Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #3

Oh no Smamfa, I am crying see you back in here, I am so sorry for you. I feel so upset for us. How are you coping? I don't think it matters how we feel in pregnancy anymore, it will always be stressful, I relaxed a little in this one because my HCG too was very high, the nurses were even commenting on how great my numbers were and right up until the day before the D&C I was experiencing terrible nausea, especially at night so that obviously means nothing either. I had my D&C, 2nd for the year on Wednesday at 8 weeks, 6 days, this one was harder than the last, the nurse woke me up in recovery as I was crying, apparently I cried during the procedure too. I am feeling fine now, physically I'm not in much pain and have no bleeding which is a bonus but I am taking a while to not feel that groggy feeling in my head and I'm so sad. I also picked up all my paperwork from the clinic as we're heading to a new one in July to try a new plan. Seeing all my results in writing is interesting but also a reminder of how much has gone wrong. Scan results all over the place with subchorionic bleeds and unviable pregnancies, not fun. I honestly cannot believe we are so in sync yet in such a tragic way, what are we going to do sweetie xx

Freya - I am so sorry for you too, this is just so hard on us all, why do we all have to suffer like this while others just get pregnant and stay pregnant so easily. I can get pregnant no problems, but keeping it is just so hard and let's face it, I really am starting to think it would just be easier to not get pregnant at all.

Porsche - I hope you are doing well lovely girl.

We all deserve a friggin break, the universe has sucked a*se for us lately and I've had enough! I've written a blog if anyone is interested, it may help your journey or give you a laugh as I'm a terrible writer. The Egg and Womb Race - I hope I'm allowed to put that on here, don't fancy getting into trouble at the moment.

Did I mention a friend of mine suggested that perhaps this was a sign for me to give up - and yep she's newly pregnant after trying for 12 months herself. I haven't spoken to her since and probably won't until I can get past the fact she even uttered those words to me at a time like this. I have decided to ignore all people who have not been through this as they can't possibly understand what it does to someone, they can pretend they know all they like, but they just can't and god help them if they ever have to experience it, just once let alone a bunch of times like some of us............I hope they find supportive people like we have if it does because it's a lonely world out there otherwise. xx

Hi girl looks like I'm in this thread now. Utterly shocked to be honest no sign that I was going to loose button until this morning.
Tonight I lost button and am so glad dh was here to support me. I don't know of it was normal though as last time it was different this time was well worse feeling. Of course I won't go into details but how do know it's normal and gone well (so to speak) I am not in alot of pain thankfully but still in shock. I defently certain on my dates was at least 5w 3days. I am sorry to all who has had to go through this. xx

Hi Ashie - so sorry you have to join this thread. I have never had a natural miscarriage, well not past around the 4 week mark anyway, I've just had my 2nd D&C in 5 months on Wednesday at 8 weeks 6 days, because I'm on progesterone support mine just hang on in there unfortunately. I did have 2 chemicals last year but they were very early so just the same as a heavy period and just lasted a lot longer, something like 10 days of bleeding. I remember wondering how much blood can be in there in such a short time. Take some time to grieve today and know that we are here for you if you need to talk xx

AFM - doing ok, still struggling to get over the groggy head feeling, must be the anesthetic. Had no bleeding on Thursday at all and then last night the cramps started and now I'm having quite a decent flow, very odd. Oh well, all part of the healing process I suppose. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Oh Ashie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss hun :hug:. I guess different people experience m/c in different ways (I just wish it didn't happen at all and once you got pg everything would go smoothly...in a perfect world). My m/c was around 6.5 weeks but I knew that the embryo stopped growing and a m/c was inevetible. I waited and waited and was so scared to m/c naturally so ended up having a d&c. Right up till that time (I would have been around 8.5 weeks when I had the d&c) nothing was happening so my body wasn't letting go.
Go gently honey, m/c can be such a scary thing as often one doesn't know what to expect (particularly if you've never been through one before). If you are concerned at any point please call the doc hun. Big hugs again lovely, I really feel your pain and shock :comfort:.

