaction and I think you handled it really well, hugs that it's your turn next xx

Hi Porsche - have been wondering how your appointment went, you've probably told me before but I've forgotten, how come you have to take the BCP, has your period not returned on it's own? Also, was it you telling me you were taking the Prednisolone? I am really nervous about taking it, everything I read says it suppresses your immune system, does this mean you can pick up any bug going around? If so I'm not taking it, I need to be healthy right now! I'm only on 5mg so maybe it's not enough to make much of a difference, I still don't see the point of taking this, my issue is clearly progesterone deficiency (besides this latest miscarriage) so why am I taking this. I know they are throwing stuff at me but really is it all necessary! Had my first Clexane shot last night, DH did it for me, I can't bring myself to do it yet, didn't hurt going in but it stung for a bit afterwards. He's only given me enough for 20 days so I don't know if it means once I ovulate that will be it? I am hating all these drugs and things I really am. Have to call the naturopath as I've heard so many people talk about the success of chinese herbs etc while doing treatment, depending on the cost I might give it a go.

[Porsche]

Hi Forshelby - that is a totally natural reaction and I think you handled it really well, hugs that it's your turn next xx

Hi Porsche - have been wondering how your appointment went, you've probably told me before but I've forgotten, how come you have to take the BCP, has your period not returned on it's own? Also, was it you telling me you were taking the Prednisolone? I am really nervous about taking it, everything I read says it suppresses your immune system, does this mean you can pick up any bug going around? If so I'm not taking it, I need to be healthy right now! I'm only on 5mg so maybe it's not enough to make much of a difference, I still don't see the point of taking this, my issue is clearly progesterone deficiency (besides this latest miscarriage) so why am I taking this. I know they are throwing stuff at me but really is it all necessary! Had my first Clexane shot last night, DH did it for me, I can't bring myself to do it yet, didn't hurt going in but it stung for a bit afterwards. He's only given me enough for 20 days so I don't know if it means once I ovulate that will be it? I am hating all these drugs and things I really am. Have to call the naturopath as I've heard so many people talk about the success of chinese herbs etc while doing treatment, depending on the cost I might give it a go.

Alison - I was told by another of FS's patients that the prednisone is to help boost your immune system for FET. But I'm not 100% sure on that. You should see all the stuff I take before EPU and after EPU & ET. I litterally rattle when I walk lol.

I'm on BCP because AF still hasn't arrive (the witch) and my dildo cam revealed that my ovaries are very quiet. So AF is wayyyy off. Who knows when she'll arrive? This way using BCP my levels will level out and we can time AF.

I found the clexane injections were the worst. Big bruises etc.... When are you planing your TF?

[chepie]

Hi ladies how is everyone going?

[Alison1973]

Hi Porsche - ha ha ha dildo cam, that make me laugh so much, I'm going to think of that when I go in for my next ultrasound in a week to check my ovaries. I'm just doing a timed intercourse cycle again, because my issue is not falling pregnant but staying pregnant they are trying the Clexane and Prednisolone just in case I guess. As far as I know after 2 cycles of this if nothing's happened it's IUI, not sure what the point of that is either as I am getting pregnant relatively easily on my own but I'll give anything a go. OMG the bruising is hideous, how do you find room, I'm going to run out soon, I have a little bit of a tummy but how on earth do people with flat stomachs handle this?! I'm not sure I'm keen to do this again next month, finding out the most recent miscarriage was due to Trisomy 16 has made me think that perhaps the progesterone and aspirin treatment on it's own was enough. But, like I said I'll give it a shot this month and see how I feel. AF is just about finished for me so I guess I'll be heading into ovulation later this week/next weekend, providing everything works the way it should! I hope the BCP's hurry up and do their job so you can get moving!

Hi Chepie, how are you going?

How is everyone else going? xx

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Just found out a friend of mine who has had many miscarriages and feels the same way I do.....is pregnant. Yesterday I was telling Professor that I'm not sane enough to have children, and I was completely fine with that. Today I feel like I've been stabbed, and I feel awful that I'm angry at her for leaving me to find out on FB. Her sister didn't announce her current pregnancy until she had told me in person, I didn't think it would make so much difference. But seeing the pics of her girls announcing it - I feel like I can't breathe

Professor and I had a weekend away, and on the way back we drove through her town. We got confused, thought today was Sunday and she wouldn't be home, so we didn't visit. Now words can't describe how happy I am that we didn't, I couldn't have faced the announcement in person.

Wow, it never gets any easier, does it?

[Joeve]

Oh sweetheart it doesn't matter how you find out it rips a piece of your heart out everytime

[Alison1973]

Keike - Joeve is so right, it would hurt like hell no matter what, I'm so sorry, it's such a crap feeling isn't it. My very good friend who fell pregnant on her first try (baby number 1) is due only a few days after I would have been after my most recent m/c.....she just announced to the world that she's pregnant and put pics of her 12 week scan up on FB. Of course I'm really happy for her but it just brings it all back to the surface of what could have been for me. So don't feel alone in your emotions and feelings, it's all normal and natural. Sucks to be us sometimes doesn't it. xx

[Diamond Girl]

Keike - It never, ever gets easier. I hate that everyone else is pg and gets to keep their babies while we just keep ending up back here.

Alison - You are right, it definately sucks to be us.

AFM - AF started today, two days late mind you, I think just to mess with my mind, lol.

[chepie]

Oh DG hun I am sorry xooxox What a witch to start two days late too .... Hope you are okay