I had planned to be in bed right now...

I just grabbed a glass of water and my medications and popped into the study to cruise facebook briefly before bed.

Now I find myself a crying, sobbing mess.

A friend from church gave birth to her baby today. About 3 and a half weeks early... I know I've heard of babies being born at that stage having no prematurity issues at all, but this little girl as only 2.2kg - smaller than Sam. I have no idea of just how things are going beyond "she is doing very well" and don't really know whether that means very well for a prem, or just very well full stop.

But I'm finding it's bringing back all sorts of memories and I'm in tears for remembering our time in SCN...

And most especially remembering that our time in SCN was made longer and scarier than it should have been because of that too-short NG tube and the fact that it was over Christmas and the paeds didn't want to come in very often.

I'm also finding it difficult to cope with the fact that I'm fairly certain my friend will be able to establish breastfeeding... and that makes me feel like more of a failure because we couldn't.

Strangely enough, if I hear of babies born even more premature than Sam I don't have anywhere near this sort of reaction.

I guess it's just all a bit close to home.

Am I normal for responding in this way? I feel a bit mean and cruel and completely insensitive that I just can't get excited about the new arrival and I'm just a crying mess thinking of our own dramas.

BW