Alison, great big hugs gorgeous girl, sending you all my love xoxoxox

Freya, big hugs for you too hun :hug: hope you're doing ok xoxox

Thanks girls xx
Went to the hospital as I wanted a anti d shot as I'm o neg blood group and ds2 was a positive baby. It's my 2nd m/c my last was a few months before concieving ds3.
I had bloods drawn they tried to do an u/s as they want to make sure everything has happened correctly but my bladder was empty so couldn't see anything. Still in shock keep having little breakdowns of crying well more sobbing as its hard to compose yourself having this all stored up. I didn't have much pain until afterwards felt like uterus was contracting abit. Yes it was a suprise but a much loved suprise. Life is cruel to give me something so wanted then to take it away again? Just not fair. Can't ttc ATM either have to get a few things on track before we could and I think that hurts just as bad too. Still suffering of symptoms was told it will take up to a couple of weeks to go. So that's a blow, so is going to the toilet ad just seeing blood. Just feeling another level of depression atm, my head and emotions are just bouncing everywhere. This week has been bad ds3 surgery (which thankfully went well) but was frightening abd stressful, now this I was hoping so much for my happy ending. Worst part is when people say oh that may of been a girl or maybe you can't carry girls (as I've m/c twice) just makes me angry and bottle myself up more.
Just sucks ive almost has the same amount of live births as m/c's, I don't know if other things will be added on my list of what weird about me they can't figure out again.

Ashie just go easy on yourself, have a little break and let your body and mind heal a little before trying again, it's so important I feel, it sux but you will get past the pain and sadness enough to carry on. I've had more miscarriages than live births, it is very hard to swallow but I am determined to get my 2nd baby and when I do I am going to be a very fulfilled mummy, I am content with my beautiful girl, but I long for another and I know Amelia would just love a little sister or brother. We will all get thereeventually - especially if we have each other for support xx

Freya how are you going?

Just existing Alison. I'm still in disbelief that this has even happened, I mean who has 7 miscarriages? It seems so surreal that we have come full circle and then some, over 2 years of ttc and 4 miscarriages and nothing to show for it. I'm waiting to fall apart; it's going to happen eventually but ATM I think I'm in survival mode trying to get through this with my sanity intact. Physically the bleeding is stop start, still got pain and it's worse when I am on my feet a lot which is pretty much all day with 3 small kids to look after. I'm feeling very disconnected, I wish I had someone IRL to talk to about it. Thank god for you girls!!!!

How are all of you doing? I'm sorry you have had to join us Smamfa :(

Freya I am still shaking my head in disbelief for you. I admire you 'existing' but then again what choice do any of us have.... Hug chick

Freya I totally understand wanting someone to talk too. Dh has been support but when talking about this you can see he isn't listening to the extent I want. So I get hesitant to talk.

Afm- waiting for the nurse to call me with my results, feeling nervous I am dreading high hcg as my last mc was very low hcg. I dunno really I still have morning sickness which is cruel abd wondering how much hcg levels would be to cause symptoms.

Hi Freya - I know it sucks big time, no one should have to suffer 1 miscarriage let alone several plus, urgh.

Hi Smamfa - how are you going sweets?

AFM - I'm doing ok, the bleeding is starting to subside a little and only the odd little pain here and there. I am still incredibly tired though, doesn't help that my 2.5 year old now seems to have a stomach bug, awesome, throw it all at me why don't you universe. She seems ok within herself but she had some diarrhea last night and vomited once this morning, a hoping she makes a miraculous recovery as I don't do sickness very well at the best of times let alone now. Groan.

Hi All,

Finding it hard to really put into words how I am feeling after I had a D&C for a MM/C at 12+3 last week. Bubs had passed at about 8 weeks they said.
Most horrible thing was seeing bubs on the screen with no heartbeat.
I have pretty much just tried to ignore it and move on.
Seems like thats easier said than done.

Its just hard to think that for 4 weeks I knew something felt wrong but I didn't go to the hospital to get checked out.

I am so sorry to read of your losses and it breaks my heart. :grouphug:

Deedles - so sorry to see you in here, I just had a D&C on Wednesday at 8+6 so I feel your pain, I can't imagine finding out so far down the track however, my heart goes out to you. All you can do is acknowledge the emotions, take the horrible ride and you will find some peace when you reach the other side, how long that takes is individual and sometimes you think you are getting better and then bam something reminds you and you're right back where you started. This thread is amazing for support so continue to pop in and vent away, we all totally understand how you are feeling so can at least try and help you get through it any way we can. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could all get together and have a real hug instead of an emoticon one xx

Freya - I'm sorry you have to have friend-dramas while all of this has been going on, it's the last thing you need. Hopefully the disconnected feeling will fade for you, for me I am feeling kinda lonely, which is crazy when there are small boys everywhere. It's early days hunny, give yourself time to recover.

Alison - Oh hun, we got our bfps a day apart, were due a day apart, lost our bubs a day apart, both at 8w6. Gosh, my heart breaks for us. I am doing ok, my bleeding is really really light now and I've not had any pain (I don't get cramps or anything like that, never have.) I did this silly thing the other day, I thought, I know some people ovulate really soon after a mc maybe I should keep an eye on that, so I did an opk - and of course :duh: it was crazy-dark, cos it was picking up on the hcg, which I guess will take a while to fall. I kinda just want to get on with it and try again (even though it will take a bit to get my head around), but maybe having to wait while my body gets itself sorted is for the best. I hope your little girl gets better soon - we've all been sick here too. Me included. Really, it was the worst week ever, I had 2 sick boys while having a mc, then got sick myself.

