Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #3

Oooooh Freya I am so excited for you hunni!!! Please please stick little bubba :pray:. I'm really hoping and praying hard your luck is turning around!! Big hugs and stay calm hun :cool: xoxox

COngrats Freya!!! Sounds like a good sticky one! With this pregnancy we only did it once too! So I get the OMG :o ...... I have everything crossed for you hun you have had a rotten time of late xoxo

Its over. Had a massive bleed, as if miscarrying isnt undignified enough I bled through my ****ing pants in the carpark of the Drs office. Go me. Did another digi just now and it said 'Pregnant 1-2' so my guess is hcg is dropping. I got a beautiful darker-than-control-line FRER last night too. I just dont know what to do anymore. Worse yet, Im alone since hubby is away.


I cant do this anymore, I just cant.

Oh freya. I am so sorry.

My heart breaks for you :(

Oh Freya sweet heart I am so sorry....... I don't understand why life can be so cruel...... Is there anyone who can come over and give you some real life support? I am so sorry xoxoxo

Freya hugs darling x

Thanks guys. Ive had people calling me all afternoon and a very good friend dropped off some chocolate, chips and tim tams for me lol

This is really weird. Ive had no more bleeding since the incident this arvo; a few smears when I wiped in the hour or so after but now nothing. Ive got a few aches and pains but nothing substantial. Really really weird. Wish it would just get on with it, I hate sitting in limbo.

Did you have a scan to confirm your loss hun? Maybe it was not what you think. I know I know, I've said that to myself every damn time. :hug:

The last 2 nights, I've had baby dreams. Adopting in one (from Quinn in Glee), and my mother paying someone to seduce me to get me pregnant in the other (Puck). Far out. Weirdo dreams, but they've left me shattered for some reason. This morning I cried so much I had to go back to bed, I felt empty like when I woke up from my D&C.

Last night I realised that last year was the first year since I've been married that I haven't gotten pregnant. I guess I still had some hope left, even when I was losing babies. But not even having them at all is worse, at least for me.

No I havent had a scan yet because Im not entirely sure how far along I would be. Im going to still go for my bHCG test tomorrow and thurs and see how that goes. Im still entirely pessimistic but I guess until the bleeding continues or a scan confirms the worst there is always the minute sliver of chance. I would never be that lucky though :(

I'm really sorry Freya, I hope the bleeding turns out nothing, I had a big bleed 2 weeks ago, went for a scan assuming the worst to find out I had a subchorionic hematoma, apparently quite common so maybe it's that? I had cramping with it too. Hoping everything is ok for you xx

AFM - well confirmed my bub's heart beat has gone - 8 weeks, 4 days today. Booked in for my 2nd D&C in a few months for Wednesday so I can have the testing done. Will stop the progesterone and hope the mc doesn't come on before I go in. I have been given a specimen jar in case, oh joy. I just want it over again, I want to feel normal and not sick anymore, you don't mind so much when its for a reason but when it's not it's hard to take. Got my appointment with the new clinic in July, that gives me a good break to de-stress and try my luck elsewhere. The OB I saw today is an FS at the current clinic but basically told me in not so many words that they generally don't like to step on each other's toes so I think moving clinics is probably necessary anyway. Besides, I feel jinxed at that place, I will never set foot in that scanning place again for a while I tell you, urgh. In the last 6 months I've been pregnant for 4 of them and not pregnant for 2, yet still no baby to show, how does that work.

Hope everyone else is well and plodding along as always xx

Freya, I really hope everything turns out OK hun. I really do :hug:

Alison, I am so heartbroken for you hun :cry:. Life can be so cruel sometimes. I don't know why such a beautiful person like yourself has to go through loss time and time again. It really just sucks big time and it's so bloody unfair. I wish it wasn't the case hun. Big hugs darling, I hope the new place brings you more luck and that gorgeous take home bubba :hug:

Keike, hugs lovely :hug:

Oh Alison :( that sucks (Id like to use stronger words!), I was really hoping for more positive news. As for the scanning place, just dont go there again if you can; might ease things a bit in the future. Ive done it before, switched scan places.

