Cindy how awful for you to have to deal with both these issues at the same time.

Whilst I am not one for antagonising situations I would simply send a message back to the wife and say that you are grieving for your lost child and that you do not have room to think about her needs at the moment and their help is not needed or wanted, then just leave it. If she responds ignore her. That way at least you have let her know how you feel and you can get on with starting the healing process.

I hope you feel better soon, I know how heartbreaking losing your precious baby is, I'm sending you all my warmest thoughts and wishes.