No more baby club

[widdly]

maz, thanks for this thread

It is HIGHLY unlikely I will be blessed with any more children, and I have days where I just need to do it one more time...but practically, I have PCOS and dont want to mess with my hormones again, DH is adamant that he doesnt want any more, to the point that he asked the dr or the snip on Tuesday! (hes not getting it BTW) However, I do enjoy not having to take care of a baby or toddler anymore...the next chapter without babies seems pretty exciting too

Lorelle - about the grandchildren thing, it will be sad if Archie never has kids (for me not him) and those thoughts have certainly run through my head before, my chances of being a nana are a lot slimmer than someone with 4 kids. I am just trying to focus on me and be a bit selfish lately to remind myself that there is more to life than having babies

[smiles4u]

Elissa wow i so never thought of that for a boy in regards to if he were to have a partner who doesn't or can't have children, it's alright i read recently somewhere that girl's of Mother's that had trouble conceiving them and doing it an older age like me means she is likely to run into fertility problems herself ... so i sucked it up for a few moments & thought stuff that life is what it will be and by the time she is older if she wanted to have a child things might be different then.

... and Elissa thank you for such deep honesty in your thoughts which i think some Mother's wouldn't want to admit to which i do understand why they don't and i haven't been one to feel uncomfortable to also admit for me (and i clearly don't mean for everyone here) that yes for me there is more to life then just having children ... i'm so glad i opened up and told my SIL just that last Xmas before she passed away this Oct cause she looked so relieved to hear it as our other SIL sitting at the other end of the Xmas table talking as if there is nothing else in life to do other than to have children and she clearly wasn't thinking of our dear SIL being seriously ill with cancer and fully well knowing she may never live to have a child of her own, how she would feel to hear such talk, so inconsiderate ... and i never felt so angry like i did at that moment

Elissa, we Bubba May 2006 buddies can hold hands together through this

[Nai]

I'm here too and even if it was practical to have more children DP has had the snip so there is no more for us! Unless of course they grow back.....

Lorelle, FWIW I'm an only child and my mum got 2 granddaughters, my friend is one of 5 children and none of them have had any kids nor are they likely to - so you never know your luck My mum cried when I told her I was pregnant with DD1 as she thought that I was never going to get around to having kids.

[smiles4u]

That's so wonderfully true Nai ... and i remember your heartwarming story very well when you & i were on the train with our gorgeous girl's ... i reckon if my DD is as half as lovely as you Nai as an adult i'd be one very lucky & extremely proud Mum ... and geez, how super lucky is your Mum

[widdly]

Lorelle your post bought tears to my eyes, you are good at that I think sometimes people forget that there is life beyond having babies to care for, I have to remind myself of that all the time, cause as much as I adored having a baby to care for all the time, these days I have so much me time and alone time to do whatever I please and I am starting to enjoy it and relish in my new found freedom. I kinda feel like I have the best of both worlds now (or I try and convince myself of that), I am a mum and have experienced TTC, pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, baby, toddler, kid, but also I have time to build a career, pursue hobbies, travel. These are the good points that I try and focus on when I find out that yet another person in my life is pregnant.

love to you Lorelle, and yep, we will hold each other's hands through this one child journey. We each have one child for completely different reasons, but our feelings about it are so similar x

[maz]

*blows nose into over used tissue*
man its one of those weeks atm for me. Im always like this at the end of a school year.
Reflecting on all the kids....watching my squiller running next ot his eldest brother tonight adn then I have to go making dolly nappies that are so tiny I could just cry all over.
I do agree there is life beyond having a baby to care for...it still stab's me though. Ive been contemplating alot lately about going back and studying accounting. I have to weigh up a few things though...and need to maybe see how my darling W goes....we still dont know if he will be able to live on his own later in life due to his autism....its problably another reason I find it so hard to look into the futurt in regards to grandkids ect for me. I hope and pray that W doesnt pass on his genetic's to any of his hopeful children. My life is hard enough with 2 children wit special need's...man I wouldnt wish it on any of my children or grandchildren

ah see there I go spluttering all over the place again.

