Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ December 09

[LisaL]

Im away from BB for a few days and we have a BA!! Congratulations Spring on the safe arrival of Benjamin - its wonderful news!!

Kelly - BOL with OB appt today sweets

And welcome back Mako

BBL got lots going on around here atm..

Lis xx

[kellym]

Thanks so much for all the good wishes for my appointment today.. I knew I'd be nervous but I thought I was doing a bit better than I seem too... I crapping myself!!!! I feel physically sick and am dreading having to wait until 3.45pm!! I dropped DH at work today, so I'm going to swing past his work and get him for the appointment. I just hate this damn waiting game and all my losses have been missed m/c, so no sign at all.. just have to wait for that ultrasound image!! I'm still worried it's gonig to be too early and with DS and my angels, I've always measured a week or two LESS than I thought.. so that's enought to stress me out even more. I'm praying this time, for some miraculous reason, my ob turns around and says, yep.. all good, actually you're measuring 7w 2days... instead of the 7w 0 days I think I SHOULD be!! That would just be way too good to be true but I'll keep dreaming and positive thinking!! DH is super, ultra positive and it's scaring me!! I love that he's being so positive but I just don't want him to get disappointed again. At least the migraine that I had over the weekend has started improving.. just a very dull headache now. Proably all my stress and worry.. and this baby stuff is supposed to be so natural... pft!

So.. I've already droped DH at work, done the food shopping and started cleaning the house.. can you tell I'm trying to keep busy - LOL!! I'm trying to remain really positive, my boobs were still sore last night and they've definitely grown, so I'm hanging onto that and telling myself it's all going to be ok.

Mako - thank you in particular for being so supportive.. I know all too well how difficult it is for you right now and I wish there was more I could do/say. Good luck getting everything done today.. there's nothing worse and I'm thinking of you. We're all here for you, so please 'use' us!!

Lisa - Hope you're taking it easy young lady.. you sound super busy!

Janie - Where are you????? I think you were heading away.. might send you a message and see when you're back.. would love to catch up before I go back to Perth on Saturday.

Jayne - I'd love to catch up while we back in Perth.. we're there from 9th to 24th Jan.. so let me know when you're free. We've got a fair bit on but surely we can squeeze in a coffee!!

Yep.. only 5 more sleeps until we're back in Perth and I can give my Mum a big hug. I can't wait. I think luke's getting excited now too.. probably because I keep reminding him about the big aeroplane.. and all the people he's going to see!!

OK.. enough from me.. I'm procrastinating now.. must get back to the cleaning and will definitely pop back in after my appt this avo.. hopefully with some good news!! I'm trying to be positive but it's really hard!

Kel xxxx

[Freya]

Mako.

Jayne - not a worry lovely, sorry we couldnt wing a meetup. Things were hectic the entire time we were there; we had no transport and we were sick for about 10 of the 17 days we were there. Then MIL ended up in hospital with bronchitis she couldnt shake 4 days before we left. Im soooooooo glad to be home I tell you.

Feeling very bad, so Im avoiding posting too much otherwise itll turn into a mega vent and I wont bore you all with my silly issues. So Im lurking and reading to keep up.............

Oh and Kelly, good luck today!

[Bun]

kelly - big sweetie, the waiting game is excruciating. My m/c are always missed m/cs too, so I know hard it is to have faith that all is ok. But you have pg symptoms so, as impossible as I know this is, try to be positive! Will be thinking of you today and I will check in later to see how you went.

mako - to you too sweetie. Sounds like today is going to be a hard day. I have been thinking of you.

Spring - I hope you are enjoying this time with your new little man. Can't wait to hear all about it!

Jayne - that's so cute, your girls being too knackered and busy playing with barbies to want to go out! Poor little things have had way too much fun by the sounds of it!

Lee - how are you going?

Bek - I can imagine feeling sad about having no more babies, even if you are sure that is what you want. It is such a big part of our lives. I know that I only want one more and already I can tell that I will be feeling sad about no more after having that one too!

BW - glad to hear Sam's party went well, and woohoo on walking!!

