so tomorrow would have been my EDD with our baby which I lost in March

I feel numb atm, just really numb especially as I start to read all the BA from the ladies in my belly buddies group and while i'm so, so happy for all of them, I can't help to think it should of been me

I really thought I would be ok, but its getting harder for me to cope for some reason. We are TTC again, but a part of me is so very terrified of going thru that again for a 3rd time (the mc). I think its harder this time for me because of the way I mc at home and what I went thru (can't get into too many details as it makes me cry when I write it and ds is sitting here next to me).

Just not sure if what i'm feeling is normal, I have been irritable, cranky, tired, emotional, just can't get motivated to do anything. We are completing settlement of our new home on 25th this month, I know I should be really excited, but i feel like i just don't have the energy to be excited. What's the point? All I want to do is crawl into bed for the next 2 weeks and sleep.

My poor ds has been copping from me too, i have been so cranky at him for no good reason at all and that makes me feel like sh*t! I hate being like this

How long can I expect to feel like this? it wasn't like this with the 1st mc I had, sure I was upset, but not really grieving like this time.

Anyway, no need to reply. Just needed to get it out a little so i dont burst into tears infront of ds.

thanks for reading