I think your last line said it all about feeling listened to. It sounds like you've had an awful lot on your plate for an awfully long time with little support.

No wonder you feel the way you do. Being a parent without support from family/partners is very difficult.

I don't have any advice for you, just that enjoying being child-free is completely understandable and normal.

I recently put my daughter into childcare for two days a week for similar reasons and it's the best thing I've ever done.

I'd really recommend that you see a counsellor. A couple of years ago I was feeling overwhelmed because there were just too many things going on in my life and because I usually put a very brave face on things, my friends aren't really that supportive. Anyhow, what I really needed was someone who could validate what I was saying by telling me, "YES, you are in a difficult situation, YES, life has been pretty crap lately and YES, it's understandable that you feel the way you do."