I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post this so please move it if it needs to be.
**PLEASE don't be offended by anything I say in this post, this is my feeling on this particular situation and isn't the same for everyones situation**
I was talking with my brother last night who told me that his fiance had a miscarriage the night before.
Now, please don't get me wrong, I understand how horrible this experience is (from experience) but in thier situation I can't help but feel that it happened for a reason.
I understand they are upset and hurting and will and continue to show them the support and understanding they need to get through this but I can't help feeling this way. Yes - this is not all about me, it's about them I know.
I'm just finding it difficult to be supportive when I feel it was for the best.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can support them better, even though I feel this way about it??
Last edited by BrightSparkles; January 20th, 2010 at 06:24 PM.
: Delete details
God is the only one that can give life and the only one that can take life, but i can understand your POV.
All you can do is let them know that you are there for any support which they may need. Keep your thoughts to yourself (obviously) and just be the support person should they request it.
Mmm Yes I understand your point of view too..I also feel for your brother and sil as they would see the situation in a different light and probably can understandably only see their loss so just recognise their emotions with this and not yours...Thats what places like this are for, so you can maybe express your inner thoughts without hurting your family.
Do you mean that a higher power (God etc) decided that they weren't to be parents? Or that they live a lifestyle that would make miscarriage a higher probability(sp?)?
I guess you will never know, maybe this baby would have changed their lives, settled them down etc?
A miscarriage hurts no matter who you are, what your lifestyle is or whether it was planned or unplanned. Just be there for them.
xxx
I guess just remember not to share your feelings on the matter. To lose a child, no matter what your situation, can be so painful, so support her where you can. xo All the best.
I think the best way to support them is to let go of your judgements of them...
This is all your opinion - & that is subjective. I know when we have an opinion it seems right and just - but sometimes it helps to loosen that a little bit. They have their lives to live & they are doing that. Part of their life story is that they were having a baby & that baby died. That is a tragedy weather they are 30 with double income or just younguns with 1.
So, take out all the paraphenalia around this & that will allow you to see it for what it is. A mother and a father losing their child.
They need what anyone does when that happens. Compassion, time, food, flowers & loving arms.
Last edited by Inanna; January 11th, 2010 at 01:29 PM.
please don't take what i've said wrong. i know its devestating to lose a baby, and maybe I do need to stop being so subjective - as hard as it can be sometime. i will continue providing a shoulder etc and give them the time they need.
Thanks again everyone. xx
SIL had a miscarriage...
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