Emotionally draining is a understatement. I don't think anyone could of prepared me for this NICU experience.
My darling boy Jett arrived unexpectingly on Saturday 3/7/2010- due to in medical terms a 'placenta eruption' @ 33weeks + 5 days resorting in an emergency c/section.
He was straight away taken away from me I didnt even get to see his beautiful little face, i didnt even get to hear that first cry, all because those experiences became overshadowed by worry and other concerns. I felt Traumatized, Shocked, Guilty, Powerless and just longed to be with my baby- He was taken and put in a incubator, I wasnt able to go see him till the next morning. I was completely overwhelmed by the sight of this tiny little thing in an incubator. He had so many tubes coming out of him that I could barely see him, he was on a ventilator to help him breathe. I remember being wheeled in there by my mum and telling him sorry! sorry! sorry! I was sorry i had failed him, i didnt nuture him the way a mum was supposed to, i let the stress of his father get the better of me and now this poor little baby is the only one suffering. The closest thing to my baby was a quick hands over cuddle in his incubator, i couldnt pick him up and promise him everything was going to be ok!

sadly my milk hadnt come in yet, so i was unable to breastfeed- luckily thanks to some beautiful mummas out there my beautiful son was able to have a feed thanks to the mummys milk bank. My milk has only arrived today, not a whole lot but im trying. Trying anything i can to do something right for my baby. Although i am unable to pysically hold him and feed him i am content knowing he is feeding and progressing through a tube.

I dont really know why i wrote this i guess i just needed a place to write my feelings. I wont be writing a birth story simply because i feel it will bring back tramatic thoughts, i would rather try forget at this time being. Maybe when i am content and finished our NICU journey i will come back and recap what i went through giving birth to my beautiful son Jett Axel Storm

ETA: Im sorry if this is all over the joint, im tired and emotional.