Ohh hun, sending loads of hugs, I dont have much to offer in way of help, unless maybe you devise a new system that you can stick on the wall or something and give her a gold star everytime she listens, and then say to her that at the end of the week if she has done really well with being good she will get a reward, such as the money your DH is giving her at night, but only at the end of the week.
When my kids are naughty at the shops, I tell them before hand, when we get to the shops if you are naughty we will go straight back home. I have had to do that with my DS1 when he was little and just walked back out of the shopping centre and back home.
Not sure if will be of any help, but goodluck anyway on finding a solution that works. hugs