Oh hun, it is very normal to be feeling the way you do please don't feel you're a bad mother because of it... You are NOT!! I know it is in some ways harder to have a little one at home already because your attention and thoughts can be drawn to her needs when you're home but then sometimes you'll catch yourself doing that and think you should be thinking of the baby more and feel guilty. It's really a no win situation I suppose. Just be there and love your baby when you can and know that as she gets bigger and stronger those times will increase and before you know it you'll look back and say to yourself wow was that really 5 years ago we went through all that!? (my dd1 turns 5 in about a month and its incredible to think how lifes moved on in that time).
On a practical note do you have PHI? When dd1 was able to transfer from top nicu care she was able to tranfer hospitals to where she wouldve been born and I could be admitted there also (as a boarder I think) and so I was able to be with her full time for all feeds changes baths etc just like I wouldve been if we were at home. Of course it meant someone had to look after ds1 all the time but I was blessed to have mil, mum and a sister to share the care of him while sh was working. Course I was prone to feeling guilty about this too but in reality getting dd1 strong and fully BFing became my priority, at least until she was home then it was more 'normal'.
I hope she's able to head home really soon so you will stress less and be able to 'fully' enjoy and get to know your little girl. :hugs:
*massive hugs* Having a baby in SCN is really hard. I haven't had one personally, but I have worked in SCN a fair bit and have had similar conversations with other mummies who feel the same way. I hope she is home soon.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks