Completly understand. I absolutely lost it on day 5 when they still hadn't let me give Milla a bath, even though I had been able to bathe her sister. I was a crying hysterical mess. I realise now that it was because her temperature wasn't stable, but at the time I felt like I had no control over my baby. I felt very detatched almost. I would drive to see them and really, I could of been driving to see anyones baby. I was desperate to get home to DH and DS (they were at home over an hour away). I didn't even really know what the girls looked like becasue of the tape on their faces.
I am getting tears now just thinking about it because I can't ever imagine feeling that way now - they are the light of my life (along with their brother) but during our hospital stay, I was so frustrated and unsure of my surroundings. I had some fabulous young nurses that were willing to show me how things worked, and got me to fill in all the charts and reattach their cords etc, but other nurses made it very hard on us (or so I felt at the time). I should add that I felt similar to Charlotte91, when we moved to our hospital closer to home and the feeding tubes came out and their temperature regulated better, I felt more like they were 'mine'.
The best thing to do is don't hold it all in. I never really told anyone how I felt while the girls were in SC, and how much it affected me. I probably didn't really realise myself until I watched an eposide of Offspring a few months ago, and it showed a baby in the SC nursery, and I started crying and couldn't stop. Have you asked if there is anyone at the hospital that you are able to talk to? If not, talk to us! As these posts show, you are not alone in the way you feel.
Big hugs and fingers crossed your baby is home with you soon xx
Thanks everyone. It's great to hear I'm not alone in my feelings (not that I'd wish these feeling or experience on anyone). I'll be honest in that I'm not really talking to anyone about my feelings. I've said little things to others, but no one really understands like you guys do. I don't even feel like DH really understands how I'm feeling. I think I don't like talking to others too much as I feel like all they want to know is when she's coming home so they can hold her. Well, they probably don't mean it to sound like that but that's the way it feels. Also, I hate being asked by family how she's doing all the time. I know they mean well, but there's not always anything significant to say....
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