thread: What Friends!!!

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    Central Victoria

    Unhappy What Friends!!!

    On Friday we found out at our 9 week scan that our little one no longer had a heartbeat. I had a D&C on Saturday morning because my FS didn't suggest that I miscarry naturally.
    I thought I was doing ok, I feel fine physically and after crying all morning while waiting for the D&C I hadn't really cried much after it.
    Unfortunately some people that we had previously been close friends with thought this was the perfect opportunity to try and reconcile, and he rang my partner with an offer to talk about it (very patronising). This is a person my partner hadn't spoken to for at least 6 months for reasons I won't get in to here. Needless to say the support wasn't welcome and I contacted his wife and told her how this phone call had upset my partner. To which she sent a lengthy message saying that we have a problem and that all he was trying to do was help. HA!! So now I have to deal with the loss of my baby and the agro text messages from these former friends. I don't want to cry in front of my DD but it's so hard to hold it in. How can people turn a tragedy like this around to try and make themselves feel better? I don't want to have anything to do with them ever again. Who needs friends like that!!
    How do I convey to them how much more difficult they have made this for us...should I just cease to acknowledge them??
    Sorry about the rant....just feeling very lost at this time.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    In Bankworld with Barbara

    Cindy, firstly I just want to say sorry for the loss of your little one. I would just not bother with them at all, you don't need to be dealing with the past when you are both trying to grieve for the loss of your baby.

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Feb 2006
    South Eastern Suburbs, Vic

    Oh Cindy, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your bub. Try and push those people out of your mind, now is not the time to worry about them. It's a pity they don't understand that this isn't the best timing.
    If you need to process their bad timing at some stage, you'll have plenty of time later down the track.
    This your time to regroup as a family and focus on you, don't worry about anything else for now.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Dec 2006

    I am so sorry for your loss. Just take care of yourself and grieve for your little angel and don't worry about other is not the time. Some people just don't get it and I'm sorry you had to see that. Take care

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Oct 2007

    There's a right way and a wrong way to talk to grieving people. Obviously, this man didn't know the right way. Maybe there will be a reconciliation in the future, but they should have been very gentle and kind with you two, not condecending. Right now you have enough to deal with. Be very good to each other and my prayers are with you.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Jul 2007

    Cindy how awful for you to have to deal with both these issues at the same time.

    Whilst I am not one for antagonising situations I would simply send a message back to the wife and say that you are grieving for your lost child and that you do not have room to think about her needs at the moment and their help is not needed or wanted, then just leave it. If she responds ignore her. That way at least you have let her know how you feel and you can get on with starting the healing process.

    I hope you feel better soon, I know how heartbreaking losing your precious baby is, I'm sending you all my warmest thoughts and wishes.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    Central Victoria

    Thanks everyone for your replies.
    I felt very harrassed on Tuesday because she continued to txt message and ring me and I just got to the point where I sent her a message saying she needed to respect my decision not to talk to her at the moment and then I turned my phone off.
    I just want to get on with greiving for my precious angel and all she wanted to do was talk about how we had upset her.
    We are lucky that we have some real friends that care enough about us to give us space right now and be there for us when we are ready to talk.
    Everyone on BB has been such a great support to me through this and I thank you all.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    May 2007
    Out of my mind.... back in 10 mins.

    It is very hard to cope at times after a M/C and the last thing you need is someone like her in your life. SO GOOD ON YA!!!!!!!!!

    Take some time to look after yourself and family as they come first. Deal with that kind of crap later when you feel better and can give her as good as she gives you and in the mean time think of some real good comebacks (whammies) to knowc her socks off and put her in her place.

    I had something like this happen to me and this is what I did.

    Its alway her, her, her. No consideration for you at all

    Take care

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Sep 2006

    Cindy firstly I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious angel xxxx.... WOW what is it with people, after I lost my angel and waas recovering from surgery a supposed friend wanted to visit me with her son and go to the first I said ok but then I just couldn't go through with it -plus my scar (like a c-section) from my ectopic became infected... anyways I said to her that I couldn't do it and she cracked the S&&ts big time and told me that her son would be so dissapointed blah blah!!! Needless to say I never wrote back to her and she never did either .. then on my 30th birthday she rang out of blue (almost a year later) and I told her that I was pregnant and due the end of Aug and she told me off for being rude and not announcing my pregnancy to her earlier!!! So yeah What friends!!

    You need to concentrate on you and your DH and greive through this very very hard time babe... once again I am very sorry for your loss xxxx

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    Dunedin New zealand

    so sorry to hear of your loss, send you a big hug and we are all here for you.

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