Im am just so angry with the cards some of us are dealt. Its unfair. I dont begrudge people not having to go through this journey and being lucky enough to have the children they want without problems but Im irrational atm; if one more person tells me to be positive and think of what I have I will lose my marbles. Im especially angry at my best friend, who has not bothered to contact me today even though I know she has been on FB. She's probably upset that I put out the apology that I am not going to be a person to coo over pregnancies and babies for awhile so I dont want anyone to get narky or offended if I just ignore those things to protect my battered heart til it heals a little. She has been 100% focused on herself since she found out she was pregnant, and I get that I do but Ive had two m/c's since she found out and not once has she even for a second though about the position it puts me in. I went to her 12 and 20wk scans because her DH couldnt be there even though it hurt alot, did she even acknowledge that? Nope. I have listened to her complain about feeling tired and sick all the time, and I get that too I do pregnancy has never been a walk in the park for me, but really complaining to me about that all the time and Im supposed to grin and nod? I guess Im feeling a little unconsidered, selfish I know but meh Im in a selfish mood tonight.

Freya, you are not selfish at all sweets. In fact, as happy as I am to hear that your bestie is pg, I am really sad to hear that she hasn't been more supportive of you through your 2 m/c since she's been pg. Now that's selfish hun :hug:

Thanks Miss B, I only get through it because of beautiful people like yourself giving me encouragement and hugs :hug:

Freya, I could have written that post myself! I had a girl I know who has a daughter my daughter's age and is as far as long as me with her 2nd (bear in mind it took her 12 months to get the 2nd) and do you know what she said to me when I told her the other day......."do you think this is someone trying to tell you something, I mean, you are blessed to have Amelia at least".....I couldn't even reply, I like to chat and yet I was lost for words. If she had've said it to my face, I think I would have punched her from one end of the room to the other, no lie. I'm sick of hearing those kinds of be grateful for what you already have comments. Bugger off, unless you've walked in my shoes, bugger off. Hugs to us all xx

Alison I am sorry hun... I wish I had the right words to help ease your pain sweetie xx

Freya and Alison - do we have the same best friend??? Mine is the same, when the hospital had the memorial service for babies (unders 20 weeks) who didn't make we went for Hugh which was so overwhelming - she forgot and never mentioned anything about it.... and many more things which I won't go into as I would be here all day!! I don't get how people can be so self absorbed - it hurts :grouphug:

Alison - Im so sorry. Im sorry you are living the nightmare I have just endured. I also was sick (vomiting several times a day and crazy sick at night) after all my babies had passed, while waiting for the D&C. I had 3 D&Cs in 11 months and was pg for most of them, 35w all up. I know how bad it is. I also had a friend tell me to be happy with the two I had and not try again. I was so upset by those comments. Its going to be very hard over the next few weeks and months, but I hope and pray your next pg is a sticky one. I lost hope after 4 m/c but here I am with hope of a sticky one. Please dont give up.

Freya - Im sorry to hear about the bleed. I hope that it is a one off and bub is just getting comfy. Of course its natural to believe the worst when thats all you are used to getting, and hey, Ive done plenty of that this pg. Im sorry also that your friend is so selfish, she doesnt realise how lucky she is!! I dont know why it has to be so hard for so many. I wish you all the best for your appt hun.

Going to hospital, keep bleeding heavily through my pants and Im in alot of pain. Will update when I can.

Oh no Freya .... Hope you are ok (under the circumstances that is) xx

Being admitted. Had ultrasound, they can see a mass next to left ovary and internal bleeding so I'm waiting on Obgyn to decide my fate but I am nil by mouth so its probably surgery. I think this will be the end of our journey I just can't keep doing this :(

Hope you're ok Freya
Xxx

Freya oh sweetie I am thinking of you. Hope you are ok x

Hugs Freya, thinking of you and sending you strength...

Hello to everybody else, I am sticking my head back out in the world after recovering, it has taken so long!

Thinking of you Freya, I hope you're OK hun :hug:

Hello ladybirdflies, so nice to hear from you sweetie. Big hugs xoxox

Hi Ladies

Freya - Sending big hugs to you. Hoping everything is ok. :hug:

Ladybirdflies - Great to see you back (ykwim).

Alison - Thinking of you. Hoping all goes well.

Oh no Freya, Im devestated for you. Im hoping you are ok. :hug:

Hi girls, I think I'll join in here if I may.

I've had an early mc, a couple of chem pregs and now this one at (almost) 9 weeks. I think this one is going to shadow any future pregnancies more than the others did because my bfps were so dark with this one, and at 6 weeks my hcg was high, so I felt like this one was really a goer. But, not. I also think I am going to be paranoid about morning sickness from here on cos I had virtually none with this preg and it ended badly.

And I must say, a mc at 9 weeks is rather more ,um, full on than one at 5.5weeks. The bulk of it happened yesterday but I had been bleeding since Friday.