I am still plodding along, getting very fed up with this pregnancy. I get constant BHs every evening and night and they are really starting to hurt and interrupt my sleep. I had an OB appointment the other day and all is looking well, bubs is well down and looking like a big 'un. My OB seems so relaxed and doesn't even want to see me for 2 more weeks when at around this stage with DD my BP started going up and I was hospitalised. I know maybe I should feel happy about having a relaxed OB this time, esp since I don't want to be induced early again, but part of me feels like I really should be having more frequent appointments now? Aren't they supposed to be weekly, esp with a history of high BP at the end? I am going to pop in for a BP check this week and I guess if all is still ok I will just wait for my next appointment the week after. I am feeling really emotional at the moment, and totally disorganised. We have enrolled DD in holiday daycare 2 days a week for this week and next week to give me a bit of a break since we have no support here and so I can get organised, but my poor little girl cried and wailed out for Mummy when I left her this morning and it broke my heart! I have just phoned and they said she is fine now but I still feel terrible and totally unmotivated to do all the jobs I had planned for today. I love her so much and get such bad mummy guilt some days. Argh, I am probably just being an overly emotional pg woman but all I want to do is cry right now!

[Willow]

Mako - Thinking of you every day babe...

Kelly - Hope you're appt went well, look forward to hearing all about it

Freya - Why you feeling bad? Spill! I'll vent if you vent...

Bun - Hang in there hun, I know all too well how you're feeling. I was soooo over it by the end of D's pregnancy (and I was 2 weeks over which didn't help! LOL)

Well it was my big girls 5th bday today She's so grown up. I made her a cake (and there were actual tears this year, man I get so stressed trying to make the 'perfect' cake every year Pathetic...) Didn't turn out as well as I'd planned but she was happy. I took her to see the Frog Princess this afternoon and she loved it but cried at the sad part (she's been crying at sad movies since she was 18 months old and she watched Dumbo for the first time, no joke. She has a good heart that little girl...) and got a bit scared at the scary parts (and it is a bit scary for little kids in some parts). She lurrrrrved the Barbie bike we got for her and has been riding it all day.

Once again the IL's put a damper on my day but I don't want to go into it and waste any more energy on it.

[kellym]

Hello. Just a very quick selfish one from me to let you know how we went today.

Firstly, I'm SOOOOO happy with the OB, she's amazing! As for the appointment and as I expected, it's too early to know anything yet. Bub was there and heartbeat was a very good 116bpm or something like that.. nice and strong anyway. But as always, it measured smaller than I'd like. Thought I was 7w today but bub only measured 6w 1d. Always the way for me, so not surprising and given my past the OB wasn't too concerned. Have to have another scan in 10 days and will know more then.. so I've just sorted out all the appointments for Perth!! So.. I have another crazy and horrible 10 days ahead but at least then she's confident we'll know for sure.

Thanks for all the well wishes and will try and pop back later to catch up!

Kel xxx

[BekZ]

Freya, Willow, Kell, Bun

[Freya]

Errrrrrrrr you really dont want me to get started W, I wont stop lol

Just freakin out about uni, still no childcare organised, worried about making $$$ stretch, army is stuffing us around with a new house so we can move back in together, Im still up-in-the-air about whether he is going to stick to the changes we've made as a couple or just slip back into old ways...............Stellan has decided sleep is for the weak in a big way so now Im either up til 1am begging him to sleep or Ry comes and put him down with alot of crying and patting. I can envision severe difficulties when its time to leave him with someone for two whole days a week Makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it. Im physically and mentally exhausted.

[Willow]

Oh Freya.... I know you can't see it now but I have every confidence that it will all work out. Might take a while for you all to find your new rhythm, but you'll get there.

Just remember how important this is to you and that you deserve a bit of something for yourself babe

With Stellan - if he settles for DH (albeit with crying) then I would stick with that. We did that for a while with L if he'd wake up at night. If I went in to him he'd carry on for 30 mins, if DH went in he'd be back asleep with no fuss in 5 mins . I know other people who've had success with it too. I know it's really hard with DH not actually living with you guys, but maybe he could stay overnight for a week or so and see if that's enough to change Stell's sleep patterns?

[rach2281]

Hey girls,

sorry ive been MIA the last wk. DH home, and Love him being here but can't wait for work to start back up.
Had a pretty crap wk. First my milk supply really dropped, so i was giving evangeline formula, whilst trying to build up my supply. Seemed to work, and has actually made her nice and chubby.

