Ferrals what a scare you must have had. Did you grab her in the dark or did you turn the lights on? If you had the lights on if she was not breathing then you would notice a colour change by the time you got her out. I'd say she was doing very very shallow breaths that were not picked up on the monitor maybe not! Thank God for monitors anyway. I sleep without the worry I'll wake to J been taken from us especially when she is having respiratory problems with the coughing, pneumonia etc. I've always been paranoid of SIDS but even more so now. I'll be relieve when she is older and I dont have to worry about that although then there are other things to worry about like drowning etc.

Forshelby your been very hard on yourself. Axel sounds very challenging. As I read that thats an understatement. His screaming sounds like a nightmare. My SIL is goiong through the same thing with her bub and I think J been good feels like a slap in the face to her. I wish he was an easy baby for you. Have you spoken to your MCN about it? Maybe they have some suggestions that would help settle him. Some of those day time sleep schools sound good. The ones they run through the child health clinic. That way they can see what bub does and know if its normal baby behaviour just a difficult bub or else might be from reflux or something that can be treated. A friend of mine went to hell and back with her bub and she was diagnosed with a silent reflux or something like that and once her formula was change she was a different bub. Hope things ease up for you soon. Does Axel sleep well for your overnight? Things will get better. You have had such a hard time after Axels birth. Thinking of you.

J has now been on ab's for 5days and their has been the slightest of improvement. She is still wheezing but the crackling has eased so the pnumonia must be improving to a degree. The coughing is about the same but the power spews are easing! Night time ios a struggle as she coughs and wakes herself now so I am up and down all night with her on the boob. SHE just wants to comfort suck which is fine but OMG my boob are flat pancakes. They have been sucked to death.

BW hope your script arrives on time. Are you finding the weather flares up your arthritis?

Kit I would love a yes or no answer. I'm struggling a little with the whole is J my last or not. I wish I have a definate answer as everytime DH mentions having another I am hopefully which I shouldn't be as there is more change of not having another. I think deep down we wont have another and I can accept that and move on now I just dont want to be in limbo land and grieve for the 4th bub I never had and should have years from now when I could get it over and done with now and move forward. But never mind. I am super happy and counting my blessings just sometimes when I am been greedy it gets me down a little.