I still have serious sleeping problems with Beth. I can't take it one more night....
I've read back through some past posts in here....it started off in Feb, got crapper in May and now I'm still having the same problem.
I need further and individual help here. I don't need a parenting course. I need strength and time and Mary Bloody Poppins.
Since my last posts the things that have improved are -
*Dps way of handling the kids AND their bedtime routine
*DSs behaviour
We have really pulled together on the kids and its made our relationship alot better.
Each and EVERY night I feel myself get tense at bedtime because I know what im in for. I just quit my job as I couldnt handle the sleep deprivation and full time hours.
DS will go to bed well and easily.
DD does this - SCREAMS blue murder in her cot. I mean SCREAMS. This is after the SAME routine I have been following for at least a YEAR. She can now climb out of her cot with the sides up - she fell out the other night when I left her to it for just 10 minutes to have a break. Great mothering.
Sometimes she will go to bed ok (omg how much sweeter the world seems when that happens), but without fail she will wake. If im home by myself she comes in with me. Thats fine if it means I get sleep but sometimes she just springs awake and tries to run out to the lounge room to play.
If Dp is here he can usually, after awhile get her to sleep back in her cot. She still wakes 2x a night.
Its the screaming that does my head in. Both of them are pretty loud but Beth just takes the cake - 40mins of high pitched squealing - I can't cope. I have supersensitive hearing (confirmed at a recent health check) and its like a drill going through my brain. It brings me to my knees, and it happens nearly every night.
Since I went to work it got worse. I sort of hoped daycare would tire her out a bit but NO. She just wants to be closer to me and will not go to bed unless I do.
I just want my own time - I just want to potter around at night, tidy things up for the next day. Maybe even read a book. Maybe have a shower before 11pm.
There seems to be lots of help for babies, lots. Is there anyone able to help with older children? Can Pinky be of assistance?
Lulu i dont have any advice to you.. Just wanted to say you are not alone my sis had similar trouble with her toddler he even use to go to the extremes of making himself physically sick sometimes he got that upset. She use to just sit in his room reading a book until he was asleep, he eventually grew out of it when he went into a bed. I hope someone has advice to help you. I hope you get some soon.......
Ah Lulu, I'm so sorry! I hate it when Natty screams, though it doesn't happen too often - it's the whinging and hanging off me that happens every day (and I hate that too!).
I'm not sure what to suggest, but will have a crack at it anyway... Maybe you could try no cot (if she's climbing out of it anyway) but a mattress on the floor and a gate at the door?
Will she go to sleep with you lying next to her? This could be something else to try
I just really empathise re the work thing and the tiredness - inevitably, Natty will have a terrible night's sleep the night before a work day, and then she'll sleep in (and I have to get up at 6 to go to work). Then, she'll wake early on my days off. It is so frustrating when you don't get your own time.
So sorry that you're doing it tough. Hope you find some helpful suggestions around here.
I've already tried the sitting in the room thing. It drove me nuts but I did it anyway, and I did have good success....for awhile.
Its all been a house of cards around here. See they have started daycare therefore they have brought back any number of viruses and they have both been sick on and off for WEEKS. So that threw everthing out the window big time. So of course since I have been working Im at the point of exhaustion when I get home. Then this starts. Then it gets harder to get 2 little ones to bed with they are sick. Then they both got clingier.
I get that things will blow out their routines but surely this is a part of normal, everyday life? I first thought that with Dp leaving for half the week it would have affected them, but ffs - there are FIFO families...do they have these problems too with things constantly changing?
I know I've got a handle on parenting ok? Seriously I have a 16 yr old asleep right now that never had any of these problems. No wonder I wanted 5 - I thought ALL babies were that easy.....
No idea on what to do with sleepless toddlers, but could you try industrial headphone or earplugs? As they work on attenuating a general frequency range as well as more of the nastier higher frequencies they might at least help you tolerate the screaming if you are not in physical pain from it.
I know that this is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of what your dealing with, but if you can at least make one part of it easier to deal with, then it might have a flow on effect.
You have a high needs child. I would be surprised if she didn't turn out to be in some ways gifted.
I'll tell you about my DD a wee bit. She is high needs. She is go-go-go ALL THE TIME. She needs supervision every minute or she gets into all kinds of scrapes. She has abilities beyond her understanding (i.e. CAN climb the 30foot slides for 10+ year olds in the park and has no fear, and will also let go and not think anything of it until she hits the deck). She fights sleep. If i am not there she cries. If i am there she sings, laughs, chats and will NOT sleep.
Now we go through good times and bad times, but the thing that never goes away is asleep=off and awake=on. This means that every morning and after every nap (thank goodness she still naps!) she arrives barely awake next to me, staggering about, trying to climb stairs, eat, dance, before her body is online properly and then she has a giant tantrum. I seriously think her duvet is off and her feet on the floor BEFORE she's awake. She doesn't lie peacefully in bed. Either she falls asleep when her head hits the pillow or she cries, gets up or otherwise fights sleep. There is no peace IN her, and i actually practice deep breathing with her most days, to try to teach her how to find a calm place. Even other friends with toddlers her age have noticed how crazy wild she is.
