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Thread: We Lost Our Twins

  1. #19

    Join Date
    May 2008

    Default Thanks for the Wonderful support

    Wow..thanks again so much to all that have replied to my story. It really just makes it so much more real for me to talk about it to so any women that have been through miscarriage. It makes the short existence of our twins, so much more real.
    MeredithD, I can understand what you mean about it not feeling real that you were pregnant. I too feel like that and too only have the u/s to look at. One moment that stands in my mind is when we first found out about the twins and the OB said " Oh do you see that..that's two little heads", she was talking to my partner as at the time I couldn't see the screen. I remember seeing his face and he said "oh...OH". He was so happy, we both were. Though in a way, looking back, even after three weeks since the m/c, I can see that I never really let myself get too excited about it. I was still really concerned about miscarrying at that point, and also concerned about the complications of twin pregnancy. I am sad still. But life goes on around me and it is hard to not get swept up in it. Especially when those around you don't really understand and some who didn't even know you were pregnant. I so want to be pregnant again and I am really hoping by some cosmic miracle I can fall pregnant with twins again. My sister believes the twins will come back to me and that now wasn't their time, she is spiritual like that.
    At the moment we can't start trying until mid August as I have had a Rubella booster. Plus everyone keeps tellingus to wait, as our son has Autism and they think we should have a bigger gap between him and the next one. I'm not so sure. I think we will do what we feels right for us and no one else.
    When I am feeling especially sad and just want to think about the twins, I listen to the Celine Dion song called 'Fly'. I am not a Celine Dion fan, but when I came out of hosptial after losing them, I kept hearing this song over and over in my head. So that is their song. We are also going to organise a butterfly releasing ceremony. probably on their due date in late November.
    I wish this did not happen, but it did and I can't change it. But I will never forget

    Last edited by Leyza; May 20th, 2008 at 04:35 PM.

  2. #20

    Join Date
    Jul 2007


    Leyza - When I want to be close to my little angels I listen to Enya - China Roses and there are a few others songs on her albums , I have 2 since my first 2 m/c's, that makes me feel closer to them. I also bought my angels a baby bracelet. Something for me to touch. I wrote a little letter to them as well, letting them know how much they meant to me how I felt when they were with me and how I felt when they were taken away. I guess it was also so I would never forget the joy I had felt whilst they were with me. I was so scared of forgetting them, even tho you never do. When I had my first m/c, I had to have a Blood transfusion and not long after fell pg with my twins, then I found out that my Rubella immunity was no longer, which was a huge concern but then I had m/c them at 12weeks. I ended up having to have my Rubella booster. I lost my twins the month of Feb and found out I was expecting my DD1 the month of August. Which was quiet lucky as it was our first cycle that we were safe to concieve in since the booster. You and your DH need to do what is best for you, the decision to TTC again as soon as you can is completely upto you once you are in the clear and it is safe to do so after the rubella booster time frame. Unfortunately some people like to give you there opinions, and some have never experienced a loss so dont really understand the way you feel. For me I needed to TTC asap as I needed to feel like I was doing something otherwise I think the sadness would have eaten me up inside.
    Take Care sweety.

  3. #21

    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Leyza

    I read your post.... and sobbed. I lost my twins one on new years eve and the other on new years day. I was due on end July. I sat here tonight and pictured how huge my tummy would have been by now. I would have been induced around 1st July. Sometimes, like tonight, it just hurts like hell. But most days I m alright and although it might not seem like you will ever be 'alright' it does happen. Time is the only healer. Just take it one day at a time. It will occasionally sneak up on you, like it is for me tonight, but take a deep breath, tomorrow is another day.

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