To be completely honest I started using another baby forum a couple of weeks ago when I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant but I can?t bare to even log on and see my ticker after getting a very unwanted mothers day present.

I?ve just had my 3rd (known) miscarriage and I?m feeling pretty lost and angry and down right p*** off!

I know plenty of people have things a thousand times worse than that but at the moment I want my chance to rant and get things off my chest.

I honestly feel like we?re doomed for some reason, the past 5 years have just been a living hell.

I basically haven?t been on any contraceptive for the past 8 years, I have a DS, 7 and DD, 3 and in-between them I had 1 miscarriage of twins at 13wks. 18th months ago I had another m/c this time at 8wks, they also found a fibroid and in the end I decided to have an IUD because I couldn?t go through another m/c or wondering why it?s taking me years to even get a BFP.

A couple of months ago I had a huge bleed which was very clotted and didn?t really think anything of it until I started getting really tired (I?m normal a morning person and hate naps). Just after Easter I thought I might as well test myself to cross being pregnant off the list of what might be wrong, well to my utter shock I was pregnant.

After an ultra sound there were no signs of the IUD and I was 6wks pregnant. How I missed it coming out I do not know lol. Anyway long story short I started bleeding last week and after the hospital sending me home I expelled everything yesterday.

I feel as though because it wasn?t ?planned? I?m not allowed to be upset, so sick of the ?but you weren?t planning for one anyway? or my mum ?this is no time to be having a baby, it?s for the best?.

To make matters worse my sister in law is pregnant and even though she smokes and drinks and has had 4 abortions she?s having her 2nd kid with no complications at all! My other sister in law who is the same (smokes/drinks) came out with ?oh I wouldn?t mind having another kid? great just what you need, another kid to god only knows who as the father (I have no problem with single mums but I?m totally against screwing around just to get yourself knocked up). And my 3rd sister in law has 4 kids and never had a problem getting pregnant, also smokes and drinks.

Why the hell have I copped the raw deal? 8 Years TTC with 2 kids, both extremely stressful and complicated pregnancies and births and 3 known m/c.

I know, I know, be thankful for what I have but everything is just getting at me. In the last 5 years I?ve lost a lot of people in my life I?ve respected and loved dearly. We?ve moved to Brisbane where I know no one, not a single person, be living here for 2 years and not made a single friend. My husband was out of work for 6months after the ?dream job? shriveled up and died and today I get told he has 3weeks of work left, there goes TTC any time soon.

I know we weren?t planning on another child but now I can?t stop thinking about it, I was so excited even though 5 months earlier we sold all our baby stuff and would some how have to start again.

And even as I sit here writing this we get a sms from my father in law asking why we didn?t call my husbands mother for mother?s day? Hmmm is bad to reply with ?well I happened to have had another m/c and btw where?s the call for my birthday or my husbands, YOUR son, or how about our kids? Oh and thanks we?re still trying to explain to our 7yo why his cousins opened Christmas presents from you guys in front of them while our 2 kids got nothing?? These people drive me up the wall!!!

I do not get them, I never ever will. We?re married, we love each other, we have 2 beautiful children who are kind and warm hearted, we ask them for nothing and yet myself and my kids are treated like second class citizens.

I give up, I?m sorry for the over the top rant I just felt like hitting my head against the wall and needed to say something.

Ps there is probably a gazillion typos haven?t reread and it was on autofill in word, hope you understand what I wrote lol.