Arrgh! Antheia, I feel your pain! DD has been doing this recently after her dinner and bath when it is time to get ready for bed. She refuses to get her pyjamas on and jumps around like a nutcase on the couch while I try to control her. She has started back chatting and being rude. It happens every night and always at the same time. She has had the same bedtime routine for over 18 months so there hasn't been a change there at all.
I thought it might have had something to do with the pregnancy and seeing how far she could push me. The reward chart sounds like a good idea but at 2.5 I'm not sure that will will fully understand. I haven't noticed any difference from days when she is at CC or home with me. She has just started dropping her daytime sleep so I also thought that it could be due to that and being overtired.
I hope you find something that works as I know how tiring their behaviour can be especially when you are pregnant.
Perhaps she is feeling a bit anxious about the bub and any attention is good attention in her eyes so could be part of the reason she is acting up.
I have noticed increased whining and demands for my attention from my 5 and 2yo's. Usually when I try to grab a bit of a rest but more often if I'm on the phone or in the kitchen cooking.
One thing that I can say that could help is to totally change your evening routine. Mason used to go on the rampage and demolish his bedroom every evening. Sometimes before dinner, while I was cooking, other times after but it would happen every night. The way we got around this was to have dinner prepared earlier in the day. After dinner instead of doing the dishes we would do the bath and PJ routine, then go play all together with his toys for a while, then it was story time and bed. During summer we would all go for a family walk to the park then when we got home it was bath, PJ's, story & bed.
During this time the TV and the PC was off and it was all attention on the kids. And yes it helped!
I think you need to adjust your own habits to create better behaviour in your children. Having a child with Aspergers Disorder I know full well the type of havoc destructive habits or routines can cause and if she is doing the same thing every night then you need to get serious. I'm not saying that your DD has the same issues as Mason does but kids can be complex little beings and habits can be hard to break, especially if she thinks the only way she can get your attention is to act in a certain way.
I actually agree with what Kaydee says too. I don't think it's a good idea to threaten to take her to the hospital. She has probably worked out by now that you won't follow through with it which is why she still acts up.
Why don't you try taking away a favourite toy or DVD instead.
You know, i didnt even think it could have anything to do with me being pregnant. Come to think of it, she has started this about the same time my belly started getting noticably big. Also the fact she knows its a boy and really wanted a girl.
Tonight she actually asked to go to bed. Woohoo! Some progress at last.
I'll start the food diary on Monday and see how that pans out. If its a trigger i'll take her to a naturopath so we can work out a plan. And over the coming weeks i'll start on the rewards system.
It seems to get a bit confusing with all the posible things that could be causing this behaviour. Its probably a mix if things. Tara is starving for attention all the time since DS was born. I feel at time she's slipping backwards with her manners etc. Maybe it's because of jelousy. I have never thought of changing diets, but I do know sticking to a routine at nights does help. They test the boundries, but you just have to stand your ground. Kids also after awhile find a week point in our pairenting, so they know how to act to get what they want. Its hard when Tara was listening and responding to my mum , but not me.
I recon the reward system would work. It works for the super nanny.
Im glad you had a good night last night.
Last edited by 2 please; October 12th, 2008 at 07:22 AM.
I have tried all suggestions here and nothing is working. She is getting worse.
No matter who i talkto about this,no one believe me how bad it is. They say its just aphase, she is just being a 4 year old etc etc. Well im sorry but i have never seen a 4 year old act like she is. This is not normal!
It's now starting from when DH gets home until he goes to bed. And all day on the weekends. Today she is really bad.
She has been doing things she knows are naughty and syaing 'look what i just did' acting all proud. If i tell her to stop or i say no,she will repeat what i say.
DH is to the point of giving up and just ignoring her because he gives her huge amount of attention and she still acts like this. She actually worse when he does give her attention.
We figure it is probably because of the new baby. But we cannot put up with this behavour until February! I am to the point of tears most days because she will not listen. She will not take any form of punishment. She will not stay in time out. She sees no consiquence. She will not stop this. We give her attention she keeps it up, we ignore her she is hardly any different. What are we to do?
Well i have worked out that its definatly because of the baby. I am thinking because she is DH's favourite and Charlie seems to be mine shes probably thinking well whose is going to be the baby's (even though thats not how it works obviously but it seems that is how she is thhinking it) and its like she is being naughty to DH so that he leaves the room i'm in (cause it always ends up that way) and so she thinks its a way tog et him away from the baby so that he doesnt love it or something. Does that make sense? I know she loves bub i just think she is scared for losing her daddy to this other child in her mind.
Anyway now that i have kinds worked out the why i have stopped punishing her for it because its like to her its not being naughty and shes getting confused. So now i mostly just give her a big talk every day before and after DH gets home. We reasure her all the time etc about it all. She has always been very insecure and jealous and very much a daddy's girl. She tells me she isnt going it to hurt him. And the other day when we were laying down in bed she kept pushing DH and my belly away from each other.
