Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010

[butterfly_warrior]

Michelle, it is good to hear from you. I have been worried, but unable to call as we are at my parents house and I know I'll cry if I call you and don't want to do that in front of them. Stupid, I know. I love the name that you have chosen for Omar - George he is from here on now.

Right now DH is across the road with Sam on some play equipment at the community hall - I had to come back as being outside triggered sneezing fits that my bladder can't cope with in public! We are heading home tomorrow - looking forward to being back in my own bed again... and some private time with DH as we were flooded with bad news as we were leaving home and to some extent I still haven't processed any of it.

I suppose I should go help my mum with dinner... *sigh*

BW

[Freya]

Kelly such a sucky time for Dh to have gone away and for MIL to have left. I wished I lived closer I would come visit you to help while away the time til tuesdays scan.

Willow youll be right! Your muscle memory will kick in and itll be like you never stopped going! Think of the end results too (although your smokin hot already )

We've all got the lurgy here - tonsilitis to be exact. Ive never seen Stellan so sick; poor mite isnt eating and just sleeps and cries. I think Ive got it too (as much as one can without tonsils).

[LisaL]

Had to share....

Miss A has taken to breastfeeding her dolls she took out a doll, lifted her top and put the dolly to her chest and said 'there you go, have a feed'.....

Oh my lord....

[Freya]

I thinks that adorable Lisa Jett used to offer to feed Stellan for me

[kellym]

Oh Lisa - that's so precious and provided a nice little chuckle which I think is much needed for all of us!!

Freya - Thanks so much hun.. you're lovely words made me cry... again!! I'm feeling a little better after letting lots of tears out. I'm sorry to hear that you're all sick.. tonsilitis is the worst!! Hope it disappears quickly.

Michelle - it is so great to hear from you, I've been worried too and I'm really glad that you can come in here and share with us. All the best for you scan tomorrow, it's going to be hard but it sounds like you've got all the right support around you, which I'm so pleased to hear.

Janie - Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for your call. You couldn't of called at a better time, right when I really needed someone to talk to. I'm sorry for the tears but it really helped! I am feeling much better.

Well, as I said, I'm feeling a little better now. I actually feel a bit sick again, so praying that it's still a bit of m/s and all is going ok. DS has been brilliant.. out of the blue though, he'll just turn to me with a really sad face and say 'I want grandma to come back' and 'I want my daddy'.. he even does the whole *sniff* thing. He just gave me his teddy bear, to cuddle, to make me feel better. Precious. I think he's trying to look after me.

Kel xxx

[Sequoia]

Hi Sequoia. Ive been thinking about you hun. hugs

Thanks Bek, just ticking along, tiredness is starting to set in a little. How are your girls?

Michelle - George Gregory is a lovely strong name you've chosen for your little one, you are in my thoughts.

Mako - oh hun, I've just seen your sig, another MC?? I am so sorry hun. How far along were you? I'm sorry if this is nosey. How is Sage?

[~Jayne~]

LISA - You need to get that on the video cam of Miss A doing her 'thang' with her dollies. It's priceless. Jess used to do the same, as well as listen to her babies heartbeat with the doppler I had hired.

DEB _ Oh a Chinese love affair, you need to write a book about it! I must admit, I'm loving China more than I thought I would. I just went out flying solo and took myself to the markets & got some shoes & hand bags. A girl can never have enough of either. You must tell me more about your adventure. We went to the Great Wall today which was just breathtaking. I loved it. My legs are freaking killing me, but it's a small price to pay. We are in Sanlitun.

JANIE _ I hear you love, I get where you are coming from.

BEK _ Did you put pics on FB? I want to see Eva in her Christening gown. I can't get FB in China, but I can't wait to see them when I get home.

MICHELLE _ Glad you're home, walking through that door would have been tough, but as you said, one breath at a time. I'm loving GGM! George is just gorgeous, love it!

BUN _ When is your trip darl?

