Michelle I woke up this morning at 1am & I cried and cried and cried for you... My arms actually ache Ijust want to squeeze you... (that sounds really dumb but its true... )
This is so hard for us outside of you to fathom & I can only imagine how hard it is for you.
I said to you somewhere else, maybe I said it on the phoneI am not sure... But I will say it again.
Greg chose you & you he... It was meant to be that you share part of your lives together, that you travel & journey along together. Let the lessons he taught you in your time together come to you & know you taught him equally! Somewhere he chose you as you have the strength to continue in his absence. And you will. But you won't do it all alone - yes, at the end of the day when the lights go off you are alone. But know not truly as when our lights go out we are with you in our thoughts, our Energy. Just let yourself feel that. His Energy is with you, he is holding you.
He chose you beause you are beautiful, courageous and strong. He knows that. We know that & you in your belly know that too. You have what it takes to go through this.
I can see you are online - as soon as I can get a quiet space I will phone you. You are in my thoughts and my Buddha has burned brightly for Greg who I feel I knew. Bathe in the love you have for each other and remember that love is eternal - it goes on and on.
Oh Michelle of course you cannot sleep, I was able to indulge in sleeping tablets for a good while which gave me a few hours respite from the overwhelming grief, but you can't even do that cos of Omar - don't know if you are able to relax/meditate/take herbals, anything that might help - I'm so sorry, your pregnancy was hard enough, especially this week, and with 2 other babes - now this, it's not bloody fair, massive huge hugs xoxoxoxo
Michelle. Not much sleep was had here last night either. You and your children are constantly in my thoughts. I wish I was close enough to give you a in person. That time will come lovely lady. Please remember you are loved by so many and we will be there to support you however you need.
Sounds like we were all up last night with you Michelle. I couldn't stop thinking about you and I knew you'd be awake and full of grief. The only thing I can do is pray for you and your babies. I am so so sorry.
I've been offline for a long while but I couldn't read about your husband Michelle and not post. My deepest sympathy to you and your family, I'm very sorry about Greg.
I'm here in Beijing and have just read the news. Freya & Willow, her kids like lasagne & pasta, so perhaps some spaghetti bolgenese that can be frozen & defrosted.
I don't know what to say, & the distance is making it even worse for me to comprehend what has happened.
Greg was HILARIOUS! No doubt about it & the love & joy he bought to that family was incredible. I can't believe this is happening, or happened.
Michelle, I love you so much & you are such a beautiful friend to me. I wish you all the strength, courage and love you are going to need now & in the coming days, weeks, months & years.
LEE _ Help us know what to do for Michelle. Please, anything!
Michelle, I know that whatever I say will sound trite, and everyone else has spoken so eloquently, but I want you to know that you and and your family are constantly in my thoughts. There wasn't much sleep around my place either last night, I can't stop thinking about what has happened and how you don't deserve to go through more loss. Both my DH and I are thinking of you, as we are both so shocked and saddened by what has happened.
I wish I was closer and could actually DO something, rather than just write. But I hope my words help even just a little, although I know nothing will take away the pain.
I also can't believe that it has happened this week, which will be hard enough on you as it is. I am holding your hand from afar sweetie, and you are always in my thoughts xx
Jayne - I'm sorry, I have gone to send you a txt about 100 times since yesterday but I didn't know if it was my place to tell you, whether you already knew, didn't even know if you could even get calls or txts on your phone
Last edited by Willow; April 6th, 2010 at 02:40 PM.
I'm so impressed by all the support in here.. I've said it a million times but just have to say again how wonderful you all are.. such amazing and beautiful people and I feel so blessed to *know* you all.
Michelle - like everyone else, I didn't sleep very well last night either and can't stop thinking about you and your family. It's heartbreaking and like everyone else, it's tearing me apart. It's just not fair. I can't even begin to imagine. I lost my Dad when I was 17 and although it's not at all the same, I too remember the feeling when everything and everyone went back to normal.. how dare they.. things were not normal and it's a really difficult time... more so when it's your husband I would think. I just wish there was more I could say or do. I'm so sorry hun.
