Thanks, Beema. I have found that in many ways, being able to celebrate Sam's first birthday the way I wanted has helped me heal. Not fully, but a little bit. When I take a step back and remind myself that there was three years of waiting and longing before Sam turned up... after IVF and all the miscarriages I spent my entire pregnancy terrified I would wake up and it would all be a dream or that someone would take it all away. And then, when he was born, they did take him away. I think I got to hold him for less than a minute before he and DH were whisked away and then it just felt like I'd been forgotten... As much as you know in your head that things had to happen that way because Sam was premmie, it still doesn't change the fact that it was upsetting and horrible.

I can only imagine how much worse it must be for mothers of babies born even earlier.

Anyway, nasty headache so I'm going to grab my medications and head to bed and hope to sleep it off.

BW