Alison - hi hun I see you are in here. It looks like we are still in sync - which would almost be amusing if it wasn't so horrible and tragic for us both. xx

I suppose at least I am getting better at conceiving apparently - after 9 months of trying with absolutely nothing I then got utd 3 times in 4 cycles. ??? Hopefully that part at least will stay the same, and I will hope for a better outcome.

I've been grieving since Friday so thought I'd done most of it, but have been extremely teary on and off today. I think it was something to do with having to go back out there and face the real world (have been mostly hanging out in my pjs for the last few days.)

xxx

Just a quick update.

Back at home, they ended up not doing surgery because Ive started bleeding a bit more consistently. They still arent ruling out a ectopic of unknown origin (meaning they dont know where the baby implanted) but they are guessing its outside the uterus. I have to go back to the hospital on Tues for follow up bloods (my bHCG only went from 69 on tues when this all started to 54 yesterday) and they are going to investigate why this keeps happening to me. If my bloods havent dropped enough theyll look at doing surgery.

Ive kinda made myself numb so I dont have to hurt. This really really sucks.

Hi Ladies

Smamfa - I'm so sorry you've had to join us here. You take as long as you like to greive. There are no ruls to that.

Freya - What a terrible time your having. I hope they can give you some answers soon.

Oh no Smamfa, I am crying see you back in here, I am so sorry for you. I feel so upset for us. How are you coping? I don't think it matters how we feel in pregnancy anymore, it will always be stressful, I relaxed a little in this one because my HCG too was very high, the nurses were even commenting on how great my numbers were and right up until the day before the D&C I was experiencing terrible nausea, especially at night so that obviously means nothing either. I had my D&C, 2nd for the year on Wednesday at 8 weeks, 6 days, this one was harder than the last, the nurse woke me up in recovery as I was crying, apparently I cried during the procedure too. I am feeling fine now, physically I'm not in much pain and have no bleeding which is a bonus but I am taking a while to not feel that groggy feeling in my head and I'm so sad. I also picked up all my paperwork from the clinic as we're heading to a new one in July to try a new plan. Seeing all my results in writing is interesting but also a reminder of how much has gone wrong. Scan results all over the place with subchorionic bleeds and unviable pregnancies, not fun. I honestly cannot believe we are so in sync yet in such a tragic way, what are we going to do sweetie xx

Freya - I am so sorry for you too, this is just so hard on us all, why do we all have to suffer like this while others just get pregnant and stay pregnant so easily. I can get pregnant no problems, but keeping it is just so hard and let's face it, I really am starting to think it would just be easier to not get pregnant at all.

Porsche - I hope you are doing well lovely girl.

We all deserve a friggin break, the universe has sucked a*se for us lately and I've had enough! I've written a blog if anyone is interested, it may help your journey or give you a laugh as I'm a terrible writer. The Egg and Womb Race - I hope I'm allowed to put that on here, don't fancy getting into trouble at the moment.

Did I mention a friend of mine suggested that perhaps this was a sign for me to give up - and yep she's newly pregnant after trying for 12 months herself. I haven't spoken to her since and probably won't until I can get past the fact she even uttered those words to me at a time like this. I have decided to ignore all people who have not been through this as they can't possibly understand what it does to someone, they can pretend they know all they like, but they just can't and god help them if they ever have to experience it, just once let alone a bunch of times like some of us............I hope they find supportive people like we have if it does because it's a lonely world out there otherwise. xx

Hi girl looks like I'm in this thread now. Utterly shocked to be honest no sign that I was going to loose button until this morning.
Tonight I lost button and am so glad dh was here to support me. I don't know of it was normal though as last time it was different this time was well worse feeling. Of course I won't go into details but how do know it's normal and gone well (so to speak) I am not in alot of pain thankfully but still in shock. I defently certain on my dates was at least 5w 3days. I am sorry to all who has had to go through this. xx

Hi Ashie - so sorry you have to join this thread. I have never had a natural miscarriage, well not past around the 4 week mark anyway, I've just had my 2nd D&C in 5 months on Wednesday at 8 weeks 6 days, because I'm on progesterone support mine just hang on in there unfortunately. I did have 2 chemicals last year but they were very early so just the same as a heavy period and just lasted a lot longer, something like 10 days of bleeding. I remember wondering how much blood can be in there in such a short time. Take some time to grieve today and know that we are here for you if you need to talk xx

AFM - doing ok, still struggling to get over the groggy head feeling, must be the anesthetic. Had no bleeding on Thursday at all and then last night the cramps started and now I'm having quite a decent flow, very odd. Oh well, all part of the healing process I suppose. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Oh Ashie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss hun :hug:. I guess different people experience m/c in different ways (I just wish it didn't happen at all and once you got pg everything would go smoothly...in a perfect world). My m/c was around 6.5 weeks but I knew that the embryo stopped growing and a m/c was inevetible. I waited and waited and was so scared to m/c naturally so ended up having a d&c. Right up till that time (I would have been around 8.5 weeks when I had the d&c) nothing was happening so my body wasn't letting go.
Go gently honey, m/c can be such a scary thing as often one doesn't know what to expect (particularly if you've never been through one before). If you are concerned at any point please call the doc hun. Big hugs again lovely, I really feel your pain and shock :comfort:.