I don't know what else to say, like everyone else, it's really affected me and I'm a little numb.
Hi Jayne all the way over there, you must feel one million miles away, glad you can post though. I can tell you how I felt from my own experience, and after connecting with other ladies in my situation, I think it's a familiar and sad theme.....
When Chris (my DH died I was completely inundated with family and friends for his funeral - we lived in Darwin, so fairly remote - after his funeral (one week after he died) we had a wake at our home. The house was FULL of his best friends, and family, who had travelled from all over the country to be there. I was so sad, as he would have been gobsmacked at the turnout - it just seemed so sad that he was not there when finally everyone else was - another irony - enjoy your loved ones while they are here.
That first week I couldn't eat - I could drink a cup of tea, I tried to have a few bites of toast, but barely managed - I lost 8kgs in one week. The second night after I lost Chris I was lying in bed on my side, not sleeping of course. It was pitch black in the bedroom - and I DISTINCTLY felt a firm pressure on my shoulder - first it scared me, quicly turning on the light to see if the dog had done it, she was alseep in the corner as always. It was so noticeable/obvious - there could be only one explanation. After that, many other things happened - but more of that another time. It was and remains a comfort to me what happened that 2nd night. Our little boy (2 at the time, also saw his Daddy - he would point across the room and say "there's Daddy" and "hello Daddy" and smile. I could honestly write a book about the things Chris did to get our attention.
Anyway - I'm diverting from what I wanted to say. The first weeks you are in a state of shock - some people expect you to be "over it" after the funeral, but the majority of people give you one year, and then you should be "over it". Because I lived so far from my family it was extra difficult for me. I had very little support - left alone with a 2 and 4 year old. Night time was the WORST - after 2 months I took up smoking (had not smoked for many years) and opened a bottle wine most night after the kids went to bed and I talked on the phone to my closest of friends every night. This went on for a couple of months. Our DD aged 4 slept with me every night. I didn't change the sheets on the bed for months, and slept where he had slept, just to smell him, I left his towel hanging, his toothbrush next to mine, his smelly shoes parked where he left them.... it was blo.dy tough. After 6 months I moved to NSW and closer to my family.
I found support where I would never have expected to, and been bitterly disappointed at the lack of it where I expected it. The hardest part was always the children and the lack of a male in their lives. You have to find this male influence in other places - scouts, uncles etc.... I have 4 brothers, and Chris had 2 sisters - all of which were such a disappointment to me - although a lot of promises were made about helping me, any real support on the ground, or spending time with the children, was pretty thin on the ground.
So - how can you/we help MIchelle - it's when the dust settles and the great majority of people have resumed normal lives again - thats when Michelle is going to need the most support. It took me a full 12 months to hit rock bottom, I got VERY sick, I couldn't get out of bed for a week - it took me to get to that point before a family member stepped in and helped me out a bit. After then, I slowly slowly slowly started to crawl my way out of the pit.
Michelle is going to need as much support, and real help, with the children. I hope she has someone who can help her at night too. There may not be too much you can do right now - other than definately drop meals around, don't wait to be asked, just do it. Offer to mind the children, even for an hour, drive her to a massage and then mind the children, find a useful bloke to mow her lawns regularly (not just once), wash her car, clean up outside (or inside) - ANY practical help at all - as all this kind of stuff still needs doing, but it's SO hard to function after such a tremendous loss, not fogetting that Michelle is getting to the business end of Omar's pregnancy - she shouldn't be over-doing it anyway.
Just keep yourselves available to listen to her; especially when most people have disappeared and all the offer's of "call if you need anything" have dried up. The things I appreciated the most were the things I did not ask for (and I barely asked for anything, just not me, didn't know how) - someone ordered Chinese food one night and had it delivered, still to this day don't know who did that, but I damm well appreciated it. One of my best friends would drop by about 5pm - at that horrible rush hour time with young children - once a week - she would pour me a glass of wine, tell me to sit on the deck, and she bathed the kids, read them stories - what an angel.
