I feel a bit like my heart is torn in two right now.

Today is the second anniversary of my third angel baby, but I still remember the pain as though it were yesterday.

I feel sad... but at the same time I almost feel guilty for feeling sad as if that baby had been able to stay we wouldn't have Sam, and how can I wish Sam away?

I didn't keep track of due dates - too much pain from earlier losses. It really only hits me on anniversaries, and it just sucks that this anniversary is so hard to forget - being sandwiched between my mother's birthday and Australia Day (kind of explains why I always forget mum's birthday now, shame Australia Day isn't as easy to ignore).

I guess I also feel guilty as in all the flurry of arriving home with our premmie bub and trying to organise moving house, I completely forgot this angel's last anniversary.

So, I'm sorry, little angel - you are not forgotten.

But I also feel so strange as wishing it hadn't happened is wishing Sam away and he has brought so much joy to our lives.

BW