My DD is sensitive, and i bet yours it too. ABSOLUTELY the home situation will have been making a difference, and does XP's changing work routine and visitation have an effoct OH MY GOD YES! For a MONTH after his new routine began we didn't have a full night's sleep. And on the occasions she got in with me she would be saying in her sleep "dada go 'way? Don't go mama!" and tossing and turning. It was a hard time for her, and she's only now just beginning to come through it. His routine is 4 days on, 4 days off, and he stays away when he's on, so we only see him half the week. DP comes over twice a week, regularly, but that is a total mismatch when superimposed of dada's week. And my baby is insecure. If your DD is like mine i'd be really surprised if she wasn't all over the place with the changes in routines going on. Some kids ARE very stable inside, and can cope very well with change, but others cannot. I couldn't, XP couldn't, DD can't. I can remember my mummy being my rock to cling to. I really needed that as a kid. Something inside me felt like without that place to hang on i would fly away. The whole world sort of rushed at and through and over me and i felt like i'd be swept away. I can still get that way. INterestingly enough i have recently learned that a lot of what i felt was towards the autism spectrum, and though i relate fine to others and can communicate and empathise so i'm not ON the spectrum, my dad is and he and i are very alike in some ways.
I digress (as usual). Can homelife be causing this? Yes. Do other families with custodial challenges and changes suffer this effect? Absolutely! You are NOT alone!!!
Tips? Well, nothing i do makes much difference, she seems to go through periods of really needing me and periods of it being fine. I stick to keeping the routine as rigid as possible, even when it feels like it's not working. I warn her it's nearly bath/showertime when there's 3-5 minutes to go. I bath/shower her. I wash her hair if i'm going to, i tend to sit on the lid of the loo seat and read or sing or chat or all three. She brushes her teeth. I take her out and wrap her in the towel and re-brush her teeth. I carry her into the bedroom and put her nappy and PJ's on her. We choose 3 stories. I get into bed with her (she's in a big bed- that helped! I moved her to a single bed and made a big deal of buying her a new pillow and duvet and sheets to go on them, and we talked about her big-girl bed for a while. I left the cot up in her room for a few weeks while she was transitioning and then one day i took it down and showed her it in the wardrobe where it's storing just now, and she definitely slept better afterwards - she thrashes about a lot and kept banging bits of herself off the bars) and cuddle her in and we read the three stories. I let her ask questions and chat about the stories if she needs to. After the 3 stories there is a book with 4 songs (rock-a-bye-baby, sleep baby sleep, twinkle twinkle, brahms lullaby) which we sing, then i sometimes, if requested, sing her German lullaby. Then i kiss and snuggle her and say good night and i leave.
On the nights she gets up, i say "it's bedtime honey" and put her back to bed, kiss and cnuggle her and leave. Repeating as necessary (my record in one night is 18 times). On the nights she screams i go back in and say "hey hey hey!? What's wrong darlin!? it's BEDtime!" and kiss and snuggle her. I often lay with her until she's calm again. If she chats i say night night and leave. If she's quiet but not sleeping i tell her i'm going and she will say "ok" and then i go. If she cries when i say i'm leaving i still leave, i tell her it's bedtime and i go. I walk to the kitchen window, which is about 13metres, and if she's still crying i turn right around and go back. Reapeating as necessary (my record is 9 times). Each time i go back i stay until she's settled.
Probably you've tried all this, and probably it hasn't worked, but it doesn't always work for me either. I have decided that consistency is the best i can give her and that though it is tempting to assume it's my parenting causing the problem, if what i'm doing works for 4 months and then doesn't it's unlikely it took her that long to get a "bad habit" from my actions.
I really think that with you now at home all the time she will be doing MUCH better in a few weeks. Put the proportion of time there's been upheaval in perspective with her life - my DD has had massive upheaval for a QUARTER of her life. It will take a lot of consistency for me to soothe that out, especially when there are upheavals and challenges to come (moving in with DP, new babies etc.). I read you telling another mama you tend to be like a bull at a gate with things - you do not NEED to "fix" this, you just need to be there for her through it, and there WILL be a through it. CHildhood is a journey, not a destination.
Isla hates her cot. Do you think that maybe it may help putting her in her own big bed?
I had the same issues getting Isla to sleep if I put her in her cot. But I toss that our of teh room & put a single bed int here & while its still a working prgress to get her to go off to sleep with out fuss. The fuss is now her chatting away & playing.
She is still in my room!!! I chose not to reno the place when I got here as I was preg and couldnt face it - now the $$$ for the extension are gone so she is still stuck in with me .
I might muck around with the beds today, my room is big enough for a single bed as well and the teenrager want the spare double bed....
Thats IT, I can't take it anymore
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