MummaB

Sounds like you have had a really rough trot lately.
Dont beat yourself up for feeling like this, you are exhausted and are still trying to get everything done.

I know you have hear d it before, but it is a great age gap, my sister and I are a little under 2 years and it was fantastic...
I was completely weaned when she came along, but decided i wanted to go back to it when she was feeding, a jealously thing i guess, apparently it passed after a while as i got to busy with other things, hopefully this is the same as DS#1, he just wants to feel like he is doing the same thing and thats possibly why he stopped eating solids.

Its great that your 2 DS's have a good bond, there is nothing wrong with dividing your time up and DS#1 having to understand that it is playtime doing things that is age appropriate for DS#2
When DSS is at our place, i feel really mean that i cant give him the attention taht he wants/needs (especially as he is not with us 24/7) but having to wait and learn to share me and DH has been fantastic for him and his social skills have improved out of sight. Regardless of 2 or 3 years your DS#1 will still have to learn everything that he is now, yes he would be a little more independent at 3, but he may not have taken to his brother as easily or may have been more jealous... its hard to say, as they say, grass is always greener...

Can you make sure that you get some one on one time with DS#1 when DS#2 is having a nap, or go to the park with him and DS#1 in the pram or sling (or better still on a weekend and leave DS#2 with Dad)? This could be a trade off for the time that he has had to share you with his little brother

With DS#2 regarding needing to be worn all the time, great that there is nothing medically wrong, but understandably having to wear him all the time can and will take a toll... have you thought of seeing an Osteo or someone that does CranioSacral THerapy in babies? Sometimes one or two sessions sometimes work miracles and i have a friend that swears by them... you may have done it, not sure if you are keen, but worth a go perhaps?

The thing that we have found to be most important with DSS (i know the age is different thou) is constantly tell him how lucky DD is to have him as a big brother and how good he is with her and allow him (within reason) to do things with her that he asks to do...

Hopefully when your PIL arrive things will get better.
You are doing a fantastic job and you should be soooo proud of yourself with the Tandem feeding, i can only imagine how exhausted you are but WOW, well done

I hope things improve for you soon, maybe take some time out for yourself too. You are important as well

Well done you are a great Mummy, and hopefully getting this out will help