It's still really hard on DH though as we still can't stop her behaviour no matter what we do. She's on a waiting list to see a child psychologist but i dont see how it'll help because we knmow her problem and i have done everything that they'll tell me to do anyway. I think we are just going to have to wait it out until bub is here and she can see that nothing will change. It'll be even better for her cause i have told DH that he's just going to have to spend one on one time with her at like a park or a play centre away from everyone else just so she realises that he's still her daddy.
I'm glad you've found the reason, it makes it much easier to deal with when you understand why they are behaving that way. Does your DH spend lots of time doing things with your DD now? I wonder if she would benefit from special "dates" with him, like trips to the park etc. before the baby is here? He probably already does that, but maybe if it was something like a regular scheduled "date" that continues on when the baby is here, she will soon work out that things will stay the same with her daddy?
Hopefully you get to see a child psycologist, they may give you some strategies that you hadn't thought of that could help too.
wow Antheia, I just read all of the posts here! You poor thing, isn't it frustrating when you tell people how helpless you feel and that you think their behaviour isn't normal and they don't believe you.
I think Trish's suggestions of a weekly date with daddy is an excellent idea. Even if it is to go for a walk or drive on his day off to get the paper or something else.
Our DD was 8 when we told her I was pregnant, and even though she was old enough for us to communicate that things wouldn't change, she was still a little apprehensive. We tried to include her as much as possible with all things baby related (Not saying that you're not) we got a copy of up the duff, mainly for the measurements along the side of the book so she could see how long the baby was each week. One week we even gave her a bag of microwave popcorn and said this is how heavy the baby is this week.
We subscribed to emails with details of what the baby was growing this week.
She also was moved to the bigger spare room, and got a makeover. Instead of a makeover, maybe a new lamp or something else inexpensive?
She came shopping with us when we looked at change tables as well, and she bought a special outfit from target for the baby to wear home from hospital. Problem was that she got a bigger than needed size, but it was still her choice.
We got her a digital camera and wrapped it up, and when she arrived at the hospital for the first time, we gave it to her and told her it was from her baby brother. She absolutely loves the camera, and takes so many photo's it's not funny!
Maybe a lot of daddy daugther one on one time, then slowly start talking about the baby, how she will have to show the baby how to hold a fork, while you guys are eating. Does she think the baby will like banana as much as she does, when he is old enough to eat?
Just had another thought about the reward chart, what if you let her pick the items that go in the box for her to choose from? Don't know if that will help any?
Yeah i think we'll start the special 'dates' this weekend. I do know she is excited about the baby coming. She wants to see him being born(one great thing about homebirth!) and she wants to teach him how to walk and talk and she helps me pick out cloth nappies lol. So it is a little confusing to me that she loves bub but still feels threatened but i guess thats just how her mind works!
Just wanted to recommend a great picture book your DD might like titled 'Hello Baby'. It is a beautiful book about a home birth in a family were there are other children present. It has a really simple story line with great pictures. It sounds like she is really interested in the up coming birth so it might be of some benefit in terms of preparing her. The lady down the road from me gave it to her DS (5) and DD (7). They loved it.
Also some of the behaviors you mentioned your DD displaying are almost identical to those these kids started showing about a month out from their sisters birth.
Good luck for your home birth, every home needs one.
I was thinking about that book lately actually. I might give it to her for christmas and it can be a special reading time book we can do together at bed time.
Antheia, I have just read through all the posts....You poor thing dealing with that and being pregnant! I'm so glad you have worked out the reason and have things in place to make it easier for you all!
Although I am sorry you had to go through that, I am glad you started the thread! DS is being so difficult lately and some of the replies may be useful for us. I'm definitely not pregnant so thats not the cause of his issues but could be diet related. We also started a rewards chart but although he loved getting the stickers and putting it up, I think he is too young to understand why he's getting the stickers...anyway won't hijack your thread just wanted to say thanks for starting the thread and glad things are looking up for you!
Well it may not be all about the baby now. She shows signs of ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). So she's getting reviewed on this and other such things.
Overall i feel like i have let her down somehow, like i caused this. This is not how i imagined life would be like..
T, huge big hugs hun. I have just sat here and read through all the posts and can see you crying out for help. It's sooooo bloody frustrating isn't it.
I wish I could offer you a magic solution, but I just don't have one. I wish that I could make it all better for you, and for I.
All of my kids are very over active - and that's being nice about it. I have been through so much crap with them from all different angles and sadly at all different age groups.
Your right ppl do tell you abou thte terrible 2's, but personally I think it's the 2's,3's,4's up to the damn teens, cos I am still dealing with it. Throw in a good dose of hormones and it's a bloody ****tail.
I am glad that you are seeing someone with DD and that you are receiving some help. Be sure that you are also referred to someone that can teach you ways to manage her behaviour better. It's one thing to have a "name" to your childs problem, that's all well and good, but to walk out and still not have any real help is another thing.
You know where I am hun if you ever want to chat or vent.
Oh and in NO WAY have you let her down huni. Please never think that. I know as their parents we feel totally responsible for everything that happens with them, but something like this you cannot take the blame for.
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