WILLOW _ Chubby bum? Get outta town! I earned 500 exercise points today at the Great Wall, it was insane, but I feel great now.

MAKO _ What's the next step for you honey?

AFM _ Better get the kids ready to go out for dinner, they are requesting noodles tonight, they are sure in the right place for noodles!!!

[Janie]

Michelle, I'm so glad you're home, although I'm imagining that it will be tough in some ways. What a little spunk Oscar is, making the coffee . Thank you for your words, I knew you'd know what I meant . I'm so sorry that I can't be there for Greg's funeral, I would dearly, dearly love to come. But I will come up later on and see you, when my boy is bigger. I'm guessing you'll be happy to see me anytime , if not let me know! I think George Gregory is a beautiful name, and I love your birth plans, they sound wonderful. Lots of hugs for you lovely

Bek, I too would love to see pics! Glad it went well.

Willow, chubby bum? I don't think so! But you made me laugh

Jayne, loving hearing about China!

Better dash, little boy crying.......xoxo

[kellym]

OMG Janie... check out your ticker... one day to go... I can't believe you're not even at your due date and yet you're already home with your precious little man. I'm so glad he's doing so well.

Jayne - WTG on the shopping trip on your own... impressive!! Love hearing about China and can't wait to hear more (and see some pics) when we catch up in May!!!

Kel xx

[Willow]

Willow, chubby bum? I don't think so! But you made me laugh

Ahh, then my work here is done

I survived...just! Neh, wasn't too bad. Although the instructor (or 'group fitness leader' as we call it) has thrown a few dance moves in to the class...imagine me doing a bit of the mamba and cha, cha, cha ...seriously not good ladies I actually missed going over the Easter break though. Hanging for my pump class on Saturday morning.

Freya - Hope you are all over the lurgy asap. Poor little man My D is still not 100% and coughing till he gags and at meal times that mostly equals actual vomit We've been giving him pureed stuff the last day or so and it's been a bit better.

Janie - When you get time I want to hear all about how wonderful your little boy is and what he's up to.

Lisa - Ditto the above. Both my big kids b'fed their babies too, I think it's wonderful!

Kelly - Glad you're feeling better. I think it's great that you and Janie have each other over there

[mako]

Willow I had to laugh at your dance moves but I bet you are doing just fine. Much better than me and my unco moves

Kelly I'm thinking of you too hun and will be "holding your hand" during your scan next Tuesday. How long is DH away for this time?

Janie OMG I can't believe little D is 6 weeks old already. How is N doing?

Lisa How cute is DD1 breastfeeding her dolly. That is priceless

Jayne I hope you are having a great time in China. Well done on going shopping by yourself too. I don't think I'd have the courage to do that in a foreign country. How are the girls going? I bet they are having a ball.

Michelle I'll be thinking of you tomorrow during your scan and how adorable is DS "making the coffee". Kids are just priceless aren't they.

BW I hope you've had a good time with your family. That little park brings back waaaaayyyyyy too many memories for me lol.

Sequoia How are you hun? I've been thinking of you often too and thanks for your kind words too. I was 8w3d this time

I'm not too sure where to go next as far as I'm concerned. I think I need to wait and see my Ob next month and see what she has to say.

[Lee]

Hi girls

Michelle - your post was incredible, your thoughts so clear. I'm so glad you feel 100% supported by your midwife, I hope this can provide some calm for you in rocky seas. I love the name George too, his Daddy will be proud you chose Gregory for his boy aswell, beautiful. George is growing to be a very very special little boy indeed, let him warm you with his kicks, and remind you of the circle of life, and of Greg's love for you always

Girls - can I just share something else with you. After Chris died (for at least 1-2 years after) it was like a dagger in my heart when my friends (and even my closest ones) spoke directly to me about their DH's. I recall my best friend complaining to me that her DH was away for the weekend, and she was doing it really tough being a single parent (for 2 nights) - ahhhh hello, I thought have you forgotten MY reality???? Anyway, my point is, we need to be sensitive, in my opinion, especially at the current time when everything is so raw. When you loose your DH (just as when we lost our babes) you really don't want to hear people in your face about the thing you have just lost, it cuts so deep. Please no-one take this personally, I just needed to raise it. To be honest, I hated hearing my friends were going out with their DH's - to dinner, to a movie, family outings - it killed me every time, and none of us want Michelle feeling any worse than she already does

Bek - I looked at Eva's Christening photos, she's a cutie-pie - we are doing Flynn's on Anzac Day.