Deedles - so sorry you have to join us here. I am so sad for you at the thought of seeing your little bub on the screen - I was meant to go for my first visit with my Ob on Monday, but I cancelled cos my bleeding was getting heavier, and I just could. not. bear. to go and see my baby on the screen not moving. I'm so sorry.

Ashie - sorry you're in here too. My first mc (between my boys) was at 5w3days too. I had high hcg with this last preg, which just sucks in a way cos what can you count on? I guess nothing is a guarantee, the quote I like is that "pregnancy is not a promise, it's a hope." Which of course hurts like hell when that hope comes crashing down. I'm a neg blood group too, I had my anti-d when I was just spotting and everyone was still very hopeful and "goodluck with the pregnancy, it can be very common" etc, but I think I already knew that it was a worse-case scenario. I can't believe people have made that girls comment to you - really, what are people thinking??? I've now had 4 mc (a couple were chemical) and have 2 children. But if I get my 3rd bubba in the end everything will be worth it.

Hi Miss.B, how are you going hun?

I had my scan on Saturday to check if the mc was complete. No sign of anything any more, but she did say that my endometrium is still very thick, so I will have more bleeding to come? Strange because my bleeding is very light now and has tapered off a lot? Maybe it will start back up again in a while? I had this lovely lovely sonographer, although at the end she got me teary cos she said she wanted to see me back in again for another scan of a little bub next time. I so want that too!

Hugs everyone xx

Hi girls just just got my results after my mc Friday I got bloods done sat arvo and seems my hcg level was 2340! He said that was alot higher than expected. Specially since my period was due only a couple of days before the mc. Their is alot of blood in my uterus so seems I'll be bleeding for a while to come. Getting my thyroid levels tested jic too. My morning sickness will take a while to pass which is such a blow not enjoying it with not having our lil button. Just sad all over again as I said last mc my hcg was 14 so it was to be expected, but good numbers for someone who just missed af? Worst part waiting to be seen and many pg women sitting near me just kept busy on my phone trying to keep from loosing it. Honestly scared when we are ready to get pg again, I hate this empty feeling that's left.

Hi Ashie - wow they are high numbers, multiples or eptopic maybe? Sorry you are still suffering ms, the last time I checked my numbers was 2 weeks before the D&C and they were up in the 20,000's - but luckily my ms eased off straight after the D&C, relief I must say. Like you said you can barely handle it when it's for a reason but when it's not it's positively awful to deal with, mentally and physically. Isn't it ironic that whenever this happens you feel like everywhere you look there's women with pregnant bellies ho hum. We'll get there, it will be a hard road but we will get there. xx

Hi Smamfa - I'm glad your scan showed nothing....that sounds wrong but you know what I mean. I thought having a nice thick endometrium was a good sign? Maybe you will get AF sooner than you think. I got mine 3 weeks after my last D&C so will be interested to see what happens this time, my cycles are short hence my luteal phase defect so it's good to know my body is going back to what IT considers normal. Doesn't matter though as we won't be attempting any pregnancies now until we see the new clinic in July. My bleeding has tapered off a lot too so hoping it's nearing it's end, it's just a constant reminder isn't it. So what's your plan of action for the future? xx

Hope everyone else is well xx

I had an u/s all clear, I passed what I am certain was a sac Friday night (sorry for the tmi ladies!!!!) it was larger but also stretched out. I told doc in detail abd he said defently I was correct but no one can tell me why it looked so different to last time. I was literally the same amount of weeks and days as last time. It really sucks being told not much you can do with symptoms but to ride it out. And never got to indulge in my cheese toastie craving!!!

Ashie - glad your us was all-clear. I hope your symptoms ease soon and give you a break.

Alison - hey babe, I don't know, I have very sporadic bleeding atm - virtually nothing, then a few globs, then back to nothing? I guess this could go on for a while... Will it be hard to not attempt preg for you till July? I guess July is not very far away! My plan of action - is just keep going. We are not doing ivf, we established that before we even started trying. After all of that nothing nothing nothing I have been quite fertile recently - utd 3 times in the last 4 cycles, so I really really hope that continues and I can get pregnant again soon - although it may well do my head in. So does ivf increase your chances of getting a good eggie? (I don't know much about it sorry)? Or will you do something like pgd testing (or whatever it is called?) I wish you so much luck with all of it xx