[aussienic]

I would love to go on to have 1 maybe 2 moe babies but alas financially, physically and mentally it is not an option (plus the fact I had a tubal)

Dh said if we had enough money so he could stay home as well and help with the workload we could have another but he also said it would have to come out as a 2 y old I do realise where he is coming from though. Once they get to about 6-8 months old there is a lot of work. I do enjoy it but I also get tired and know my limitations..

Ah well.. Grandkids and more neices and nephews it is for me Altho I thinkn it will be just grandkids for me.. and I honestly hope thats for well over 12-15 yrs away. Not that having kids at a young age is a problem it isn't what I want for my kids. I want them to travel and enjoy the workd kid free for a little while.. Then have kids and travel

[widdly]

yeah, thank goodness for my nephews, I get all my cluckiness out on them when ever I want

[~Saram~]

Thanks for starting this thread Maz! Jjust wanted to post and subscribe so I can find it later when I am in a better state of mind about the whole thing

[Rach75]

I
Ah well.. Grandkids and more neices and nephews it is for me

well ya better tell Sonja to get a crack on she's ya only hope now

well I am peeved at my body 2nd cycle in a row and I have definatly O'd grrrr when we were TTC I rarely O'd and well definalty happening here, so have told jase to stay away from me unless he wantsa oops baby

[Anila]

I have to start this thread...I know of a few of us who feel like the ground is being taken from under our feet because we wont be having any more babies

As scared as I am of having another special need's kid.....I still have that longing, that yearning to have feel alittle person growing from the love of Jed and me in my belly.

Those late night acrobatics when you lay down to go to sleep, watching your little person rolling from one side of your tummy to the other. The excitement of feeling those flutters, and sitting on the loo praying that AF wont turn up with every wipe you take. Knowing other people (like me ) envious that you have created something magical and special within yourself.

Late night feed's in the darkness were its only the 2 of you breathign each other in.
Watching my other children oh and ah over the new addition to the family....watching for that first smile and their hands reach out for you. The excitement in their face when you enter the room. The first laugh...man...

Iknow we should be happy that we have children.....but its an ache in my heart knowing there will never be another one . I hope to hell Im not going to be one of those overbearing grandmothers

i felt every word
and actually had a lil bit of *cough cough* water in my eye, lol

[tiggerandpooh]

it makes me feel so much better to know that there are other women out there that feel the same way as I do. I physically ache to have another child. When I'm around babies, I let down. I have a brand new nephew, born on the day my youngest turned 3, 29/11. When I held him, i had tears streaming down my face...

I will just have to live vicariously through my S-I-L as she has her family, this was their first. and my friends who go on to have their 2nd, and thirds... sigh

[sazzafrazz]

I'm joining the club too.

Only this time last year we were excitedly planning our return to IVF and thinking our future full of possibilities.

What a difference a year makes. We've exhausted all our IVF/AC resources: embryos, money, emotional strength and having used no contraception since early 1997 with no accidents it is almost certain that we will never have an oopsie baby.

I've talked on here during the last few months about this topic but the response was so different to this thread. It's so comforting to hear others feeling the same way as me. Stuff it with having to feel content with what we already have: I still wish I had more! I can't help it. I feel certain I was meant to be a Mum, and I am, but to just one child and I always wanted 3. Yes there are other wonderful things in my life and I certainly don't take them for granted but I feel like this part of my life will always be incomplete whereas those parts are still a work in progress.

I'm at a tricky stage where a lot of friends are having their second or more baby and that's where I feel I should be (and would be if our bub had stuck around). I'm hoping that when the rounds of second and third babies eases, and DD is a little older, that I will feel like I am past this stage more. Hoping!

As for Grandchildren I have wondered if our chances are slim but as others have said you can't tell by how many kids you have as to if you will have grandchildren. For me that seems an eternity away.

