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Thread: I need help

  1. #1
    SarahKay Guest

    Default I need help

    I don't even know what i want to write. I'm just feeling so lonely right now. My fiance is having an affair, but not a real one yet, just on chat site on his phone, but they are planning to meet up soon. He doesnt know that i know, or that i know about the other times either,which is why I cant talk to my mum about it because if I end up just staying again then she will know what an idiot i am. I do want to leave him, but it doesnt feel like the right thing to do, not just for our son, but for his older son too. His mother is useless & it's probably really arrogant of me to think this but I feel like I'm the only parental figure who puts him first, but if i leave him & his dad I wont see him ever again. I know Im not perfect, I've lost my temper in front of the boys a few times, my house is a mess most of the time, I dont look after myself, worst of all I dont fight for my son to get more clothes, toys or whatever when his dad buys himself new games or whatever. I feel like Im failing my baby, which makes me feel so lost, I'm a Mum, it's what Im supposed to be good at, I've waited so long to have my baby thinking that was what Im meant to be doing with my life, but as time goes on there is more & more that im finding out I cant do or Im just not good at. Today my baby pulled a tray with 3 pots of paint off the table, he didnt get hit exept for a few splaters of paint, but the carpet & curtains were covered. I flipped out when he did it, not because im worried about the carpet & I knew he was ok, but because i knew how my fiance was going to react. & I was right, he went right off @ me for having the paint inside, & spent the whole afternoon & evening in a horrible mood speaking to his 2year old like you wouldnt believe, & is still "not talking to me". I feel terrible about the whole thing, but his reaction is just rediculous, but typical of him. I just dont know whats worse, staying or going.


  2. #2

    Default

    Awww hun I really don't know what to say but it sounds like you could use some hugs

    Perhaps you and your DF need to seek some professional help?

  3. #3

    Join Date
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    Default

    I agree with Katie. If he is violent or bad tempered, you need to protect yourself and your son. Go and try to get some professional help, either through counselling or, if there is no other way, through the legal field.

    Best wishes.

  4. #4

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    Hi Hun,

    That is a horrible situation to be in.

    You need to realise that you deserve to be in a loving, trusting relationship where you don't have to worry about affairs and things like that. I honestly don't believe in staying for the kids. My mum did this when she was in an emotionally and physically abusive realtionship with my dad and it doesn't work.

    In regards to the paint situation things like that are bound to happen and all you can really do is laugh.

    I think happy mum = happy kids. If you fiance is going to continue disrespecting you in these ways then can you be happy? If I was you I would let your fiance that you know about the affairs and then tell him he is going to have to go to councelling and make some changes if you are going to stay together?

    I think the big question is even if he never does it again and completely changes can you ever be truly happy with him and trust him?

  5. #5

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    That sounds like quite a yuckky situation you are in at the moment.
    I have no words of wisdom for you, the other girls seem to have covered it all.

    You will do the right thing, just listen to your gut.

    BTW- I guarantee you are a fantastic mother - we all doubt ourselves from time to time, the paint.... well its just paint and as you said, atleast your little one didnt get hurt!

    Good luck

  6. #6
    SarahKay Guest

    Default

    Thanks everyone for everything you said, I've decided I am going to leave, I'm looking for a place to rent right now. It's scary but i think it's what i really need to do.

  7. #7

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    SarahKay, I don't know what state you are in but there will be a women's information/help line in the phone book...if you give them a call they may be able to help you with information about housing and also counselling or other support that may be available for you. You're in the middle of something huge and I'm sure you could do with a friendly listening ear and any other help you can get.

    Good luck with it, just remember any change you make is for a better life for you and your baby.

  8. #8

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    Good luck with what you have decided, i'm sure whatever you decide is going to be right for you and your bub. :hugs:

  9. #9

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    Good luck and well done on making a decision... You should be proud of yourself, you are doing what is best for you and your son.

  10. #10

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    SarahKay,

    Congratulatuons on your decision I can imagine it would have been very hard to do and I'm sure it will continue to be difficult g=for a while but in the end I'm sure it will be better. And I suppose if you are still open to this relationship under better conditions then it will give you partner a wake up call and a chance to sort himself out and show you he can be committed. If you ever need to chat feel free to pm me

  11. #11

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    Sarah, to you. You are doing a good thing for yourself and your child. Ultimately, you have little control over what happens to your stepson, and you have full control over what happens to your own son.
    The police or any medical centre can give you a referral (incl hospital) for somewhere to go and who to call for legal advice, in terms of custody etc. It doesn't sound like he would genuinely care if you took his son, but he might decide he wants to play power games and you might have to cross some hard bridges to get away from him. Hopefully he's just a deadbeat who doesn't care about custody. He sounds like a person who will only ever think of himself and you will always come off second best. You are doing a good thing.

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