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Thread: Bec's debrief

  1. #19

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    Thanks Christy I just read your debrief, Matilda is a special spirited girl.
    Bec


  2. #20

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    Great that you are feeling a tad better today Bec Anytime you need a slap around the ears and a reminder that Eliza is a very, very special little girl, you let me know I'd be happy to oblige.
    At the end of the day none of our children are perfect. There are always things you would love to swap about them, but we just have to live with the knowledge that you can't change them.
    And yes - that means I can't stop my child throwing things when I say no, and then banging her head on the ground...... More red marks on her forehead today!

  3. #21
    Melinda Guest

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    I've been in a similar situation to you Bec, in that I worry that other people have perfect children, and there's Jacob throwing a monumental tanty. I ask myself "where did we go wrong?"

    It's not until a day or two after the event that I realise that we haven't done anything wrong as parents - we always put our children's needs first and try to set the right example. What Jacob does is simply what a lot of toddlers do - I remind myself of this a lot (of course I still have meltdowns!)

    There's been many a time when I'd have Jacob at playgroup and he'd throw a wobbly - throw himself down on the hard floor, kick, scream, hit me, bang his head on the ground - all the while others were playing happily, not making a fuss, and I'd have other parents staring at Jacob and I and whispering amongst themselves. It was awful. Personally if another child is throwing a tantrum where we are, I just ignore it - much better for all involved I think.

    Jacob also had issues with communicating and was a bit on the later side to start talking, so a lot of his tantrums at that point, stemmed from not being able to communicate effectively, and from us misinterpreting whatever other signals he was trying to give us. In the end he started walking over to his stroller and sitting in it - that was his cue that he'd had enough and wanted to go home!

    It was a whole new world once he started talking.

    Now we still have tantrums, but it's because he's pushing boundaries and wanting things he can't have. Those kind of tantrums I am much more tolerant of because I know what they are about. Sure some of them might be a bit peculiar (perhaps I rubbed a moon we had drawn, off the blackboard when I shouldn't have done LOL) but at the end of the day, I do know what they are about and we can problem solve and negotiate.

    The other thing too I found, is finding an activity that is suitable for Jacob. I found that playgroup just wasn't his bag at all - he's so physically active that he needed something more than playgroup where they sit and do playdough, painting (he dislikes having his hands dirty and freaks out with paint LOL) etc. So now he goes to Kindergym instead and what do you know - a lot less tanties! Sure we have them because he doesn't want to get off the trampoline or something, but overall, he enjoys Kindergym IMMENSELY and it's much more appropriate for him. Do you think it's possible that sometimes Eliza isn't enjoying where she is or what she's doing??

    Jacob's latest trick is that he is refusing to say please. Instead, he will pat you gently on the head/face/shoulder/leg, give you a big kiss and cuddle whilst smiling ever so sweetly, thinking that that alone will suffice. So he's being 'nicely' defiant. Very clever little boy - but it ain't workin'!!

    Chin up Bec - you're a great Mum and Eliza sounds like a special little sausage who is asserting her very unique personality.

  4. #22

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    Thanks for replying Shannon and Melinda

    Shannon: Eliza is very fluent in her own special language she has great expression in her voice. I totally agree with the milestones being met at different times and when they are 10 I'm sure I would struggle picking the first walkers and talkers in a classroom and deep down I know it BUT as time ticks away and words still are hard to come by I know that appointment with the MCHN is looming in the picture where I fight for acceptance that she will get it and doesnt need to see a specialist.
    I find it difficult too that Eliza is a special child in so many ways that people presume that she was so hard to concieve and carry that they often think that I will let her get away with alot of things that I dont, maybe the issues of having failures of pregnancys maybe stem to feeling a failure when Eliza is peforming to the normal percentage of kids.
    Guee but is a whole other kettle of fish.
    Melinda I havent forgotton will be back child is awake
    Bec

  5. #23

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    UPDATE:
    Eliza has been to see the speech pathologist that has diagnosed her with "developmental delay" but only speech. She exhibits no signs of any intellectal disabilities or autism. And with the the few tools the speechie gave us we are making progress. Daycare has turned the corner she enjoys going and I enjoy picking her up as there is usually no incident reports to sign (biting). They even told me what a joy she is to have there something months ago they would internally sigh when they saw her coming into the room.
    My little girl is saying yes please and up please...things that she couldnt do....dont get me wrong she is still delayed but is making progress and that makes for a happy mummy.
    Shannon...hows Jess going with daycare?
    Bec

  6. #24

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    Aww Bec, you must be so happy with Eliza's progress. Sounds like she is going fantastic.

    YAY for you Eliza, what a clever little girl you are

  7. #25

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    Bec that sounds great Good for Eliza!!

  8. #26

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    ive read most of the post Bec from what i can gather you are doing eveything in your power so dont feel to bad. I have a now 3 year old DD we have a large family in saying this becouse of kaos we would talk for not to say this if what you have done but as a result DD wouldnt talk just grunt and scream yell and cry you can understand my frustration then she would bite not just any one just her older sister 17months older if she could nt get her point through she would bite for what ever reason we never really new but i think it was to defend her self against her older sister we never would bite back i would ask her would she like it if i bite her with my big teeth i would show her she would say no then i would explain why not to do it blah blah then time out it was a long process but it has worked i would make her kiss and cuddle her sister a say sorry it takes time make her use her big girl words i hope this helps
    kath

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