I've had a horrible afternoon. Went out to my parents/sister's house so the kids could play and we could eat tea there as DH was going to be late at work. The kids have been feral - DS is just constantly whinging and has started biting. DD would be mostly good but then do something awful like bite her cousin or push her or hit her.
My mum told me I should look into putting the kids into occasional care so I can have some time out - I think she could see I was struggling. I was agreeing with her and then I started feeling angry - she is retired, dad is semi-retired, why can't they take them for me for a day???
DS went off the rails then and I almost lost it... Almost in tears trying to get his night nappy on... It feels like the pair of them are misbehaving on purpose because they know I am highly strung at the moment.
I drove home holding it together and then it all went pear shaped again. DS screamed for almost 40 minutes, DD wouldn't go to sleep... And I got a lovely message from someone who said that I don't have to be strong, it's ok to fall apart...
And all of a sudden I was sobbing.
And I'm all alone.
I called DH and blubbed into the phone so he's packing up and coming home... But I'm still alone. None of my friends that I ring and chat to have been through this. No one would quite get it.
The pain is just there. The questions. The emptiness.
Not ok.
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