Now that I have more time - the memories that stand out to me the most...

Being wheeled into SCN to see Sam for the first time after birth - and being encouraged to put my hand through the window of the humidicrib to touch his foot. But I was still too weak to stay long, even in a wheelchair so left pretty quickly.

The second time I was able to visit SCN, again in a wheelchair (I have no idea why birth knocked me about so much - I only had gas, no epidural, it was relatively short but I was still barely able to walk 24 hours later), to find Sam out of the humidicrib and swathed in blankets with a singlet on his head as a makeshift hat... and getting scowled at by the nurse for reaching to touch him. Asking if it was ok if I picked him up and being told no.

The next morning when we were finally included in caring for him and were taught how to change nappies and give bottles. And I loved the nurses that would let me hold the syringe when he had tube feeds!

The one time we were actually able to get Sam to attach to the breast and suck properly - for all of a minute.

The time I was woken in the dead of night by the phone call telling me it was time to come into the nursery for a feed and walking in to be told as though it was no more important than the weather outside that my baby had stopped breathing and had turned a funny colour. This happened another three more times until we finally figured out that it was because his NG tube was too short. But it was a very scary couple of days.

The heart-wrenching crying babies were given heal-***** tests or new NG tubes...

And finally being so flustered and excited when we finally got to take him home that I left important stuff behind - like his bottle (and the formula they gave us to get us through the rest of the day while we bustled about trying to get our last few things sorted) and his blue book and needing to make three trips back to the hospital after we left to finally have everything!

BW