Wow you have been through a really tough time but here at bb we are all here to help if you need someone to chat to. You are really a tough lady with everything you have gone through we were meant to have children because we are stronger than men. Having a young child and having the traumatic birth you had are not going to be easy. It def sounds like you need some time out for you eg shopping, massage, movies, lunch. But your life sounds alot like mine no time for yourself. Stay strong and im here if you ever want to chat.