Alison, great big hugs gorgeous girl, sending you all my love xoxoxox

Freya, big hugs for you too hun :hug: hope you're doing ok xoxox

Thanks girls xx
Went to the hospital as I wanted a anti d shot as I'm o neg blood group and ds2 was a positive baby. It's my 2nd m/c my last was a few months before concieving ds3.
I had bloods drawn they tried to do an u/s as they want to make sure everything has happened correctly but my bladder was empty so couldn't see anything. Still in shock keep having little breakdowns of crying well more sobbing as its hard to compose yourself having this all stored up. I didn't have much pain until afterwards felt like uterus was contracting abit. Yes it was a suprise but a much loved suprise. Life is cruel to give me something so wanted then to take it away again? Just not fair. Can't ttc ATM either have to get a few things on track before we could and I think that hurts just as bad too. Still suffering of symptoms was told it will take up to a couple of weeks to go. So that's a blow, so is going to the toilet ad just seeing blood. Just feeling another level of depression atm, my head and emotions are just bouncing everywhere. This week has been bad ds3 surgery (which thankfully went well) but was frightening abd stressful, now this I was hoping so much for my happy ending. Worst part is when people say oh that may of been a girl or maybe you can't carry girls (as I've m/c twice) just makes me angry and bottle myself up more.
Just sucks ive almost has the same amount of live births as m/c's, I don't know if other things will be added on my list of what weird about me they can't figure out again.

Ashie just go easy on yourself, have a little break and let your body and mind heal a little before trying again, it's so important I feel, it sux but you will get past the pain and sadness enough to carry on. I've had more miscarriages than live births, it is very hard to swallow but I am determined to get my 2nd baby and when I do I am going to be a very fulfilled mummy, I am content with my beautiful girl, but I long for another and I know Amelia would just love a little sister or brother. We will all get thereeventually - especially if we have each other for support xx

Freya how are you going?

Just existing Alison. I'm still in disbelief that this has even happened, I mean who has 7 miscarriages? It seems so surreal that we have come full circle and then some, over 2 years of ttc and 4 miscarriages and nothing to show for it. I'm waiting to fall apart; it's going to happen eventually but ATM I think I'm in survival mode trying to get through this with my sanity intact. Physically the bleeding is stop start, still got pain and it's worse when I am on my feet a lot which is pretty much all day with 3 small kids to look after. I'm feeling very disconnected, I wish I had someone IRL to talk to about it. Thank god for you girls!!!!

How are all of you doing? I'm sorry you have had to join us Smamfa :(

Freya I am still shaking my head in disbelief for you. I admire you 'existing' but then again what choice do any of us have.... Hug chick

Freya I totally understand wanting someone to talk too. Dh has been support but when talking about this you can see he isn't listening to the extent I want. So I get hesitant to talk.

Afm- waiting for the nurse to call me with my results, feeling nervous I am dreading high hcg as my last mc was very low hcg. I dunno really I still have morning sickness which is cruel abd wondering how much hcg levels would be to cause symptoms.

Hi Freya - I know it sucks big time, no one should have to suffer 1 miscarriage let alone several plus, urgh.

Hi Smamfa - how are you going sweets?

AFM - I'm doing ok, the bleeding is starting to subside a little and only the odd little pain here and there. I am still incredibly tired though, doesn't help that my 2.5 year old now seems to have a stomach bug, awesome, throw it all at me why don't you universe. She seems ok within herself but she had some diarrhea last night and vomited once this morning, a hoping she makes a miraculous recovery as I don't do sickness very well at the best of times let alone now. Groan.

Hi All,

Finding it hard to really put into words how I am feeling after I had a D&C for a MM/C at 12+3 last week. Bubs had passed at about 8 weeks they said.
Most horrible thing was seeing bubs on the screen with no heartbeat.
I have pretty much just tried to ignore it and move on.
Seems like thats easier said than done.

Its just hard to think that for 4 weeks I knew something felt wrong but I didn't go to the hospital to get checked out.

I am so sorry to read of your losses and it breaks my heart. :grouphug: