I am having the most crap day. Axel WILL NOT SETTLE DOWN. Unless I'm holding him and even then half the time he just screams anyway. I can't give him a bottle without him carrying on and taking almost an hour to feed because of the way he screams and pulls off the teat. Forget about playtime, he isn't interested. Forget about me even having anything to eat............. I think he'd spontaneously combust if I did anything for myself. I'm still in PJ's, have a blasting headache and am just feeling completely overwhelmed today.
Why did I get the baby that screams non-stop? Why does everything have to be so difficult? Where's that smiling baby you see on the nappy ads, seriously?! Do they even exist?? I feel like the worst mother in the world. I can't get anything right. Nothing works, and I feel like I just want to run screaming into the night and never come back. To make matters worse, DP has no patience for the crying anymore. He gives up after a few minutes and just leaves him to scream. I get so guilty about it I end up shouldering the entire burden and it's wearing me down. DP says things like "Babies ruin your life... why do women want babies when this is what they're like? I don't want any more kids, I don't even want the one we've got." I know this stuff is coming from a place of frustration............... but it just makes me cringe. I feel like I have to soldier on and do everything for fear of DP having a rough time of it.
I know that's not realistic, and that I need his help, but when he gives up so easily I feel like I need to take over again, it just goes on and on. Anyway, that's my little pity party for the day, Axel is screaming (of course) in his bassinette so I'd better go and bang my head against the same old brick wall for another few hours.
PS. I feel guilty as hell for even feeling this way. So many women would kill to have their babies here with them, and here I am saying I can't handle the crying. I don't deserve to even hold the title of mother some days.
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