Lulu - thanks for the suggestions. I try and keep pretty balanced with how I talk to her but obviously I need to be more conscious and drop anything to do with looks. She came in this morning asking me if she looked beautiful (she had got herself dressed for a birthday we have this morning). I said 'I love the clothes you have chosen and you've done a great job getting dressed'. But I think I probably would have usually said 'yes, you look lovely'. Time to take a good hard look at ourselves and our parenting I think. (And I'm guilty of being a bit free and easy with brackets too! They're so useful )
Lady Zaidie - I asked her why she doesn't like herself and she just said 'I don't like myself in the mirror' when I said why, she just said 'Because' and didn't want to talk about it Good idea about asking her if she agrees. I will try that next time.
Hi Jandals. Gosh! I can't believe it starts so young. I grew up a bit of a tomboy - I wanted to be like my brother. My two eldest nieces didn't seem to go through this but their youngest sister is well, gosh how to put it nicely..... probably one of those little so and so's who are giving your DD a reason to worry about how she looks. Hmm, don't like to say it but my youngest niece is not a very nice little girl, unless we are all praising her looks and talents!!
I don't really have any advice to offer, but I just wanted to show my support and say that parenting is hard and yep, sometimes we get things wrong but mostly we get it right. You seem to show your daughter how much you love her for being who she is as a little person and obviously you care enough to ask yourself "am I doing it right". It's hard watching your kids go through self doubt but I guess all we can do as parents is be there and try to reassure them.
Goodness, I think I'm rambling and not at all getting my point across I keep re-reading it and it seems to be coming out wrong....argh!!
In a nutshell: Jandals, you're doing a wonderful job as a mum and I'm sure that just because you're busy looking after bubs you are NOT in any way causing DDs self doubt! I agree that it is more likely caused by something she has seen at kindy.
DD1 is 4.5 and is always asking if she looks pretty or saying that someone has a prettier dress etc - it is doing my head in. I am sure it is from kinder and I try to bring it back around by talking to her about how well she has done other things, like how much she has improved at swimming or how helpful she was or what a kind big sister she is. Unfortunately she is focused on the "pretty". Realistically she is a very pretty girl but there will always be someone prettier, cleverer, skinnier - whatever. I am just trying to make her still like her for being herself.
:hugs: Parenting a girl can be difficult unfortunately, especially when it comes to their body image.
I know from the age of 4 - 7 DD wanted to be white. The only dark skinned girl in her class, I'm white as a ghost I kept reassuring her she is beautiful just the way she is, inside and out. I also let her know, that when she becomes a teenager, all her friends are going to risk their life by sun baking to be have the coloured skin she has! Thankfully, we are over that stage now, but there are more issue's to come!
Personally, I would be asking DD WHY she doesnt like herself, where she heard it from, talk to her calmly about it. Im sure at 4 she would be able to let you know? Then you can work on reassuring her and her self image and work out the next step from there.
I hope you are able to find the answers you're looking for
I'm so sorry for my ridiculously late reply ladies I really appreciate all of your comments - life has just been so busy lately I haven't been on BB.
We have booked in to see a psychologist that specialises in building resilience in kids. He is part of the Pathways program that runs in schools all over Australia. He did a talk at our local C & K and I was really impressed with what he had to say. He will be working with all of us - not just DD. I was worried about sending my 4 year old to "therapy" but he assures me his approach is family based. My plan is to come away with some great strategies to help DD through any rough patches life throws at her. And we all know there will be plenty of those Anyway, our first appointment is next weekend so I will keep you posted.
Totally off subject - but what's with the new smilies. I'm not feeling the love for them...
Thanks again for all of your support and kind words
Hi Jandals, glad you've found someone you're comfortable with to help DD. So I guess she's still been a bit down on herself? Here's hoping things will pick up for her with some new strategies
...Also, the new smilies aren't are permanent thing I don't think. BB went down for a while on server change over and when it came back on some of the smilies had gone AWAL and been replaced by these strange stand-ins I'm with you not feeling much love for them either. Kelly's away on much needed hols, when she returns I think all be be restored to normal
)
Good idea about asking her if she agrees. I will try that next time.
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I really appreciate all of your comments - life has just been so busy lately I haven't been on BB. 
Anyway, our first appointment is next weekend so I will keep you posted. 
my heart just broke when I read it
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