No more baby club

[smiles4u]

... i so understand that Maz, for me to think about being a grandparent personally means a different kind of notion as it means i reached elderly age & also it gives me a moment of release of the grieving feeling i get so much at times now and i make myself see a brighter side of the fence to escape that painful feeling.

DP & i have both said as DD is our only there is a likely chance we may not have grandchildren as i think there will be a day many years away where i will feel sad about that but sad about it for me and ' not ' DD as nothing would make me more than happier than for her to make choices that make her happy & having a child may not be something she wants ... and having a child may or may not be for her who know's, i just hope i'm around long enough to find out

... DD will ALWAYS be my " Bubba " no matter how old she is

[widdly]

maz, thanks for this thread

It is HIGHLY unlikely I will be blessed with any more children, and I have days where I just need to do it one more time...but practically, I have PCOS and dont want to mess with my hormones again, DH is adamant that he doesnt want any more, to the point that he asked the dr or the snip on Tuesday! (hes not getting it BTW) However, I do enjoy not having to take care of a baby or toddler anymore...the next chapter without babies seems pretty exciting too

Lorelle - about the grandchildren thing, it will be sad if Archie never has kids (for me not him) and those thoughts have certainly run through my head before, my chances of being a nana are a lot slimmer than someone with 4 kids. I am just trying to focus on me and be a bit selfish lately to remind myself that there is more to life than having babies

[smiles4u]

Elissa wow i so never thought of that for a boy in regards to if he were to have a partner who doesn't or can't have children, it's alright i read recently somewhere that girl's of Mother's that had trouble conceiving them and doing it an older age like me means she is likely to run into fertility problems herself ... so i sucked it up for a few moments & thought stuff that life is what it will be and by the time she is older if she wanted to have a child things might be different then.

... and Elissa thank you for such deep honesty in your thoughts which i think some Mother's wouldn't want to admit to which i do understand why they don't and i haven't been one to feel uncomfortable to also admit for me (and i clearly don't mean for everyone here) that yes for me there is more to life then just having children ... i'm so glad i opened up and told my SIL just that last Xmas before she passed away this Oct cause she looked so relieved to hear it as our other SIL sitting at the other end of the Xmas table talking as if there is nothing else in life to do other than to have children and she clearly wasn't thinking of our dear SIL being seriously ill with cancer and fully well knowing she may never live to have a child of her own, how she would feel to hear such talk, so inconsiderate ... and i never felt so angry like i did at that moment

Elissa, we Bubba May 2006 buddies can hold hands together through this

[Nai]

I'm here too and even if it was practical to have more children DP has had the snip so there is no more for us! Unless of course they grow back.....

Lorelle, FWIW I'm an only child and my mum got 2 granddaughters, my friend is one of 5 children and none of them have had any kids nor are they likely to - so you never know your luck My mum cried when I told her I was pregnant with DD1 as she thought that I was never going to get around to having kids.

[smiles4u]

That's so wonderfully true Nai ... and i remember your heartwarming story very well when you & i were on the train with our gorgeous girl's ... i reckon if my DD is as half as lovely as you Nai as an adult i'd be one very lucky & extremely proud Mum ... and geez, how super lucky is your Mum

[widdly]

Lorelle your post bought tears to my eyes, you are good at that I think sometimes people forget that there is life beyond having babies to care for, I have to remind myself of that all the time, cause as much as I adored having a baby to care for all the time, these days I have so much me time and alone time to do whatever I please and I am starting to enjoy it and relish in my new found freedom. I kinda feel like I have the best of both worlds now (or I try and convince myself of that), I am a mum and have experienced TTC, pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, baby, toddler, kid, but also I have time to build a career, pursue hobbies, travel. These are the good points that I try and focus on when I find out that yet another person in my life is pregnant.

love to you Lorelle, and yep, we will hold each other's hands through this one child journey. We each have one child for completely different reasons, but our feelings about it are so similar x

[maz]

*blows nose into over used tissue*
man its one of those weeks atm for me. Im always like this at the end of a school year.
Reflecting on all the kids....watching my squiller running next ot his eldest brother tonight adn then I have to go making dolly nappies that are so tiny I could just cry all over.
I do agree there is life beyond having a baby to care for...it still stab's me though. Ive been contemplating alot lately about going back and studying accounting. I have to weigh up a few things though...and need to maybe see how my darling W goes....we still dont know if he will be able to live on his own later in life due to his autism....its problably another reason I find it so hard to look into the futurt in regards to grandkids ect for me. I hope and pray that W doesnt pass on his genetic's to any of his hopeful children. My life is hard enough with 2 children wit special need's...man I wouldnt wish it on any of my children or grandchildren

ah see there I go spluttering all over the place again.