I will write more later - Flynn crying - hope this helps.
we have just come back to the apartment for some lunch. Have been out at the markets, but I haven't bought anything for myself, I just can't think straight to argue about the money. Alan bought me some underwear - can't even remember what it looks like.
WILLOW _ Honestly hun, you could have texted me, I'm just glad that I have the internet access to be able to have come on & checked on you all. I would have been gutted to come home after 2 weeks & not have known. Yes, you can text me here, it's bout 55c per text though, but I'm reachable.
LEE - You're truly inspirational, I think so highly of you. If it's ok by you, I think we are all going to need stacks of advice from you in the future. So sorry bout the PND but so glad you have got it diagnosed already.
I'm so sorry, I can't think of many personals right now. My kids are going brilliantly in Beijing, the ladies LOVE my kids, which is really nice, but Claudia does a whole scream & run thingy when they coming running at them with open arms because they pick her up & carry her & she HATES it. They tell me Jessica has long long legs, not good for chasing boys they tell me! We went to a really fancy schmancy Beijing banquet last night, organised with the men from Alan's office. They chose a restaurant with entertainment for the kids, which was really thoughtful. We had to eat with chopsticks which was really interesting, I think Claudia was Chinese in a past life as she had those things mastered in seconds. The food on the menu was scary, they literally eat every single part of the animal, but they ordered normal meats for us - thank goodness!
Well now I'm rambling, because I don't know what else to say about what is happening, so I just rambled like a lunatic about China.
I'll check back later tonight.
Love Jayne x
PS _ how do I disable my signature to write on Michelle's condolensce thread.
Lee: thank you so much for sharing you experience, I know it must be hard for you to re live the pain. I'm sorry you were failed by some. I think you are a phenomimal woman
Jayne: to disable to sig scroll down to additional options and un tick the show my signature box.
Jayne - I know hun, I know. I wouldn't have let you come home to find out the news if I could have possibly prevented it babe because I know how I would have felt in your shoes and I know how much you care for Michelle I figured I had today to sort it out and talk to the girls about it because I didn't expect you to be on BB while you were away. Get with the times hey Willow? It's the WORLD WIDE web
To turn off your sig - just post as usual and you will find a little button under the quick reply screen on the RHS that says "show your signature". It will have a green tick in it, just click on it to turn it off.
Or if you do a full reply rather than a QR, click the 'go advanced' button and right down the bottom the same "show your signature" button is there, just turn that one off.
WILLOW _ Oh darl, honestly, you text me whenever, wherever! I'm always here. I have texted Michelle a few times today, I know I shouldn't be bothering her, but I just had to let her know. Even Alan is very, very subdued this afternoon. He knew how much fun I had with Michelle in Sydney & how much advice she gives me re: Claudia's bowels (which I am pleased to report are NOT clogged up since visiting China, thanks to the spices!). She holds an extra special place in my heart & I'm just glad I have the net to access, I know it's coming up so close to 25w3d & that's the entire reason I got Alan's laptop out today, to check her ticker!
SPRING _ So I leave the country & you drop 2.3kg in a week! I'm loving you. If it weren't for the amount of food I'm consuming, I'd lose tonnes of weight from the walking, I reckon we do near on 8km per day, most of that I"m carrying Claudia, but the food is so tasty!!! & there is so much variety. I have just gone & bought some fresh fruit to snack on - in the hope I will lower my portion sizes.
Oh ladies, I am here, I just have no words. I just want to sit here and cry and cry and cry for Michelle and Greg, the kids, their future..... I need to call her but dont know how..
Lee - thanks so much for opening up your wounds to let us in and try to understand how Michelle may be feeling and what she might need from us right now.
My arms actually ache Ijust want to squeeze you... (that sounds really dumb but its true...
)
cos of Omar - don't know if you are able to relax/meditate/take herbals, anything that might help - I'm so sorry, your pregnancy was hard enough, especially this week, and with 2 other babes - now this, it's not bloody fair, massive huge hugs xoxoxoxo
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