Oh you poor thing. I imagine that you found the hospital visit quite overwhelming by the sounds of things, and I think that considering everything you have been through, that's totally understandable! Don't be too hard on yourself; it sounds like a very difficult situation. Remember this was the first time that you've had to be in this situation since your loss, so it is probably going to be worse than any subsequent times.....that's probably why you found it so confronting.

I know that it feels so unfair, but just believe in yourself.....there's a little miracle just waiting for you around the corner.

Thinking of you......