I did it...I exploded

[maz]

Last week I had W pinging off the wall's...scremaing, carrying on...we caught him trying to sneak out to do trick or treat only thing that saved us was that the gate was locked.

Monday came and W was fine but OMG M started non stop high pitch squelling, hitting, punching, kicking..aggravation.

Tuesday came....W was yet again fine and M started again.....worse the monday. The other 3 kids locked themselves in their rooms awy from him whilst I sat here trying to calm him, rocking him back and forth, patting him, cooing to him, rocking somemore with him

Today came and I thought all was good....then we went to the park and he started on Miss T...man I could of cried. They are normally pea's in a pod and the poor little poppit didnt understand that M was being a monster and thought he was playing...he hit into her twice...the second time I flipped, frew him into the pram and smacked him on the bum with the arm of my jumper. I must off looked like the most horrible belting skummy mothe rin the world...but my heart broke watching poor Miss T trying her hardest to play with him and him just being horrible.

He hit her in the face and I just exploded at him...I know it doesnt sink in and he look's at me with his big green eye's with big tears wondering why the hell I was yelling and being angry at him. I just cant get over him hitting her so full on, and the noises he made...im wanting to hold my ears right now. I thank god that Miss T's mum is so understanding....I would run if someones child was like that let alone the mother.

I remember this stage....I went through it with W ... it lasted 2 years and was really rough. I dont want to get on this ride again...I want to get off...its depressing and bloody lonely.

I HATE AUTISM!!!!! IT SUCK'S BALL'S!!!!!!

Please dont answer..there's no need I just needed to get it out.