I?m feeling really distressed, upset and troubled at the moment about this.

My little one died at 11 weeks, 2 days ? just over 2 weeks ago now. We buried our baby in the garden in a beautiful white (cardboard) box. I?m happy to have had the opportunity to have done this as I know many mummies aren?t able to ? and my heart breaks for them??

I?m starting to feel very unsettled and upset about what will happen to my baby when we move. We?re not planning on moving any time soon (could be 5+ yrs), however, I can?t bear the thought of leaving my baby behind for someone to just dig up when they re-landscape or turn our backyard into a pool??!!!!

I just can?t leave my baby behind! It?s not like my baby is a cat or guinea-pig (although I?m going through grief at times that it?s been buried that way) ? (?It? ? I HATE calling my baby that ? but what do I call ?it????? Hubby?s not too ok with naming the baby??). Sorry, you can tell I?ve got a lot on my mind?

Anyway, trying to focus through tears here?..! I rang the SIDS bereavement hotline and a lady suggested that I could dig up the box and put it in a potplant. That way, wherever I live, I can take it with me. She did this when her father died overseas ? she brought back some of his ashes and put them in a pot with a plant. The only thing is ? I?m a little concerned (TMI warning) that the composition of everything could be a bit weird in a pot?? (not sure?.) It would need to be a big-ish pot ? and I?m not sure if that?s going to work in our current garden plan (sounds horrible, but I need to think of that, I suppose.).

Following this lady?s suggestion, I thought that perhaps I could leave our baby box in the ground for now, and when we come to leave, dig down and retrieve the ?area? where my baby would have been and put that soil in a smaller pot with a plant to take with me. [Even this worries me a tad ? how will I know exactly where my baby is? What happens if I leave some behind or can?t find it?]

Does anyone know how long things take to blend with the soil???? (sorry, not the nicest thing to think about right now?..).

I mentioned this to hubby and at first he seemed ok. But then I realised he thought I meant that I would just take some soil from the top of the ground ? not dig down. When I clarified this he thought the idea was morbid ? like digging up a coffin?. BUT I JUST CAN?T LEAVE MY BABY BEHIND! [Big fat "Whaa"]

And now that I?m thinking more about it?.if I do go with the potplant idea, what happens when you need to refresh the soil or transplant it????

I?m finding this so very difficult. Please, please, if anyone has any suggestions, I?d be really grateful right now as I?m just in turmoil about this??