Dusty- I just wanted to send you my best thoughts and wishes and to say I can understand your feelings. You have been through so much and to have that loss at the end is simply not fair. And the loss is certainly real and painful. And many people, as others here have said, don't know how to acknowledge that, they are scared of it, don't understand it, dont want to understand it because it's all too hard, or maybe they do want to understand but simply don't know/get how you feel. Miscarriage loss in our society still is not very recognised or discussed. That in itself is hurtful for those of us who have faced it.
I have found that not many people have acknowledged my losses in a way that I need. Fortunately I have had family support and a couple of friends I can talk it through with, some who do understand to a degree (although unless anyone has been in the exact shoes, each experience is so different of course). Like you, in this whole time, with our losses, I have received one card, from a most unexpected person, and it was so so lovely to receive that public acknowledgement of our loss and pain.
I also find, that perhaps initially people wonder how you are, but as time goes on, it's like that chapter is closed and done with, and that things have moved on. When in fact, for me, to an extent the grieving, the sadness, the anger continues. People dont seem to realise that, or again, it's easier not to go there, or they are scared of saying/asking the wrong thing, and so they say nothing.
I don't know if this helps, but I just wanted you to know I understand, and that I think there are many complex reasons why people don't give the support we need.
I am so far from handling it all in the way I would like, that I won't even attempt to tell you how to cope. I think one day at a time, processing/understanding things gradually, until more inner peace comes again. That's what I am currently doing. For me I have WAY too much anger still, at many aspects of it all. I need to let that go bit by bit.
You are an amazing woman with so much wisdom and insight. Don't forget, it's OK to struggle with some things, and don't beat yourself up for the way you feel at all.
Thinking of you
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, remember that I am hear to talk to, to meet up and just go shopping, or take a walk, or whatever you need, just call me or sms me. I know I could use a friend who understands me at the moment! And if you think you're not coping on your own, I have the details of counsellor who specialises in pg loss and infertility, and she's very close to your house as well. Just let me know. And I have some pg loss books that might help you as well. They have helped me lots!
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