Spring and Bun - hope you are all landed safe and well and are being nurtured xoxo

Kelly - wishing I could again fast forward the coming weeks, hang in there and 'try try try' to have faith, hard as that is after loss xo

Hi to everyone else - I'm off to bed, and have decided to attack the kids bedrooms while they are away - only time I can throw away all their junk, not a fun job for the morning, but satisfying at the end!

Love to all, may the gods of sleep be kind to us all, but especially to Michelle, to help ease her shattered heart,

Lee xoxo

[Willow]

Anyway, my point is, we need to be sensitive, in my opinion, especially at the current time when everything is so raw. When you loose your DH (just as when we lost our babes) you really don't want to hear people in your face about the thing you have just lost, it cuts so deep. Please no-one take this personally, I just needed to raise it. To be honest, I hated hearing my friends were going out with their DH's - to dinner, to a movie, family outings - it killed me every time, and none of us want Michelle feeling any worse than she already does

Lee - Thank you for posting about this. I suspect my post (which I have edited) may be why you mentioned it? I am not offended or taking it personally, just makes a lot of sense to me that you would say that after my comments is all. I just wasn't sure...in hindsight it came across as thoughtless so I have deleted it. The last thing on this earth I want to do is add to Michelle's pain.

[Michelle71]

Pain shmain I am (currently) at the anger stage of grief and I seriously want to kill my husband for ignoring symptoms an hour before he died which *may* have made a difference (although I feel I am a little late ) A forehead slap is definitely in oder and I have a desire to punch something. Something to make it feel less raw than it does. Feel free to vent about your DH's and the ups and downs of married life. It needs to happen to make your life together enriched. But remember why you love them too and appreciate the other little things that make you melt / smile (as well as the ones that make you want to strangle them )

Lee thank you

Apologies in advance for the significant amount of black humour that is likely to be sprinkled through my posts. It is my coping mechanism. Something DH and I shared and a byproduct of our work. If you are after a slightly more subtle form of humour - read his death notice on Saturday and later I will fill you in on a little inside secret

[Willow]

Michelle - I have always enjoyed your (and through you, Greg's) wicked sense of humour. So bring it on. Whatever helps you get through each day (hour? minute?)

I am thinking of you today. I know this scan will be incredibly difficult for you but know we are all *there* with you holding your hand.

[mako]

Michelle you do whatever it is to help you through this very minute babe. Like Willow I too enjoy your sense of humour so bring it on. And as far as wanting to forehead slap or punch someone or something maybe try a pillow instead..Its much softer on your hands/knuckles in the grand scheme of things. I found that out by experience once not too long ago
All the best for today. I'm sure Omar(George) will be on his best behaviour

Lee Thanks for pointing some stuff out to us As you may notice I too edited my previous post. I'm not too sure if that is what you were kind of referring too but I did it anyway. The last thing I want to do is sound insensitive because I'm really not like that IRL and don't wish to come across that way in here

[Freya]

Good luck with your scan today Michelle, hope you get some nice piccies of George! And ditto Willow and Mako!

Had a better night than expect last night and he has perked up a bit this morning so hopefully the ab's are kicking in but now Im feeling worse so guess its off to get some for me today.

[Inanna]

You know I am here with you Michelle today. All day - my Quan Yin is burning for you & Omar-G! (I still love Omar & being a Virgo I find it hard to let go! )

Prayers being said, your hand being held. You are safe today sweetheart you have the love of so many supporting you & 2 very special Souls guiding you. xxxx