[Gigi]

i relate to the age thing like SMILES 4 U
i relate to the older partner (??) thing like BRIGSY - well the r'ship is so broken now, the bit is prolly invalid, more like "no partner" really. so immaculate conception would be needed.
i relate to the only child not getting to have a sibling thang
i relate to the possibility of not getting to be a grandma, due to my age

so much about motherhood, i feel, you only learn it by doing it, or learning from your mistakes/lack of knowledge in an area. so many things i learnt BY having bilby, i am left feeling, "well i know now, what i would do better or differently - but what's the point of that learning, i won't have a 2nd chance.".

i never planned for her to be an only child, but like many things, her father and i weren't on the same page about that.

i feel this is a taboo subject (to sound ungrateful, when you KNOW at least you've been lucky enough to have the child you DO have) so thanks Maz for opening this thread. nowhere else to put this stuff.

(and i have no wish to offend anyone who is TTC and going thru IVF etc, so it feels risky saying this stuff anywhere else.)

[widdly]

gigi, i feel for ya hun. When I was pg with DS, DH and I planned on having at least one more, but then he changed his mind and said no more. I think he is more open to the idea now, however I have just been diagnosed with PCOS. We arent using contraception but the chance of us having an oopsie baby is VERY unlikely, so it doesnt look like we will ever have another one. It is hard when you always thought you were having a few kids, to then come to terms with the fact that you will only get one, though I am eternally grateful and thankful that I have one, it is still hard to know I wont get another one.
It seems that everyone around me is pregnant atm. @ babies due in Feb, one in May and heaps more people have just announced their pregnancies all accidents AAAAATTGGGHHH I hate that so many people can accidently get pregnant when we can try for years and nothing!!

[New Dawn]

Gee I didnt realise there were so many of us on BB that were going though the same thing as I, well kinda we are kinda TTC but without much luck and I am begining to wonder more and more if this is the right thing to be doing anymore, which is killing me, but I have to think of the family, and if its the right thing for us...

Its so hard having to be around so many people who are UTD, feels like everyone one up here in Crapville is, must be something in the water ( we are on tank so that would be why we arent ) there are 80 babies due to be born in the public hospital in the next 2weeks may not sound a lot to you city girls but when the hospital only has 4 delivery rooms you can sorta see how many that really is... doesnt help there are only 2 shopping centres up here so I will be sure to see all 80 new borns soon enough, and for sure hear that wounderful sound of their cry...

I keep telling myself that, that part of my life is over and I should start to enjoy the next stage, but every time I look at my babies little face it makes me want to cry, she is growing up so fast, will be 4 this coming year and off to SCHOOL in 2011, my poor little baby, I dont know what I am going to do with my self, I havent worked in 10years all I have ever known is been a SAHM, ( had DS at 21) dont even know what I want to do ( work wise ) or study, it all seams too hard...

seeing as I dont live in the same state as my sibling I wont get to live though their children ( 4 sisters are either UTD or TTC ATM ) which I dont know if that will be a blessing or a curse...

well better get off my self pitty parade and learn to imbrase ( sp?) my " next stage in life"

I truely hope that this thread will become a " look at all the great things we are doing now we dont have little babies around" type thread, I look forward to hearing all about the great none baby adventures we all get up to in the coming years

xx

[sazzafrazz]

Just got back from the shops where i bumped into the midwife I had in hosp and who did our antenatal classes. She asked (for the third time!) "Any more babies coming for you guys?" and I had to tell her, again "No, there won't be anymore for us. We would have loved to but it just hasn't worked out that way". Sigh.

To tell the truth I'm kind of looking forward to when DD is a little older and people will stop assuming the next child is on the way. It seems once there is a 5or so year gap they assume that you're finished.

[maz]

You know its bad when you go shopping, you hear a NB cry and your boobies start tingling ahh self pity day today

Watching my little man on satuday made me realise that even though id love another little buggerlugs Im happy to have a toddler (I can still say that for a few weeks) who isnt solely independant on me anymore. So was happy with the big lightbulb moment....yep happy to be were we are ect.
THEN
Jed drop's the big one.

Id be happy to have another if we could be 100% gauranteed that it wouldnt be like M this time.

WTF??!!!
There goes my new found mind set out the dame window.
So now I sit here....waiting for the 25th so the kids can enjoy it and in the same token not wanting to know about it cause AF is due then and I dont know how im gonna feel about it.