There's nothing worse than the questions, and having to tell and re-tell your story over and over again. This is true with any painful experience. I find the best way to avoid re-living something painful again and again is to make up a quick standard answer I use on everyone. For example: When anybody asked about DSs birth, I'd simply say "It was a difficult experience but we overcame it together." That was the response for strangers anyway.
Perhaps you could do something similar? eg "She's 3 and a half months old, actually. She came very early and we're lucky to have her here." That should shut them up pretty quick and turn judgement to support.
Remember though, usually people aren't trying to make you feel bad. Most of the time it's accidental. Although why someone would ask if she's ok is beyond me. I personally would never comment on a baby's health or appearance unless I was invited to by the mother starting the conversation herself. Actually, thank you for bringing this up, because I tend to say things like 'Oh, so sweet and tiny' when I see what appears to be a newborn. I should be more mindful and perhaps say 'What a beautiful little one' instead of using words like tiny or teeny.................... to the mum of a prem that could be upsetting. Note to self!
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