I wrote a huge post yesterday and lost it

Ferrals my DD has had a range of diagnosis over the years ranging from ADD, ADHD and DD (developmentally delayed) I've been against any pharmacutical treatment but I think we might have to give it a go. Have a specialist appointment on the 21st of this month. She see's a counsellor but thats not going well. She lies through her teeth to the lady and last time told her how DH and I fight so much and she is really scared of what is going to happen to me and her. Thing is DH and I rarely fight and the few times we have there is definately no way she heard and DH is not violent or agressive what so ever. We don't raise our voices. She's told a number of other porky pies also. Says she wants to go stay with her Dad but here she flatly refuses to go and almost always comes home crying when she goes there and says she is never going again. Now she is threatening suicide if she doesn't get her own way. This has been going on about a week where she says I wont have to worry about her anymore as she will be dead and it will be over something stupid like me asking her to brush her hair or teeth. Its a big worry. I don't even like mentioning it as things are very bad. Thank God for my parents as they have been really great about it. DH parents on the other hand blame it on us. They have no understanding what so ever that sometimes things are outside your control. Like when there Son in Law was really depressed they told him to snap out of it. Anyway hopefully this new Dr can help as I'm at my wits end and I find myself praying everyday she hurries up and grows up. Its really sad as there is little enjoyment in been her mother anymore between the suicide threats and dodging flying objects. Its a very lonely road as I can't say I know anyone going through the same or similar thing with a child of her age. I've certainly heard of others but they are all very disfunctional (like into drugs and that sort of thing) DD has been this way right from the start but its gotton worse and worse the older she has gotton. I think other then mood stabilisers I've tried everything (from parenting courses, behavioural therapy, family therapy, councelling, to just ignoring daily activities like not showering, brushing teeth and nothing works) I'm just glad I have school to have a little break from it during the day but problem is the school rings 2-3times a week to come and get her. She isn't a dump child. There doesn't look like there is anything wrong with her and she is about average at school (in a tuitor english group but advanced in Maths) but its her lack of ability to control her emotions. She is laughing hysterically in one second to bawling her eyes out and throwing objects the next. I'm confident she will eventually be diagnosed with bipolar but right now there is no way I'll allow them to put a label on her although I know there is something bad going on inside her head and what ever it is she was born this way so please don't shoot me down. Thats why I don't talk about it as I'm sick of well wishes giving me that bad parenting line like its something I have done to create her like this. My parents went through something similar with my brothers which is why they are so good with DD. The thing is with them they got better with age where as DD just gets worse.

Ferrals we have been using the withdrawal method also. Its a little risky although when I was doing middy it was said to be the most common and very effective way of birth control but why its such a high failure rate is its not successful in men inexperienced in the bedroom so basically it ruled out alot of men. It said it all came down to the man knowing when to pull out. That along with me not cycling at the moment with the BF I know we are safe but I've told DH its not a forever solution unless he is prepared from an oopsie. Part of me would love an oppsie that would take all the stress out of ttc but with DD1 I think its a bad idea. I told DH I want him to go get the snip and its because whilst ever he doesn't I hold hope of having another baby and atleast if he did I can deal with it and get along with enjoying my babies without holding hope I am going to be doing it all again one day. I told him I can't have anything done to myself (like my remaining tube tied) as if it was my choice I wouldn't be making it final for me but if he doesn't want more then he should have it done so we can move on and enjoy what we have. DH doesn't want to be an old Dad so having another in 5-10yrs isn't an option.