This time 2 yrs ago my babies were alive.. I could see them, touch them, sing to them. They were doing well at this stage and I thought they were going to make it it.. This time 2 yrs ago my relationship with their dad was the strongest it had ever been. Among all the stress and worry of having 2 premmie babies, you could still feel the vast amount of love in our little family..

Here I am now and I don't have my babies and I don't have their dad. I am all alone feeling so empty and lost. Today has been 1 of those days where I just haven't been able to function. I was supposed to be at placement today but I just couldn't go.. Instead I have spent the day in bed sleeping, crying,sleeping, crying and wishing I never had to wake up.. It is so not fair, I miss my babies so much.. The emptyness in my heart is physically painful and I don't know how to stop it. I feel all alone and don't know what to do.. I don't want this life anymore it's too hard.