If one more person says.....

[ammelouise]

If one more doctor, nurse, ultrasound tech, well meaning friend, family member or work colleague says

"Miscarriage is common......it happens all the time...."

I am going to either yell at them or break down and cry.

I know the statement is true but how is it comforting?
To me it is like saying "Get over it and harden up, this has happened to so many other people besides you"

I mean if someone loses their mother or farther you don't say as a form of condolence "People lose their parents all the time, it's very common!"

I do acknowledge that people find it hard to know what to say and are just trying to help.

I am currently waiting for a natural miscarriage to occur after it was found my baby was lost at a 12 week ultrasound. I feel like my life is on hold and I am finding it very difficult to heal when the baby is still physically with me.

[Lily Dust]

It really is an inapproriate thing for anyone to have to hear, it just isnt needed. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, it such sad news. It is good that you have found bellybelly but Im saddened that it is under such crappy times Be kind to yourself and now that we are all here to support you.

[Razzberry]

Its awful isn't it. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. When people say those things it doesn't help at all. I also hated the line - your young, you will have lots more babies - this killed me when people said this as i didn't want "other babies" at the time, I just wanted the baby I had lost

[maybebaby2012]

I'm so so sorry for your loss and people's insensitivity towards you. You are right, it's completely inappropriate in any other situation so goodness knows why people think it's ok to say to baby loss mamas.

[juniper76]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I love (sarcasm) that comment as much as the "nature did you a favour" comment (once we found out the chromosomal issues)... None of it is helpful when it tries to trivialise or dismiss your pain just so that they feel less uncomfortable.

I hope you do not have long to wait and that you can start to heal properly soon.

[myturn]

So so sorry love. Its not comforting at all, you are so right!! I'm also sick of hearing "it's not your fault". I know, that's not comforting either....

You don't want a curette?? I was glad to have it as it meant to could move on, the week with the baby inside when I knew it was a missed miscarriage (I was 8 weeks and it was 5wks 6 days) was Sooooooo hard. But of course there re lots of reasons both ways a d you need to do what works for you.

be kind to yourself. It is stressful and overwhelming so cry as much as you like xox

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I am so sorry for your loss. No one should ever have to hear those awful words, when it happens to us we don't care about others but our own baby.

The worst comment i got was from a nurse 5 minutes after being told those awful words "i'm sorry i cannot see anything.." she told me that i will have to "get back on the horse and try again" I didn't want to try again i wanted my baby to be still alive and inside of me

[ammelouise]

Thank you everyone for your kind words, it really does help to hear them from others who understand.
I also think every single medical professional is trained to say the 'it is for the best as the baby was likely to have had genetic problems'.
If my miscarriage has not happened naturally by Monday I will be booked in for a curette. I actually don't have a preference as to which way it happens, both sound bad. I am keen to have it over as soon as possible so I can start healing in every way.

[MLR1901]

Ammelouise, I get your frustration. Much the same as being told you have to have 3 m/c in order to warrant testing and match the statistics.
I really do hope I'm proven wrong (currently 11weeks pregnant) but golly gosh the obstectics and gynologocial associations of Australia's going to know my name! I think it should have more awareness and more research in this day and age surely!

Best if luck with however your fate turns out.
I personally chose a d&c to make it easier to process for me.

[Bluewrenee]

I'm so sorry for your loss it is devastating emotionally and I understand your frustration completely, I've lost count of the stupid things people have told me in the last 2 weeks im tired of hearing it..... 2 weeks since my d&c and it is getting easier or maybe I'm just expecting them to say it now makes them feel better for filling in the awkward silence??? I dunno I tune it out now....I hope everything goes ok for you and give them a mental slap!!!

[LuluHB]

I'm so sorry you've lost your precious baby. People make the most thoughtless comments. I understand they don't know what to say, and sometimes saying anything to acknowledge your lost baby is better than those that carry on as if nothing's happened at all, but those comments are just not helpful.

FWIW, I had a D&C after a missed m/c and I've had many natural m/cs and I do feel I healed better emotionally after the D&C, so please don't think of it as being a worse outcome should you not miscarry naturally.

Huge hugs to you and your OH. Be gentle on yourself.