To be completely honest I started using another baby forum a couple of weeks ago when I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant but I can?t bare to even log on and see my ticker after getting a very unwanted mothers day present.
I?ve just had my 3rd (known) miscarriage and I?m feeling pretty lost and angry and down right p*** off!
I know plenty of people have things a thousand times worse than that but at the moment I want my chance to rant and get things off my chest.
I honestly feel like we?re doomed for some reason, the past 5 years have just been a living hell.
I basically haven?t been on any contraceptive for the past 8 years, I have a DS, 7 and DD, 3 and in-between them I had 1 miscarriage of twins at 13wks. 18th months ago I had another m/c this time at 8wks, they also found a fibroid and in the end I decided to have an IUD because I couldn?t go through another m/c or wondering why it?s taking me years to even get a BFP.
A couple of months ago I had a huge bleed which was very clotted and didn?t really think anything of it until I started getting really tired (I?m normal a morning person and hate naps). Just after Easter I thought I might as well test myself to cross being pregnant off the list of what might be wrong, well to my utter shock I was pregnant.
After an ultra sound there were no signs of the IUD and I was 6wks pregnant. How I missed it coming out I do not know lol. Anyway long story short I started bleeding last week and after the hospital sending me home I expelled everything yesterday.
I feel as though because it wasn?t ?planned? I?m not allowed to be upset, so sick of the ?but you weren?t planning for one anyway? or my mum ?this is no time to be having a baby, it?s for the best?.
To make matters worse my sister in law is pregnant and even though she smokes and drinks and has had 4 abortions she?s having her 2nd kid with no complications at all! My other sister in law who is the same (smokes/drinks) came out with ?oh I wouldn?t mind having another kid? great just what you need, another kid to god only knows who as the father (I have no problem with single mums but I?m totally against screwing around just to get yourself knocked up). And my 3rd sister in law has 4 kids and never had a problem getting pregnant, also smokes and drinks.
Why the hell have I copped the raw deal? 8 Years TTC with 2 kids, both extremely stressful and complicated pregnancies and births and 3 known m/c.
I know, I know, be thankful for what I have but everything is just getting at me. In the last 5 years I?ve lost a lot of people in my life I?ve respected and loved dearly. We?ve moved to Brisbane where I know no one, not a single person, be living here for 2 years and not made a single friend. My husband was out of work for 6months after the ?dream job? shriveled up and died and today I get told he has 3weeks of work left, there goes TTC any time soon.
I know we weren?t planning on another child but now I can?t stop thinking about it, I was so excited even though 5 months earlier we sold all our baby stuff and would some how have to start again.
And even as I sit here writing this we get a sms from my father in law asking why we didn?t call my husbands mother for mother?s day? Hmmm is bad to reply with ?well I happened to have had another m/c and btw where?s the call for my birthday or my husbands, YOUR son, or how about our kids? Oh and thanks we?re still trying to explain to our 7yo why his cousins opened Christmas presents from you guys in front of them while our 2 kids got nothing?? These people drive me up the wall!!!
I do not get them, I never ever will. We?re married, we love each other, we have 2 beautiful children who are kind and warm hearted, we ask them for nothing and yet myself and my kids are treated like second class citizens.
I give up, I?m sorry for the over the top rant I just felt like hitting my head against the wall and needed to say something.
Ps there is probably a gazillion typos haven?t reread and it was on autofill in word, hope you understand what I wrote lol.
you are right life can be so **** sometimes and their will always be people like your SIL's who will never have any idea of how much life can suck sometimes
I am very sorry to read about your 3rd m/c. Just because bubs wasnt planned doesnt make it any less loved or wanted, or easier to cope with lossing it either. I had my 1st m/c in January this year after a surprise pregnancy. My DH and I were both really shocked but the excitement quickly grew.
Your in laws seem like a total dissapointment. I guess there is some truth to "You can choose your friends but you cant choose your family". Dont take it to heart too much about not calling his mum for MD, they dont know what happened and you and DH are very emotional right now. Still doesnt give them an excuse for the other downfalls you mentioned.
Im glad you found Belly Belly and hope you decide to stick around. You will get HEAPS of support here, everyone is really friendly and understanding.
Welcome to BB, I wish you could have found us under different circumstances but we are glad to have you here.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Ubba is right, it doesn't matter that bubs wasn't planned - it will not be any less loved, wanted or any easier to deal with the loss.
There is no need to be sorry, it is good that you were able to express your feelings - better out than in I always say.
I think the less said about your ILs the better lol. They do not sound like the type of people I would want in my life either...
All the best for your future and I hope to see you around the threads
i am really sorry for your loss . and i am sorry that you haven't found the needed support from those near to you; it's times like this that you just need a good strong shoulder that understands to lean on.
hi tms,
welcome to bb, and so sorry it had to be this way. sending you lots of hugs hun, so sorry for your loss of your angel baby, like a previous poster said, even if it was a surprise, as soon as one finds themselves with child, it becomes a reality and dreams and ideas are formed, you are fully within your rights to grieve for your lost hope.
keep venting and ranting, its good for the soul to just let it all out sometimes.
there are alot of girls on here from qld, hopefully if you stick around you will meet some fantastic people and they even have real life get togethers from time to time.
thinking of you xx
I just feel very selfish for complaining when I know others have it worse, I'm the last one to ever ask for anything but today it all just came crashing down.
and to top it off I just got the invite to my SIL's baby shower...hmmm i might give it a miss
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My 3rd m/c long rant...sorry
. and i am sorry that you haven't found the needed support from those near to you; it's times like this that you just need a good strong shoulder that understands to lean on.
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