Dan, there are so many definitions out there of what makes a good mother, but NONE OF THEM includes being a perfect housewife! I know it is very hard to do but letting go of the small stuff (ie: perfection) is really important if you are to enjoy this new stage in your life.

Very few people get to be home full time, all the time, while their kids are little. And when you think about it - where do you draw the line? That awful woman said you should have "given them 5 years: but some people say that's not even enough - that you shoudl be home BEFORE and AFTER school EVERY day. Yeah, and how many get to (or want to) do that? Not many, and often those that do have nagging doubts about losing themselves or being dependant on their DH. My point it this - your kids will still get to see you, love you and have you as a mum even though you go to work. in fact, their circle of people to love will just get bigger. They will get to love their carers, and grow to love their daddy more. Their world will get bigger and that will be a good thing. (Personally I beleive gently growing away from your parents is a critical part of growing up but that is a whole 'nother post!)

Now to the practical stuff - planning (IMO) is crucial if you are to balance home and work life. Write down all the things that REALLY scare you (I mean literally - stuff like "I won't have time to iron" or "how will I be able to cook dinner on the days I am not around" and "when will I have time to get the washing done?"). Once you've done that, think about what things on your list don't need to be done. All of us working mummies compromise - I don't clean as often as I did when I was home FT, my linen cupboard isn't hyper-organised, and I NEVER iron.

Next, think about things you can delegate. DH can cook when you are out, maybe your mum or GF can pick up some drycleaning for you, and so on. Usually this isn't a very big part of any working woman's list (we tend to want to do it ourselves to make sure its done properly but give it a go.

Then for the rest - google and check out the Domestic Goddess part of BB. There are so many ideas out there on how to schedule for efficiency, plan your menus, do "once a month cooking" (where you literally cook a month's worth of dinners in one day), and manage with kids in tow.

With a bit of planning (and culling tasks from your to-do list) you will find you will actually be able to get a lot of housework done WITHOUT the kids even caring. Playdoh, Playschool, drawing, playing outside - all things that kids want to do that don't require 100% of your attention and things which let you do housework alongside them. Fold the washing while they cut and paste. Vacuum while the watch playschool in the other room. Get them to "help" while you dust. Ride their bikes while you rake the leaves. Draw or read while you plan your week's menu. Count the different types of fruit in the supermarket while you shop. Kids want to be with you, doing what you do. Really - women have raised kids in tribal settings, spent their days collecting water, shelling peas, digging fields, whatever, with their kids in tow. I think its only our modern Western lifestyle which somehow cons mothers into thinking if we aren't sitting, gazing at our chidlren, giving them 100% of our attention all the time that we are bad mummies. But I am ranting - I think you get my point.

A saying that helps me - To every thing there is a season. You have had your time at home full time. Now it is time to go back to work. Mourn the passing of one phase but try to embrace and move forward to this new phase of growth. Your childrens' worlds will grow as a consequence, you will learn new skills and let go of old habits and fears. Don't be afraid - here comes the sun.