[Gigi]

i relate to the age thing like SMILES 4 U
i relate to the older partner (??) thing like BRIGSY - well the r'ship is so broken now, the bit is prolly invalid, more like "no partner" really. so immaculate conception would be needed.
i relate to the only child not getting to have a sibling thang
i relate to the possibility of not getting to be a grandma, due to my age

so much about motherhood, i feel, you only learn it by doing it, or learning from your mistakes/lack of knowledge in an area. so many things i learnt BY having bilby, i am left feeling, "well i know now, what i would do better or differently - but what's the point of that learning, i won't have a 2nd chance.".

i never planned for her to be an only child, but like many things, her father and i weren't on the same page about that.

i feel this is a taboo subject (to sound ungrateful, when you KNOW at least you've been lucky enough to have the child you DO have) so thanks Maz for opening this thread. nowhere else to put this stuff.

(and i have no wish to offend anyone who is TTC and going thru IVF etc, so it feels risky saying this stuff anywhere else.)

[widdly]

gigi, i feel for ya hun. When I was pg with DS, DH and I planned on having at least one more, but then he changed his mind and said no more. I think he is more open to the idea now, however I have just been diagnosed with PCOS. We arent using contraception but the chance of us having an oopsie baby is VERY unlikely, so it doesnt look like we will ever have another one. It is hard when you always thought you were having a few kids, to then come to terms with the fact that you will only get one, though I am eternally grateful and thankful that I have one, it is still hard to know I wont get another one.
It seems that everyone around me is pregnant atm. @ babies due in Feb, one in May and heaps more people have just announced their pregnancies all accidents AAAAATTGGGHHH I hate that so many people can accidently get pregnant when we can try for years and nothing!!

[New Dawn]

Gee I didnt realise there were so many of us on BB that were going though the same thing as I, well kinda we are kinda TTC but without much luck and I am begining to wonder more and more if this is the right thing to be doing anymore, which is killing me, but I have to think of the family, and if its the right thing for us...

Its so hard having to be around so many people who are UTD, feels like everyone one up here in Crapville is, must be something in the water ( we are on tank so that would be why we arent ) there are 80 babies due to be born in the public hospital in the next 2weeks may not sound a lot to you city girls but when the hospital only has 4 delivery rooms you can sorta see how many that really is... doesnt help there are only 2 shopping centres up here so I will be sure to see all 80 new borns soon enough, and for sure hear that wounderful sound of their cry...

I keep telling myself that, that part of my life is over and I should start to enjoy the next stage, but every time I look at my babies little face it makes me want to cry, she is growing up so fast, will be 4 this coming year and off to SCHOOL in 2011, my poor little baby, I dont know what I am going to do with my self, I havent worked in 10years all I have ever known is been a SAHM, ( had DS at 21) dont even know what I want to do ( work wise ) or study, it all seams too hard...

seeing as I dont live in the same state as my sibling I wont get to live though their children ( 4 sisters are either UTD or TTC ATM ) which I dont know if that will be a blessing or a curse...

well better get off my self pitty parade and learn to imbrase ( sp?) my " next stage in life"

I truely hope that this thread will become a " look at all the great things we are doing now we dont have little babies around" type thread, I look forward to hearing all about the great none baby adventures we all get up to in the coming years

xx

[sazzafrazz]

Just got back from the shops where i bumped into the midwife I had in hosp and who did our antenatal classes. She asked (for the third time!) "Any more babies coming for you guys?" and I had to tell her, again "No, there won't be anymore for us. We would have loved to but it just hasn't worked out that way". Sigh.

To tell the truth I'm kind of looking forward to when DD is a little older and people will stop assuming the next child is on the way. It seems once there is a 5or so year gap they assume that you're finished.

[maz]

You know its bad when you go shopping, you hear a NB cry and your boobies start tingling ahh self pity day today

Watching my little man on satuday made me realise that even though id love another little buggerlugs Im happy to have a toddler (I can still say that for a few weeks) who isnt solely independant on me anymore. So was happy with the big lightbulb moment....yep happy to be were we are ect.
THEN
Jed drop's the big one.

Id be happy to have another if we could be 100% gauranteed that it wouldnt be like M this time.

WTF??!!!
There goes my new found mind set out the dame window.
So now I sit here....waiting for the 25th so the kids can enjoy it and in the same token not wanting to know about it cause AF is due then and I dont know how im gonna feel about it.

[widdly]

tali, DS is the same age as your DD, they are starting school the same year, it is so scarey that our babies are kids now, they are really losing their innocence now that they are starting kindy and school. My sisters have little babies and are likely to have more in the next few years too, it is so hard watching friends and family go through the excitement of pregnancy and babies, though it is good to be able to have baby snuggles and go baby shopping without having to go through all of the sleepless nights and stress.

maz, oh no, DH did the exact same thing to me 3 months ago. To start with I was so excited and we started ttc right away, but then i remembered how cr@p he is at childcare and reality set in. Must be hard or you though cause you guys are so into kids xxx

We should definately have a no baby club to celebrate the no baby things we get up to