O gots me one a dem!

The tanties are hard to deal with - especially when its about anything and everything

I made a pact with dp that we had to jump on each and every tanty or screaming demand (a 'shock and awe' campaign if you will). When he starts up - off to his room. Each and every time - no 2nd chances. Because he knows that not the way to do things.
It was/is very tiring but it gets the point across and he will pull himself in.
He has sensory issues so I can see a meltdown on the way and deal with that in a different way, but the fact remains he must still learn to be a member of the family and society in general...

You know how we were talking about fighting with our brains to stay where we shouldn't be? I think DD does the same (I know ds did), because it's sort of her 'natural' state and even though she doesn't get what she wants or seem happier when she does, she feels more comfortable in that state.
I will send you something to remedy that - it worked for ds, broke the cycle. I nearly cried one day when he skipped past and said "hey mummy - I'm happy!"

I really really like Lara's idea of the timer. You might even do some sort of chart with the routine on it and maybe hands of the clock pointing the time out of when the activity etc starts.

Something else that is working around here recently is asking ds to be a good example, cos he is a BIG boy now, and dd is LITTLE. Lately both kids have been taking pleasure in singing "poos, wees, gina and doodles" or inserting any of those words into normal conversation. Now I just ignore it but it drives dp nuts and he made a big issue of it, therefore cementing the action .
I took ds aside and said I hope he would be a gentleman and ignore it when dd started, to show her how to be grown up like he is. It's working! It also give me a chance to praise him each time he does it.

will get some remedy in the mail to you soon xoxoxo