So then we also moved Evangeline's cot into our room, she is to much of a wiggle worm for bassinette now. Anyway, all was going good, till sunday morning at 5am, her alarm went off I think my heart stopped. She was ok, just in a really deep sleep. I shook her, then the poor girl started balling her eyes out, which made me feel even worse. Haven't been sleeping much now. But on the plus side, she really loves her cot. Ive put Lilli's mobile above it, which Evangeline really adores. She talks to it and giggles non stop

Freya -

Kellym - Glad to hear OB was good, also glad bub's heartbeat was nice and strong

Willow - Happy Birthday for DD 5th birthday. lol, does she have the great attidude that seems to come will 5yr olds?? Cause mine surely does!!!!

Mako - glad your home hun, i sooooo need to give you the biggest bear hug

A big to everyone else, sorry its a bit short, been called for boobie

[Lee]

Rach - hugs hon, Flynn's alarm went off the other night too, and I'm still shacken by it, he was in a deep sleep too - after you have found your child not breathing, it's so normal to be like this, but I hate it. His little alarm is worth it's weight in gold.

Bun - Can I suggest you don't take on the casual-ness of your Ob. I went to the Ob at 36 weeks and my BP was fine then - but I also have a history of BP going through the roof in the final weeks. My Ob also said "see you in 2 weeks" - and I thought, no way, thats too long. So I started using hubby's BP monitor at home, and 2 days later sure enough, the BP went right up - 180/100. Called the OB who said come see him but that home BP monitors were unreliable. Went and saw him and he got the same reading - so into hossie forf induction next day, 36 weeks! End of story, so I have learnt to not take doctors as gospel!! Hang in there.

Got to go, I have a mobile hairdresser just arrived, ah life with 2 babies, can't leave the house for a haircut at the moment!!!

Lee xo

[Willow]

I have a mobile hairdresser just arrived, ah life with 2 babies, can't leave the house for a haircut at the moment!!!

What a great idea Lee!! Why didn't I think of that?! LOL

Enjoy!!

Rach -

[Willow]

F*&^%$#!

It's ovarian cancer. Or at least it was. It's spread to her liver, bowel, pancreas and a heap of other stuff I can't remember right now. I haven't spoken to my mum yet but my sister just called and that's all she knows.

Not only is this extremely sad, but it scares me in the pit of my stomach given my history. I know how self centered that sounds but I can't help it.

[Michelle71]

Willow - I am so sorry Ovarian cancer is a silent killer in many ways and is often not detected until late as in the case of your Nan (not that it will make you feel any better ) You are aware of it as a possibility now and can get regularly checked for peace of mind. It doesn't sound self centred with your history, and you have babies you will worry about too

As for your Nan - I hope she has someone who will make her comfortable and pain free Let me know if I can help at all.

[Willow]

Ovarian cancer is a silent killer in many ways and is often not detected until late as in the case of your Nan

Michelle - I know, that's why it scares me so much. And you know what? I knew this is what they were going to say... I remember being so terrified when they were testing me for it that I googled my brains out and I still remember all of the symptoms...my mum has been saying for two weeks she's not eating because she gets nauseous and indigestion...a light bulb went off when she told me that

[BekZ]

Rach - What an aweful fright. I remember this happening with DD2 a couple of times. I seriously was on a knifes edge afterwards.

Willow - I feel for you hun. I am so sorry for your Nan. You don't come across self centred at all. As you know my mum is a sick lady and I often hope that I don't have what she has, then I feel selfish for feeling like this. (hugs) I hope you Nan is coping and your mum

Spring - I just saw Benjamins pics on FB and he is just devine...Man I am clucky

Janie - Where are you? Are you ok? Are you on holidays and I missed it?

[Michelle71]

The thing is - you do know what signs to look for!!! And that is a good thing. You are far more aware than most woman and one step ahead when it comes to detection.

[Willow]

I've just spoken to my Mum and my sister misunderstood (it was a very brief phone call to my mum who was still at the hospital) - it is actually pancreatic cancer and quite aggressive. They found benign cysts on her ovaries but it is not ovarian cancer.

Best news is that they have given her the option for treatment. She has decided to start chemo next week. With treatment they estimate she has 6-12 months. Without treatment, probably only 3-6. They will do more tests after the first round of chemo to see how effective the treatment is and then depending on those results, she can have a further 2 rounds. It is better than I'd expected so I am pleased.

I have had a good gut wrenching, cleansing sob this afternoon and am feeling better. My little man L found me crying and sat on my lap and rubbed my back saying 's'ok mummy, s'ok'.